Dog Treat

[Spoken word]
Okay thanks, uh... You know, uh, this is weird.
Uh, didn't-- most of us have dogs, alright?
I don't know if this is a local thing where I live, or if it's everywhere, and I'm checking with you because, uh, I don't get in the area that often and I'm just checking to see if...
There's a new kind of a dog treat. And uh--where I live--and they're available at the pet store and for the longest time, I just thought that it was some kind of a frank. Or a...
I wasn't really sure what it was, until I'd read the label on the back and it said... "Bull Penis".
And uh, I was a little shocked! I know you can get just about *anything* in this world. You can get a whale's pancreas if you'd want one. I can get you one!
But c'mon, a bull's penis. How busy they were in their whole lives. And to throw it to a dog like that for a snack.
Now are they available here in the Los Angeles area? They are, aren't they? Doesn't that make you a little wheezy? Makes you wanna live a long time. Makes me wanna.
And on the back, what really bothered me is it said, "100% Natural". I mean, that's the part that really got me. And it said, "A Real Meat Snack". There's just no dignity in that. Uh, anyway...
The other thing is that they're 36 inches long!
They're so long they had to cut 'em into bite-size portions. And then they'd take two and braid them together. I know, I know! I never want to die.
And this is a song that was written by Gregory Peck for his dating my mom.
That's a lie.