Us

I have waited eight years to say this, I thought I have waited, I was not being specific, but this project even is based on a plan we had to do voice and drums, father and son, a while ago.
My father had a beautiful wolf-dog named Kodiak. He gave him to the shelter because he couldn't care for him anymore. And I worried about Kodiak and was sad that maybe he would be put down and then my Dad died.
I sort of literally put off writing this. I never felt I could James, my father's legacy, and more seriously his abrupt absence justice. I knew I wasn't touching it.
How can you quantify, maybe you can quantify sadness or loss. I was trying to do that. I saw you play and I liked it til I heard what you were saying (your words about God and your mother dying from cancer). I was so offended. How can he throw that at people?
I went home and I told Ashley how mad it made me and how I thought it was crossing the line. "You're uncomfortable because you haven't dealt with your Dad's passing and you have put off writing that song."
I have always prided myself on being very open, but I get got very very tight, closed completely. I put off for too long, forever, just to write one song, and I knew it even.
But you made a whole record when your mother was stripped from you at nineteen. You and your body had no choice. After that sadness comes what? I'm not even sure because I didn't really even allow for the sadness. There is a point where it is either too heavy and you just shut down or or or you can make a song and a band and a record to help you get through the day at all. The life.
We are blessed for you doing this for us too you know. And it's true, I do feel such a solidarity in solo creation, but there is also a solidarity that comes through the shared absence. I don't know. There's a lot of different kinds of solidarity. One of oneness on so many levels, is solidarity in groups small. Not to discredit the group larger and insofar as life is life and complicated I feel so blessed for it.
And how does this work now? I see you can still feel it every night. How do you do that? Does it get desensitized at all from making something and saying it so much? This is new for me and I have been too precious too long. This really even only a start I know, cracking it open. I will learn now.
Your Dad dies and the earth dies a little every day. Cats die. Snails die. It doesn't mean that your Dad didn't die. He died and he's dead and what does that mean? What if it wasn't that way? What if it wasn't that way? It is what it is. How to see it now or see at all. It is what it is. How to see now or see at all.