Satan Was Way Cool

Satan was way cool
Everybody was in awe of Satan
He never wore clothes
He just walked around with a goatee and horns coming out of his head
He had tattoos and was probably into body piercing way before anyone else
Satan was the snake that tempted Eve
He knew how lame Eden was so he invented sex
Adam and Eve were thankful and had lots of sex which increased the population
Finally there was too many people so Satan invented war so people could kill each other
That way there was more places to live and more food
After many wars people got bored so God gave them Jesus
Soon they killed Jesus and got bored again
So Satan gave them rock and roll
Rock and roll became bigger than religion
Everyone wanted to be in a rock and roll band
When Robert Johnson wanted to learn how to play guitar all he had to do was go down to the crossroads and ask Satan
Satan gave Jimi Hendrix a can of lighter fluid to set fire to his guitar
He even lent Jim Morrison some beads and a pair of leather pant
Satan hung out with all the rock stars
And when they got too famous or too fat or their music started to suck he helped them make the best possible career move
He killed them.
That was so cool
In the early days Satan used to hang out with God
Then people made up stories giving Satan a bad name so God got uptight and wouldn't let Satan hang around anymore
But that was OK
Satan went down to the earth under the ground and started his own place
This place was way cooler than heaven
People could go there and party and get wasted without worrying about their job or responsibilities
It was like a big club with no cover charge
There was no rules everything was free
They could go there and stay for eternity