Nirvana – All Apologies

General CommentEveryone comes so close to getting this song, but are off by just a bit. Firstly, yes, this is akin to a suicide note. It's position at the end of In Utero is no accident, it's Kurt's final message to the world

"What else should I be
All apologies"

Most get this, this is like, what else can I be? To put it in today's terms, should I be like Pearl Jam and just make forgettable records a decade after anyone cares about them anymore, or be like U2 and criss cross between techno and saving the world?

"What else should I say
Everyone is gay"

Many times Kurt wrote in an abstract and intuitive way. And other times, he was blatantly direct. This is one of those times. This line has nothing to do with being happy or whatever bullshit people are telling themselves. It means exactly what you all deep down know it means. Everyone has homoerotic feelings. Everyone. Get over it. So what else do you cretins want me to say? How about this!

"What else could I write
I don't have the right"

He mentioned in his suicide note that he didn't have the right to write music if he no longer felt the passion anymore.

"What else should I be
All apologies

In the sun
In the sun I feel as one
In the sun
In the sun
I'm married
buried"

Most people get this. The sun is the equivalent of being dead, and feel as one is being free. Married and buried? Maybe that's what comes to us all? Or maybe that's what makes you feel as one? Or perhaps both. Nirvana lyrics frequently had double meanings

"I wish I was like you
Easily amused
Find my nest of salt"

He wishes he could be like most people, and be happy with their TV's and beer and strip clubs. Or be like most celebrities, and be happy with the money, fame, drugs, and whores. He can't

"Everything is my fault
I'll take all the blame"

Again, this is very direct, and means exactly what it seems. No one is responsible for Kurt's suicide besides Kurt, and no one should feel responsible. This seems like it could be sarcastic, but it's not. Sarcasm generally doesn't litter suicide notes, sincerity does (as well as self-loathing)

"Aqua seafoam shame
Sunburn with freezerburn
Choking on the ashes of her enemy"

This is a little tougher, as it's very much on the abstract side. "Aqua seafoam shame" would seem to indicate shame that goes out to the ocean like ashes. "Sunburn with freezerburn" seems to indicate something akin to a double edge sword, or between a rock and a hard place. You get burned both ways. Maybe that's how he viewed being a famous band versus being an underground band? And "choking on the ashes of her enemy" would seem to go in line with "aqua seafoam shame," meaning the ashes of the enemy of mother nature will go out to be part of it. It's a self-loathing view. It has nothing to do with Courtney Love.

"All alone is all we are (x14)"

I changed it to what it really says. "All in all is all we are" means absolutely nothing. "All alone is all we are" means exactly what it says. We're all alone in this world. He says it very clearly, especially at the last line when the instruments go off. Listen closely to Kurt's final message to the world if you want to know what All Apologies says

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  @mostly90s
  +1

  Perhaps, "All I know is all we are"?
  As if he's giving up hope on humanity.

  Flag monimarion July 31, 2013  

  +1

  the phrase "all in all is all we all are" is the original phrase and that's the one that is on the "in utero" album.
  the phrase you are referring to "all alone is all we all are" he used only one time and was at the MTV unplugged show.
  

  Flag muddywateron December 22, 2013  

  0

  Brilliant and perfectly sensical.
  As for muddywater above, the dude IS right, he does seem to say something very close to "alone."

  Flag headofradioon January 05, 2014  

  +2

  if the dude is referring to the MTV unplugged show than yes he is right. kurt does say "all alone is all we are" but he sings that phrase only at that show. the recorded phrase on "in utero" is "all in all is all we are"

  Flag muddywateron January 06, 2014  

  +1

  Flag sisizion April 30, 2014  

  +1

  My favorite part is the end where he says "All in all...." it is almost like a religious chant or prayer with the repetition.

  Flag sisizion April 30, 2014  

  0

  "aqua seafoam shame" may also refer to his past, as he lived in Aberdeen, Washington and was basically next to the sea

  Flag david11037on June 01, 2014  

  +1

  @mostly90s
  "All in all is all we are" may be a reference to the Pixies song "Levitate Me" which includes the lyrics "If all in all is true" which is repeated several times.
  
  If not, then my interpretation is that it's sort of like saying that, overall, humans are just sort of *here*, nothing more. Everything we've done or will do boils down to just us existing or not existing, anything else is getting into specifics.

  Flag PairOFishon March 08, 2015  

  0

  @mostly90s He says it himself when they ask him to do an interview, just listen to the music. It's all in the music..

  Flag urbansavageon May 12, 2015  

  0

  @mostly90s
  
  >"What else should I say
  Everyone is gay"
  
  Many times Kurt wrote in an abstract and intuitive way. And other times, he was blatantly direct. This is one of those times. This line has nothing to do with being happy or whatever bullshit people are telling themselves. It means exactly what you all deep down know it means. Everyone has homoerotic feelings. Everyone. Get over it. So what else do you cretins want me to say? How about this!
  
