The song lyrics were written by the band Van Halen, as they were asked to write a song for the 1979 movie "Over the Edge" starring Matt Dillon. The movie (and the lyrics, although more obliquely) are about bored, rebellious youth with nothing better to do than get into trouble. If you see the movie, these lyrics will make more sense. It's a great movie if you grew up in the 70s/80s you'll definitely remember some of these characters from your own life. Fun fact, after writing the song, Van Halen decided not to let the movie use it.
I can't deny what I've become
I'm just emotionally undone
I can't deny, I can't be someone else
When I have tried to find the words
To describe this sense absurd
Try to resist my thoughts but I can't lie
I'm losing myself
My desire I can't hide
No reason am I for
I can't divide or hide from me
I don't know who I'm meant to be
I guess it's just the person that I am
Often I've dreamt that I don't wade
Enjoy the gift of my mistake
But yet again I'm wrong, and I confess
I'm losing myself
My desire I can't hide
No reason am I for
I'm losing myself
My desire I can't hide
No reason am I for
I'm just emotionally undone
I can't deny, I can't be someone else
When I have tried to find the words
To describe this sense absurd
Try to resist my thoughts but I can't lie
I'm losing myself
My desire I can't hide
No reason am I for
I can't divide or hide from me
I don't know who I'm meant to be
I guess it's just the person that I am
Often I've dreamt that I don't wade
Enjoy the gift of my mistake
But yet again I'm wrong, and I confess
I'm losing myself
My desire I can't hide
No reason am I for
I'm losing myself
My desire I can't hide
No reason am I for
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I don't know why so many people say it has something to do with sexual orientation. Or maybe its just me, cause I'm not a native speaker so I might be just not getting smth. Personally I always thought the song is about depression so deep that you have suicidal thoughts revolving in your head.
The first words are actually a perfect illustration for depression: "I can't deny what I've become, I'm just emotionally undone, I can't deny, I can't be someone else". When you're depressed, you only feel what a mess you are, unable to feel any other emotions. We all wear different masks and act in differnrt ways with different people, but you don't have enough emotional strength for that when you've got depression.
All the lines describe depressive feeling so well, and these words - "Try to resist my thoughts But I can't lie" - for me it was like "I know that suicide is wrong but I can't lie to myself that there's something worth living for here". And after that "often I've dreamt that I don't wait, enjoy the gift of my mistake" - suicide is wrong - a mistake - but she desires the death so much that dying is a pleasure.
Well, probably everyone just hears what they want to hear :)
@Annikka I think most people naturally try to interpret songs to have a sexual meaning even when there is none. Either most songwriters really are horny all the time, or it is just an unfortunate byproduct of our overtly sexual western culture. I find nothing in this song relating to anything sexual other than the word 'desire', and even that has other meanings that fit better. Or, perhaps I'm ignoring the sexual connotations because because I actually enjoy this music, and I'm sick of everything being about sex. I do, however, agree that this song seems to be about an emotional struggle of depression and self-hatred. Then again, that seems to be the tone of the majority of Portishead's music.
Be true to yourself!
Or else you'll shamble through life lost, confused, purposeless--like one of the walking dead (hence the deadlined EKG tone we hear at the start).
Trying to avoid going too deep into Beth's personal life, I think this song has to do with the struggle of a different sexual choice. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Hmm, the more I think about it, the more that seems plausible. And not just for this song, but the whole album. I don't want to sound too presumptuous either, but the album's preoccupation with self-identity, true desires, and guilt makes me wonder if it could all be about a struggle of sexual orientation.
Food for thought.
The lyrics just seem very existential to me. Not about sexuality or anything like that. Rather the general existential condition, which causes us to live an unauthentic life to conform to external, social demands. And yet, despite trying to be other than who we really are, we can't ultimate escape ourselves, even though we don't know ourselves who we are.
I agree with you wholeheartedly, that's the same impression I got as well. The hints we were given in songs like Elysium seem to have gotten a lot more concrete.
Oh and btw, it's not really an EKG flatline tone, it's a TV signal tone.
love the remix of this song. :)
Does anybody else hear the "Happy Together" vibe of this song? This song is about the constant struggle with oneself's emotions - insecurities, let downs, not finding your place in life. I have the feeling Beth's lyrics are rarely autobiographical. Rather, I like to think of her as a story-teller. Or just European. Either way, love her lyrics!
The music is amazing, the lyrics are as well. wow, is just SO amazing and perfect.
This song arouses me.