1
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
ALEXANDER THE GREAT!
VERSUS!
IVAN THE TERRIBLE!
BEGIN!
Ivan:
Look alive, Creme de la Kremlin's arrivin'
Try to serve Ivan? No surviving
You're a land rover, im a land expander
Here to hand you your first loss, Alexander
I'll school you like Aristotle
Smack ya harder than you hit that bottle
You're nothing but an overrated Lush, Ill crush ya!
Im the first Tsar in all of Russia
You're an asshole with an anastole
Im heaven sent: Divine and holy!
So dont even try to approach the God!
Or you'll get a huge sack like Novrogod!
Alex:
Hey, fella! Swell diss!
But now you got the Panhellenist from Pella hella pissed!
Stepping up's foolish as well as useless
Little Vasilyevich lemme spell out the list
Iv'e brought down foes to their knees in Phoenicia
Breezed through Gaza to Giza!
Had the Balkans, Persia, Syria, Iran and Pakistan in my expansion pack
While you died in the middle of a game of chess!
You got Vodka bars, flavorless!
And what im about to spit will be the craziest
So go and fix me a drink so I can stay refreshed!
Kudos! Greek for the glory I got
From winning every single war that I fought
So this'll be straight forward, Ill take up this sword that I brought
And slice you in half like the Gordian knot!
And i'll soar to the top like the eagle who's feathers I would sport
In the helmet I wore, As I swatted my many enemies
Shattered them like a porcelain pot!
And they'd be praying for the torture to stop!
But I would leave them contorted
And they'd be screamin' and roarin'
Until their vocal chords were torn up and shot
And I would holler Bucophalus! Hop on my horsy and trot!
I win, Ivan, I vanquish! Im an immortal, you're not!
Ivan:
ENOUGH! I dont stand a chance against your skills
Ha на здоровье
, A drink to your victory!
Alex:
Yes, I will! Seems no one can defeat me
I weep! Its all so easy!
Ivan:
Whats the matter?
Alex:
Im feeling a bit queazy...
Ivan:
HA! You have been poisoned!
Alex:
Oh the pain is unbearable...
My stomach is riddled with holes...
Ivan:
Ugh, Im terrible
There's no Great who could defeat this Russian!
Frederick The Great:
Psst, What about a fute bustin' Prussian?
Im Fredrick the Great! Out the gate, first servant of State!
Oblique attack tactics that aint exactly straight!
I got creative talents, and battle malice
Hard as steel on the field, genteel in the palace!
Russia's fucked up but no wonder why!
With your tundras and taigas and bears! (Oh my!)
I would pay a guy to tear out my eyes
If I had to look at your troll face every night
Now, bring me my chair! Im weary from tearing you a new deriere
From here to the Red Square!
I fought the seven year war I aint scared of a Tsar
'Cause beating you only took me twelve bars!
Ivan:
Oh what a humiliating defeat!
I know when I am beat
So of course! Take a seat!
Fred:
Id keep ripping you to shreds
But ill take a break instead
And rest my little head
Ivan:
Why dont ya drop dead, Fred!
Hm? My expectations were a lot higher...
But at least I saved the rubles on Garrot wire
Its another great day and another victory
Because no great can beat me
Pompey:
How about me, Pompey?! AHHH
Catherine the Great:
Macedonians, Prussians, and Romans
Those arent worthy opponents
It takes a Russian to take down a Russian
Im Cath, im a Cat, you're a Rodent!
How ya gonna be the head of the state
when the state of your head was a crazy one?
Such sick shit goin through your brain
That you stuck a spike through your own son
You're unbalanced like I unbalanced
The Eurpoean powers with the wars I waged
I brought the Russian empire straight out the older days
And right into the Golden Age!
Im the boss, bitch! That ya just cant meddle with
This whole battle's like Alaska, 'Cause I just settled it!
Ivan:
Hmm...What a beautiful queen to beat me in a battle
Accept this gift, you're heighness
I hear you enjoy the saddle!
Catherine the Great:
That horse story is a pile of shit
Though I do keep em chompin' at the bit
But you're never gonna get it, nyet
Couldnt spin in my chamber if this was Russian Roulette
Im pickin' up where Peter the Great left off
Bringin' sexy back to House Romanov
So dont call me queen, im far more great!
Empress to Tras8, bitch! Checkmate!
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RA-
RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
ALEXANDER THE GREAT!
VERSUS!
IVAN THE TERRIBLE!
