Picking Up Pieces

Overall, this song perfectly reflects what I'm going through as a person with chronic depression.

I really need to talk with you Pretty obvious...

I keep stepping on the vein that keeps my lifeline flowing through He's always doing something that hurts him in the end, even if he doesn't realize at the moment that the act will hurt him.

I wanna be your perfect stick of glue but I don't feel perfect at all He wants to be able to hold the person he's talking to together, but he's hardly able to hold himself together.

Sad and insecure flaw He knows that he's flawed; knows that he's insecure and incapable of all he wishes to do for the other person.

I find it hard to hold conversation When someone's depressed, it can be really hard to hold a normal conversation, as I've found out over the past several years.

I get sweaty sick and I wanna walk away When I'm really depressed, I tend to want to run away from most conversations, particularly if they hit on any somewhat sensitive topics.

It's not you it's me in this situation He knows that although the other person may not understand, they may be concerned about what's going on. I think he's trying to be reassuring in this line.

I'm wondering will it ever go away; just go away The depressive feelings again~ I get exactly the same way when I'm down for very long at all.

Sometimes I feel like weeping awake and when I'm sleeping Ditto the above comment.

Perfecting how to put a game face on If anything is wrong, you have to pretend nothing is wrong. Even when you just want to break down crying and hide in a corner, you just have to pretend to be entirely normal and tough it out... until you're alone. At least, that's my experience.

This puzzle I've been keeping has been in hiding The puzzle of his bipolar disorder?

Creeping out the closet door spilling out onto the floor No matter how hard you try to hide how you're falling apart inside... eventually it becomes obvious and will spill out.

How long will I be picking up pieces How long will I be picking up my heart How long will it take to have all the pieces to ones' self again? In my experience, depression is like losing a fragment of yourself with each step. Recovery is like either molding new pieces to fill the void or finding the old somehow.

I'll be as honest as I feel If someone doesn't want to talk about what's really going on... they never will, no matter how you prod them.

I'm getting more paranoid and I'm hearing things and they never turn out real Very deep depression and mania can lead to hallucinations and paranoia. I'll admit, I've experienced the severe depression end of it. Not fun.

It feels like my heart is made of pure steel It's just so heavy all the time One more hint towards depression, rather than mania... When depressed, I feel exactly the same way, but it's nearly impossible to describe better in a handful of words than Justin has right there.

Yea I'm scared of death and I'm scared of living He's too scared to kill himself, but also terrified of what will happen if he continues living. Once more, I can relate.

I gave up on the past cause it's unforgiving The past doesn't change, no matter how you want it to. You can't rely on the past, only the present and future.

I misplaced my trust He either didn't trust anyone, or trusted the wrong people with this.

I watched my word begin to rust Too long in a deep depression... your world truly rusts into oblivion.

I'm a balloon about to bust There's just too much emotion bottled up here.

I need a place for reliving If he doesn't spill some of it somewhere... he's going to "burst" and do something stupidly self-destructive.

But sometimes I feel like weeping awake and when I'm sleeping Perfecting how to put a game face on This puzzle I've been keeping has been in hiding Creeping out the closet door spilling out onto the floor How long will I be picking up pieces How long will I be picking up my heart How long (in another space and time) will I be picking up pieces in the corner of my mind How long (its getting oh so hard to find) keep picking up pieces in the corner of my mind But I still walk on Despite how bad things may seem, he keeps on pushing. He may slip up and destroy himself on occasion, but he won't let that destroy him more than he already destroys himself.

i think it's about a guy who is freaking scared to go out and take the risk again due to a failed relationship in the past. he wants to love but he's afraid that he's still messed up and that he's not ready yet.

I relate so well to that line "Yea I'm scared of death and I'm scared of living." also, "perfecting how to put a game face on." I think the song relates to Justin's battle with bipolar disorder. To me at least it mirrors some of the feelings you have as a bipolar person. I am bipolar myself, so maybe its just me relating to Justin's songs. It could be about a relationship too, like the previous person said. But the ideas about the battle with the disorder just makes more sense to me. You're always wondering how long til it all works out right.

"I wanna be your perfect stick of glue but I don't feel perfect at all"

what does that mean?

