Settle the Scar

Dizzy, drunk and throwing up
I finally stopped my spinning.
I guess I figured you'd show up
With all my old belongings
Saying, 'There you go my friend.
Be sure you saved another.'
Collapsing walls around me
I need some brick and mortar.
Took a swing and shortened cuts
Made a wrong turn somewhere
Unprepared for fucking up
Should remind me I'm still there.
And I am
Feeling sharpened splinters
Cutting through my center
To hear you enter
Coming 'round again.
Taking pages from a book
You couldn't see your face in
Claimed the author was a crook
In need of illustration.
And you were begging me for more
But you get what you wanted
I feel it in your fingers
Right back from where you started.
Made a map of how you lost
And drew a perfect circle
I scribbeld on that diagram
and had me dying for a gram.
And I am
Feeling long cold winters
I'm lost and can't remember
The ways to keep myself as warm as then.
You said, 'Do you see light
In exploding color
with a flash of stars
New England (...).'
I should haved asked if you could stay.
I should've found a way around it
Because now all I see is grey
Inside the memories that surround it.
And in your father's summer home
You screamed and framed the question
An old gazette hung on the wall
Makes me feel cut in sections.
And I am
Shaking off my shadow gran
Flaking snow and dead skin
That buried me in all my past mistakes.
(Should've asked if you could stay)