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  I don't care that this post is from 7 years ago. I'm going to just say: absolutely NOT is this Kurt saying that everyone has homoerotic feelings. I feel like you'd have to have such a poor knowledge of his character to think he was being literal. He is using the term gay DEROGATORILY----Kurt was a MISANTHROPE. He was simply saying that he feels that everyone is disgenuine, chirpy, and just unbearable. It has nothing to do with fucking homoeroticism, jesus christ. I don't know why this annoyed me so much, but it feels like it's coming from someone that knows so little about Kurt.

  Flagged jessedudezon December 13, 2016  

  0

  @jessedudez
  
  I don't care if this post is months old. I'm just going to say, Cobain thought being gay, bisexuality, lesbian, what have you was completely natural. His mother was a homophobic lady (possibly, much like you!). He is using the word gay--literally. (Did you see how I didnt have to use caps to get my point across? "I feel like you have to have such a poor knowledge of his character" to think he was saying otherwise. I don't know why the word gay makes you so angry, I hope all is better with you in the end. Check out "Kurt Cobain on Identity" on youtube: Cobain had a gay best friend, his only male friend during his childhood and his homophobic mother took that away. His high school friends were female--this dude loved women! If anything, he was one of the many that kept promoting female empowerment in rock and roll. Literally, no one knows this. What you see on stage is not always what it seems. Despite him being a part of American rock, he couldn't understand why a lot of Aerosmith and Led Zepelin had them talking about their dicks and "bitch" and sexism (Dont get me wrong, im a woman and I love them, it was just the norm of the era). I don't think you know as much as you think about Cobain (none of us do), but what does it matter? This song is about death, he was in pain, we can all relate to it in some way and disregard what may have been something insulting to you, but a vital aspect in someone life.

  Flag jazzpopon July 17, 2017  

  0

  Hey, I don't think that poster was being derogatory towards homosexuality. At least, there's no real evidence of that in that post. I also think they're right, that the lyric wasn't meant to represent that "everyone has homoerotic tendencies" (which I disagree with, notwithstanding). I think it has more to do with everyone being... what? Identical, happy (in appearance at least), different from Kurt. That would fit with "all in all/all alone."
  
  Some other interpretations:
  
  The sun part (married, buried) to me does invoke death, but also the personification of it. It's a popular enough trope, and it always reminds me of something about marrying death. Can't quite remember but Emily Dickinson comes to mind. If that were to be true, then the "married, buried" part is obvious. By marrying death, you die.
  
  The other one is the "sunburn with freezerburn." He mentions shame above, which could be the shame associated with suicide. Sunburn harkens back to the sun mentioned prior, which relates to death. As for freezerburn, what do you do with a dead body? It goes in the freezer. So maybe that's something.
  
  Then, all in all and all alone we are. In life, in death.
  
  That's about it, but mostly I disagree heavily with the homoerotic assumption.

  Flag poisontongueon August 05, 2017  

  0

  @mostly90s The "everyone is gay" also ties in nicely with Kurt's youth experiences (see "God Is Gay" and witnessed homophobia). So, it all came full circle in a sense, from youth to death. Everyone is fake happy, but not as different as they think they are. I think you can sense his isolation in the tone.

  Flag poisontongueon August 05, 2017  

General CommentI know everyone who wrote what they think the song about is probably really smart, smarter than me, but you guys are all way too analytical. Kurt Cobain wrote this song a long time before he even met Courtney Love. And Courtney Love was doing drugs a long time before she met Kurt Cobain. It doesn't have anything to do with her. And I can see how someone could think that it was about Courtney Love, (I'm married/buried) but I really think it was a stretch to say that it was about him got her hooked onto drugs. Now that I've said that, I have to say I don't really know what the song is about. Unless Kurt told someone, he was vague to the point where no one could figure out exactly what he meant. And I'm not criticizing him for it; I think it proves his integrity just a little bit more because he didn't write an obvious song just so it would be more mainstream and people would get it. It could have been about his own negative view about marriage from childhood, since his parents got divorced when he was nine. It could be about so many things, which I think makes it a better song because more people could relate to it based on their own experiences.

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  @beth46307
  +2

  I love this! I hate that when people try to determine lyrics for Nirvana, it always ends up being about Courtney Love.. the same thing for Hole.. all the lyrics have to be about Kurt Cobain

  Flag jesslovesmusic89on November 17, 2008  

  +1

  thank you!! I don't think it has anything to w/ that horrible woman. I agree w/ you 100%!!

