All Apologies (Boombox Demo version)

Everyone comes so close to getting this song, but are off by just a bit. Firstly, yes, this is akin to a suicide note. It's position at the end of In Utero is no accident, it's Kurt's final message to the world

"What else should I be All apologies"

Most get this, this is like, what else can I be? To put it in today's terms, should I be like Pearl Jam and just make forgettable records a decade after anyone cares about them anymore, or be like U2 and criss cross between techno and saving the world?

"What else should I say Everyone is gay"

Many times Kurt wrote in an abstract and intuitive way. And other times, he was blatantly direct. This is one of those times. This line has nothing to do with being happy or whatever bullshit people are telling themselves. It means exactly what you all deep down know it means. Everyone has homoerotic feelings. Everyone. Get over it. So what else do you cretins want me to say? How about this!

"What else could I write I don't have the right"

He mentioned in his suicide note that he didn't have the right to write music if he no longer felt the passion anymore.

"What else should I be All apologies

In the sun In the sun I feel as one In the sun In the sun I'm married buried"

Most people get this. The sun is the equivalent of being dead, and feel as one is being free. Married and buried? Maybe that's what comes to us all? Or maybe that's what makes you feel as one? Or perhaps both. Nirvana lyrics frequently had double meanings

"I wish I was like you Easily amused Find my nest of salt"

He wishes he could be like most people, and be happy with their TV's and beer and strip clubs. Or be like most celebrities, and be happy with the money, fame, drugs, and whores. He can't

"Everything is my fault I'll take all the blame"

Again, this is very direct, and means exactly what it seems. No one is responsible for Kurt's suicide besides Kurt, and no one should feel responsible. This seems like it could be sarcastic, but it's not. Sarcasm generally doesn't litter suicide notes, sincerity does (as well as self-loathing)

"Aqua seafoam shame Sunburn with freezerburn Choking on the ashes of her enemy"

This is a little tougher, as it's very much on the abstract side. "Aqua seafoam shame" would seem to indicate shame that goes out to the ocean like ashes. "Sunburn with freezerburn" seems to indicate something akin to a double edge sword, or between a rock and a hard place. You get burned both ways. Maybe that's how he viewed being a famous band versus being an underground band? And "choking on the ashes of her enemy" would seem to go in line with "aqua seafoam shame," meaning the ashes of the enemy of mother nature will go out to be part of it. It's a self-loathing view. It has nothing to do with Courtney Love.

"All alone is all we are (x14)"

I changed it to what it really says. "All in all is all we are" means absolutely nothing. "All alone is all we are" means exactly what it says. We're all alone in this world. He says it very clearly, especially at the last line when the instruments go off. Listen closely to Kurt's final message to the world if you want to know what All Apologies says