BEGIN!
Ivan:
Look alive, Creme de la Kremlin's arrivin'
Try to serve Ivan? No surviving
You're a land rover, im a land expander
Here to hand you your first loss, Alexander
I'll school you like Aristotle
Smack ya harder than you hit that bottle
You're nothing but an overrated Lush, Ill crush ya!
Im the first Tsar in all of Russia
You're an asshole with an anastole
Im heaven sent: Divine and holy!
So dont even try to approach the God!
Or you'll get a huge sack like Novrogod!
Alex:
Hey, fella! Swell diss!
But now you got the Panhellenist from Pella hella pissed!
Stepping up's foolish as well as useless
Little Vasilyevich lemme spell out the list
Iv'e brought down foes to their knees in Phoenicia
Breezed through Gaza to Giza!
Had the Balkans, Persia, Syria, Iran and Pakistan in my expansion pack
While you died in the middle of a game of chess!
You got Vodka bars, flavorless!
And what im about to spit will be the craziest
So go and fix me a drink so I can stay refreshed!
Kudos! Greek for the glory I got
From winning every single war that I fought
So this'll be straight forward, Ill take up this sword that I brought
And slice you in half like the Gordian knot!
And i'll soar to the top like the eagle who's feathers I would sport
In the helmet I wore, As I swatted my many enemies
Shattered them like a porcelain pot!
And they'd be praying for the torture to stop!
But I would leave them contorted
And they'd be screamin' and roarin'
Until their vocal chords were torn up and shot
And I would holler Bucophalus! Hop on my horsy and trot!
I win, Ivan, I vanquish! Im an immortal, you're not!
Ivan:
ENOUGH! I dont stand a chance against your skills
Ha на здоровье
, A drink to your victory!
Alex:
Yes, I will! Seems no one can defeat me
I weep! Its all so easy!
Ivan:
Whats the matter?
Alex:
Im feeling a bit queazy...
Ivan:
HA! You have been poisoned!
Alex:
Oh the pain is unbearable...
My stomach is riddled with holes...
Ivan:
Ugh, Im terrible
There's no Great who could defeat this Russian!
Frederick The Great:
Psst, What about a fute bustin' Prussian?
Im Fredrick the Great! Out the gate, first servant of State!
Oblique attack tactics that aint exactly straight!
I got creative talents, and battle malice
Hard as steel on the field, genteel in the palace!
Russia's fucked up but no wonder why!
With your tundras and taigas and bears! (Oh my!)
I would pay a guy to tear out my eyes
If I had to look at your troll face every night
Now, bring me my chair! Im weary from tearing you a new deriere
From here to the Red Square!
I fought the seven year war I aint scared of a Tsar
'Cause beating you only took me twelve bars!
Ivan:
Oh what a humiliating defeat!
I know when I am beat
So of course! Take a seat!
Fred:
Id keep ripping you to shreds
But ill take a break instead
And rest my little head
Ivan:
Why dont ya drop dead, Fred!
Hm? My expectations were a lot higher...
But at least I saved the rubles on Garrot wire
Its another great day and another victory
Because no great can beat me
Pompey:
How about me, Pompey?! AHHH
Catherine the Great:
Macedonians, Prussians, and Romans
Those arent worthy opponents
It takes a Russian to take down a Russian
Im Cath, im a Cat, you're a Rodent!
How ya gonna be the head of the state
when the state of your head was a crazy one?
Such sick shit goin through your brain
That you stuck a spike through your own son
You're unbalanced like I unbalanced
The Eurpoean powers with the wars I waged
I brought the Russian empire straight out the older days
And right into the Golden Age!
Im the boss, bitch! That ya just cant meddle with
This whole battle's like Alaska, 'Cause I just settled it!
Ivan:
Hmm...What a beautiful queen to beat me in a battle
Accept this gift, you're heighness
I hear you enjoy the saddle!
Catherine the Great:
That horse story is a pile of shit
Though I do keep em chompin' at the bit
But you're never gonna get it, nyet
Couldnt spin in my chamber if this was Russian Roulette
Im pickin' up where Peter the Great left off
Bringin' sexy back to House Romanov
So dont call me queen, im far more great!
Empress to Tras8, bitch! Checkmate!
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RA-
RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
Lyrics submitted by Jirachibi
Add your thoughts
Log in now to tell us what you think this song means.
Don’t have an account? Create an account with SongMeanings to post comments, submit lyrics, and more. It’s super easy, we promise!