Read About Love

Asked my daddy when I was thirteen:
"Daddy can you tell me what love really means?"
His eyes went glassy, not a word was said
He poured another beer and his face turned red
Asked my mother, she acted the same
She never looked up; she seemed so ashamed
Asked my teacher, he reached for the cane
He said, don't mention that subject again
(So I read about love) read it in a magazine
(Read about love) Cosmo' and Seventeen
(Read about love) In the back of a Hustler, Hustler, Hustler
So I know what makes girls sigh
And I know why girls cry
So don't tell me I don't understand
What makes a woman and what makes a man
I've never been to heaven but at least
I've read about love
My big brother told me when I was fourteen
"It's time I showed you what love really means
Girls like kissing and romance too
Well a boy's got to know what a man's got to do."
He gave me a book; the cover was plain
Written by a doctor with a German name
It had glossy pictures; serious stuff
I read it seven times, then I knew it well enough
(Read about love) now I've got you
(Read about love) where I want you
(Read about love) I got you on the test-bed, test-bed, test-bed
So why? Don't you moan and sigh?
And why? Do you sit there and cry?
I do everything I'm supposed to do
But something's wrong and it must be you
I know the ways of a woman; I've read about love
Well, well, well, when I touch you there it's supposed to feel nice
That's what it said in Reader's Advice
I've never been to heaven but at least
I've read about love
[An *infamous* Thompson guitargasm]