"I wanna be your perfect stick of glue but I don't feel perfect at all"

to me it means he wants to be the perfect person, who holds everything together for her and be strong for her, all that she needs. but he feels that she is so amazing and perfect that she deserves better than him. and that he feels no matter how hard he tries someone else could fill the part much better.

Haven't cried to a song in such a long time... until I found Blue October and their amazing and sincere poetry!

Superb band!

I agree with all that the poster above has said. I fortunately have not had any mental illness such as depression/bi-polar/mpd/etc but I have studied Justin's writing and have a couple of comments to add to it.

A lot of posters seem to attribute this song to a female companion but in my experience with Justin and his writing, when it comes to songs about his mental state, several of them are directed to family members. As in the song for my brother, we see that Justin trusts his brother implicitly and confides in him when he can't confide in anyone else. I believe that this song is one side of a monologue with his brother.

We see Justin constantly trying to keep it all together. several lines about putting a game face on, perfect stick of glue, etc say to me that he is trying to be normal and appear normal. This is echoed from the song HRSA when he is putting on a show for his group, hiding self abuse, denying feelings, etc.

The most poignant line to me is the line about misplacing trust and watching his word rust. To me it sounds like he has tried to confide in other people and told himself "you can be honest with them" and those people have betrayed his trust and so he has gotten to the point where he can't trust himself (possibly the reason for reaching out to his brother?)

The constant lines about picking up the pieces of his heart are a throw back (if I have my time line correct) to hate me when you can almost taste the regret he has for hurting his family so much. Every time he relapses or has an episode he feels like he lets them down and it breaks his heart. He is just ready to stop letting everyone down.

Those are my additions, please tell me what you think! GREAT SONG!

I love how genuine blue october are, its a thinG that annoys me about a lot of pop music, they don't have much meaning, they're all really about the same things and might not even relate to the singer...

I'm not sure what Justin's mental problems are, from reading these responses it says he has bipolar? And I just Wiki'd him and it says he spent time in a mental institution and a lot of the music relates to that.. And that the Pick Up The Phone tour had to be cancelled due to him being admitted to hospital from an anxiety attack.. Even more respect from that.. It's great how the band could create actually really good music from real experiences.

When I first listened to the song I thought wow I can relate to the lyrics, I can understand where that's coming from from my point of view. It seems like it includes stuff about social anxiety or BPD especially with, "I find it hard to hold conversation, I sweaty sick and I wanna walk away, It's not you It's me and in this situation, I'm wondering will it ever go away, just go away", "perfecting how to put a game face on", "I'll be as honest as I feel, I'm getting more paranoid and I'm hearing things and they never turn out real", and "Yea I'm scared of death and I'm scared of living, I ave up on the past cause it's unforgiving".

I love how genuine blue october are, its a thinG that annoys me about a lot of pop music, they don't have much meaning, they're all really about the same things and might not even relate to the singer...

I'm not sure what Justin's mental problems are, from reading these responses it says he has bipolar? And I just Wiki'd him and it says he spent time in a mental institution and a lot of the music relates to that.. And that the Pick Up The Phone tour had to be cancelled due to him being admitted to hospital from an anxiety attack.. Even more respect from that.. It's great how the band could create actually really good music from real experiences.

When I first listened to the song I thought wow I can relate to the lyrics, I can understand where that's coming from from my point of view. It seems like it includes stuff about social anxiety or BPD especially with, "I find it hard to hold conversation, I sweaty sick and I wanna walk away, It's not you It's me and in this situation, I'm wondering will it ever go away, just go away", "perfecting how to put a game face on", "I'll be as honest as I feel, I'm getting more paranoid and I'm hearing things and they never turn out real", and "Yea I'm scared of death and I'm scared of living, I ave up on the past cause it's unforgiving".

DISCLAIMER I have just obtained a copy of Justin Furstenfeld's book Crazy Making. It's not very detailed, but it contains all the lyrics to all current (The Answers - Approaching Normal) Blue October songs, and his inspiration behind them. As I said, it's not very detailed, but it's his words on every Blue October song that is in the book. I know everyone interprets a song differently from everyone else, but having the original intent behind the song will be helpful to people who don't fully understand a song. Also, any grammatical errors are not made by me, I'm putting down Justin's words exactly how he writes them. So yea... enjoy :)

Picking Up Pieces: "This was me (self portrait) Game face = the most import. two words. I heard those words in passing and I knew my time as 'Emergency Justin' needed to end."