So this has been.my favorite song of OTEP's since it came out in 2004, and I always thought it was a song about a child's narrative of suffering in an abusive Christian home. But now that I am revisiting the lyrics, I am seeing something totally new.
This song could be gospel of John but from the perspective of Jesus.
Jesus was NOT having a good time up to and during the crucifixion. Everyone in the known world at the time looked to him with fear, admiration or disgust and he was constantly being asked questions. He spoke in "verses, prophesies and curses". He had made an enemy of the state, and believed the world was increasingly wicked and fallen from grace, or that he was in the "mouth of madness".
The spine of atlas is the structure that allows the titan to hold the world up. Jesus challenged the state and in doing so became a celebrated resistance figure. It also made him public enemy #1.
All of this happened simply because he was doing his thing, not because of any agenda he had or strategy.
And then he gets scourged (storm of thorns)
There are some plot holes here but I think it's an interesting interpretation.
All I had hoped for
I kept inside your car
The rabbit in the barn
Most of all I wait
I wait beside the door
I wait beside the door
Oh, I was wrong
Trembling in the cage
I was diamonds in the rage
In seven hours
I consider death
And your father called to yell at me
You little boy, you little boy
Found out you cheated me
I ran behind the barn and cut my hand somehow
Blood in the meadow lark
I punched your ears instead
I punched you in the head
You only laughed and laughed and laughed
How I was wrong, tingling from the kill
You tickle me until
You devil bird, you evil still
I slept on my arms, sleeping on the sill
I was sleeping in the room with you
You little boy, you little boy
How could you run from me now
The loneliest chime in the house
The loneliest chime in the house
You let it out, you let it out
Come to your Calvary still
I'm bleeding and breaking until
I'm bleeding in spite of my warmth for you
It bruised and bruised my will
Come to me now with your pains
The breathing inside of the rage
You touched me inside of my cage
Beneath my shirt your hands embraced me
Come to me feathered and frayed
For I am the ugliest prey
For I am the ugliest prey
Beyond the reckless, reckless raise
You said you'd wait for me
Down by the tannery creek
Far out by the clothesline
Where we used to kiss behind the sheets
Wrapped in a blanket of red
The owl and the tanager sat
The owl and the tanager said
One waits until the hour is death
I kept inside your car
The rabbit in the barn
Most of all I wait
I wait beside the door
I wait beside the door
Oh, I was wrong
Trembling in the cage
I was diamonds in the rage
In seven hours
I consider death
And your father called to yell at me
You little boy, you little boy
Found out you cheated me
I ran behind the barn and cut my hand somehow
Blood in the meadow lark
I punched your ears instead
I punched you in the head
You only laughed and laughed and laughed
How I was wrong, tingling from the kill
You tickle me until
You devil bird, you evil still
I slept on my arms, sleeping on the sill
I was sleeping in the room with you
You little boy, you little boy
How could you run from me now
The loneliest chime in the house
The loneliest chime in the house
You let it out, you let it out
Come to your Calvary still
I'm bleeding and breaking until
I'm bleeding in spite of my warmth for you
It bruised and bruised my will
Come to me now with your pains
The breathing inside of the rage
You touched me inside of my cage
Beneath my shirt your hands embraced me
Come to me feathered and frayed
For I am the ugliest prey
For I am the ugliest prey
Beyond the reckless, reckless raise
You said you'd wait for me
Down by the tannery creek
Far out by the clothesline
Where we used to kiss behind the sheets
Wrapped in a blanket of red
The owl and the tanager sat
The owl and the tanager said
One waits until the hour is death
Lyrics submitted by yeahoksufjan
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its amazing how far music can come.. 24 years after it released and its one of the most heartfelt songs ive heard
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In regards to the meaning of this song:
Before a live performance on the EP Five Stories Falling, Geoff states “It’s about the last time I went to visit my grandmother in Columbus, and I saw that she was dying and it was the last time I was going to see her. It is about realizing how young you are, but how quickly you can go.”
That’s the thing about Geoff and his sublime poetry, you think it’s about one thing, but really it’s about something entirely different. But the lyrics are still universal and omnipresent, ubiquitous, even. So relatable. That’s one thing I love about this band. I also love their live performances, raw energy and Geoff’s beautiful, imperfectly perfect vocals. His voice soothes my aching soul.
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This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
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I think your first comment is closer to being accurate. The singer/song writers state "Millions of eyes can see, yet why am i so blind!? When the someone else is me, its unkind its unkind". I believe hes referring to the girl toying with him and using him. He wants something deeper with her, thats why he allows himself to be as a puppet (even though for her fun and games) as long as it makes her happy. But he knows deep down that she doesnt really want to be serious with him and thats what makes him.
It seems like sufjan is simultaneously speaking from the perspective of an animal (the owl, perhaps) and a boy who found the animal (probably injured). Ultimately, the boy abuses the animal (Wrapped in a blanket of red, the owl and the tanager sat, the owl and the tanager said one waits until the hour is death.). I think this song explores the notion of abuse in an eerie and beautiful way.
A predator/prey metaphor for an asymmetrical relationship. Sufjan is the tanager, the prey. His sheltered inexperience burdens him with a needy intensity. An easy victim for the more worldly owl.
It comes to a head when the owl cheats, stands him up. The tanager rages, ponders suicide, makes a half-hearted attempt. Opts instead for physical confrontation when the owl appears. Is disgusted by his own helplessness. The owl toys with him, laughs off his anger, they wrestle…into sex, but not reconciliation. Not until the owl acknowledges his reciprocal need does the tanager relent, this time on his own terms. He is still prey, still needy, but has asserted himself, acknowledged his own worth.
Sounds like a crappy but necessary experience.
I give my humble interpretations of many Sufjan Stevens songs here: mindthatknowsitself.tumblr.com
What album is this on? And is it even real? Sorry, but I've become kind of skeptical about "unreleased" Sufjan tracks ever since the Oregon fiasco.
I'd say it's really him singing it, since there are youtubes of him performing it.
it is diamonds in the rage, you can hear it in some recordings
the song is amazing live and in person.
yes this song is real and its wonderfully written and performed!
This is a great version of it...
pen.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/1857/prmID/1502
this recording is like a mini concert or something. Check it out!
Wow, this song is hauntingly beautiful, and very enigmatic. I'm a long way from figuring out the meaning but I think I can make a few small corrections to the lyrics:
"cut my hand somehow" not "hand" "The breathing inside of the rage" not "range" "The owl away has spread his praise" not "Beyond the reckless, reckless raise"
That last one is tough to nail down 100%, especially the 'away has' syllables.
this song is hauntingly beautiful. sufjan is a genius. this makes me cry and get chills every time i hear it.