Warren wanted a Beach Boys thing for this one, and Carl Wilson and Billy Hinsche came in, with Carl arranging the vocal parts. The other harmony vocalists (credited as the "Gentlemen Boys") were Jackson Browne, J.D. Souther, Zevon's longtime backers Waddy Wachtel and Jorge Calderon, and Linda Rondstadt/Stone Poneys guitarist Kenny Edwards.
Compassion is broken now
My will is eroded now
Desire is broken now
It makes me feel ugly
On my knees and burning
My piss and moans are fuel and,
I set my head on fire
Smell my soul is burning
I'm broken
Looking up to see the enemy
And I've swallowed the poison you're feeding me,
But I survive on the poison you're feeding me
Leaving while you're
Guilt, fed
Hatred, fed
Weakness, fed
It makes me feel ugly
On my knees and burning
My piss and moans are fuel and,
I set my head on fire
Dead inside
Shit adds up
Shit adds up
Shit adds up
Shit adds up at the bottom
If I let you, you would make me destroy myself.
In order to survive you, I must first survive myself.
And I can sink no further, and I cannot forgive you.
There's no choice but to confront you, to engage you, to erase you.
I've gone to great lengths to expand my threshold of pain.
I'll use my mistakes against you.
There's no other choice.
Shameless now, nameless now, nothing now, no one now.
But my soul must be iron.
'Cause my fear is naked.
I'm naked and fearless.
And my fear is naked
Dead inside
Dead inside
Dead inside
Dead inside
Nameless now
Shameless now
Nothing now
No one now
Shit adds up
Shit adds up
Shit adds up
Shit adds as you see me,
Naked now
Fearless now
Naked now
Fearless now
Shit adds up it leaves me,
Dead inside
Dead inside
Dead inside
Dead inside
Hatred keeps me alive,
How could this keep me alive?
Weakness keeps me alive
Guilt keeps me alive at the bottom
My will is eroded now
Desire is broken now
It makes me feel ugly
On my knees and burning
My piss and moans are fuel and,
I set my head on fire
Smell my soul is burning
I'm broken
Looking up to see the enemy
And I've swallowed the poison you're feeding me,
But I survive on the poison you're feeding me
Leaving while you're
Guilt, fed
Hatred, fed
Weakness, fed
It makes me feel ugly
On my knees and burning
My piss and moans are fuel and,
I set my head on fire
Dead inside
Shit adds up
Shit adds up
Shit adds up
Shit adds up at the bottom
If I let you, you would make me destroy myself.
In order to survive you, I must first survive myself.
And I can sink no further, and I cannot forgive you.
There's no choice but to confront you, to engage you, to erase you.
I've gone to great lengths to expand my threshold of pain.
I'll use my mistakes against you.
There's no other choice.
Shameless now, nameless now, nothing now, no one now.
But my soul must be iron.
'Cause my fear is naked.
I'm naked and fearless.
And my fear is naked
Dead inside
Dead inside
Dead inside
Dead inside
Nameless now
Shameless now
Nothing now
No one now
Shit adds up
Shit adds up
Shit adds up
Shit adds as you see me,
Naked now
Fearless now
Naked now
Fearless now
Shit adds up it leaves me,
Dead inside
Dead inside
Dead inside
Dead inside
Hatred keeps me alive,
How could this keep me alive?
Weakness keeps me alive
Guilt keeps me alive at the bottom
Lyrics submitted by homicidal_loser x, edited by Mellow_Harsher, CasROCK96
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Like a lot of the other comments are saying, I think this mainly about voyeurism. If the song was about his girlfriend, then why would he use the word spy. If you are a spy it means you shouldn't be caught, that is kind of the whole point, and if you are a voyeur, the whole point of the pleasure you get from it, is the fact that the other people don't know you are watching them. See a bit of a connection there?
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The way this song speaks to me🥺🥺when I sing it I feel like I relate
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Both as a standalone and as part of the DSOTS album, you can take this lyric as read. As a matter of public record, Jourgensen's drug intake was legendary even in the 1980s. By the late 90s, in his own words, he was grappling with massive addiction issues and had lost almost everything: friends, spouse, money and had nearly died more than once. "Dark Side of the Spoon" is a both funny & sad title for an album made by a musical genius who was losing the plot; and this song is a message to his fans & friends saying he knows it. It's painful to listen to so I'm glad the "Keith Richards of industrial metals" wised up and cleaned up. Well done sir.
It seems to me like this song is about an addiction. The speaker has had this addiction for a long time, and he feels his has hit rock "bottom" now. He understands that he has to face his addiction before it completely destroys him, but at the same time he feels utterly helpless and unable to do so. His guilt is the only thing that has kept his addiction from killing him already.