  Flag mmp806on July 08, 2009  

  -1

  i think it has to do with how everyone looks at him as some kind of genius for his wonderful insightful lyrics haha, but in reality theyre not as complicated as anyone says, and as someone else pointed out the lyrics are the least important part of his songs, because he is strongly influenced by sonic youth and one can see clear similarities on this album, and noise is really an emotionally solute form of music, an aesthetic wholly embraced on this album, yet none of his fans seem to understand them at all, and this album was pretty much an fu to the fans and record company as it almost wasnt released because it was too noisy and abrasive, personally i find it to be the best nirvana album aside from the awesome unplugged performance, oh and id say kurts sarcastic humor is shown very subtly here if you read deeply into the lyrics, its like he sarcastically pokes fun at himself in many songs like in bloom for one, pennyroyal tea, with his melancholic moans about how he cant do anything besides drink pennyroyal tea, its kinda funny, but at the same time his writing is serious, i think the best example of his sarcastic humor is on unplugged when he plays a song, about a girl and says yea none of you have heard this one, its from my first record, and its kinda funny how there is literally no laughter in the crowd, kinda shows the type of fans that he had hah

  Flag bobolsonon May 06, 2010  

  +1

  Yeah I agree. Might add that the lyric 'Everyone is gay' could be a reference to the fact he wanted to be gay, 'just to piss off the homophobes'.

  Flag merton81on September 18, 2011  

  +2

  wrong! you are way off. Kurt wrote this song in 1992 around the same time he wrote "heart shaped box". he was already married to Courtney during that time and his marriage wasn't doing all that great, in fact it threatened the very existence of the band.
  aside from being a song about guilt, self loathing and the feeling of worthlessness this song has everything to do with Courtney and that's why Kurt dedicated this song to his wife and new born baby at the 1992 Reading festival (which was by far one of the best shows Nirvana ever preformed).
  you where right about one thing thus, and i quote "...Now that I've said that, I have to say I don't really know what the song is about...."
  
  

  Flag muddywateron December 23, 2013  

  0

  @beth46307 woooo :) Millions of like bro .. I love you for this <3 nirvana ...
  You give a very good mean to this song .. and this is one of my fav song .. wow .. Respect bro

  Flag nirvana902on May 02, 2015  

General CommentLETS THINK ABOUT THIS FOR A SECOND. IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT A SONG MEANS, WHY DO YOU WASTE SPACE JUST TO SAY..."I DONT KNOW WHAT THIS SONG MEANS" ...GIVE ME A BREAK!! :)

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  @butterfly_screams
  -1

  Shut up!! You just wasted twice as much space saying that!! grr

  Flag SNEEZEon November 10, 2009  

General Commentthe first verse...
"What else should I be
All apologies"
--asking if he should not be a star because he isn't a role modle
"What else should I say
Everyone is gay"
--asking if you blame him for being what we all want him to be...a rebell--for lack of a better word
"What else could I write
I don't have the right"
--it isn't his job to say Courtney is hooked on drugs though he admits he is---this meaning might be off..its an interesting line..but it would fallow with my theroy.
"What else should I be
All apologies"
--repeated...mainly he can't stop thinking its his fault
and the coures..
in the sun--his description of being high..sun..later he says Courtney is sunburned...(now you see my point)
in the sun i feel as one--when he is high he feels whole.
just my theroy..

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  @dellslave
  0

  That's a pretty long bow to be pulling, I can't say I agree with you. Seems like you've decided what it's about and then twisted the interpretation to fit it.
  
  I'm pretty sure that this was written well before he met Courtney Love anyway.
  
  TV

  Flag tvsinesperantoon October 06, 2009  

General CommentThis song is a song that should mean whatever you want it to mean. It could have so many meanings. To me though, it's saying alot. each line has new meaning to me. but i can relate to it the most when i'm feeling trapped, like no one likes me, when i have no idea what to write, when i feel like everyones blaming me for something that's not my fault. when i just want to crawl into a hole and never come out. when i'm feeling alone. but all in all, i think it's one of the greatest songs ever written.

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  @Glynis
  0

  when you say "crawl into a hole" i totally understand you. Thats what i want to do when i feel really down to. (im not saying that sarcastically)

  Flag nevermind17on July 04, 2011  

General CommentChill out on the murder thing and this being a "Suicide Note" song. All his albums displayed suicidal meanings and when he finally did it, it proves he's not whining and gutless. I don't agree with suicide but fuck, when you're depressed... And this song was written in 1990. The lyrics changed some. Kurt always said he wanted to be vague, let it mean what it does for you, that's music. Some of you had some great interpretations, others are lost like Kurt would like you to be. I don't know shit but in a previous album he states "god is gay" (stay away, nevermind) "What else can I say?"

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  @GCK

My Interpretation'In utero' was front loaded with all the 'tunes' and descends into a dissonant squall towards the end (which I love).

It was a deliberate attempt to alienate the very people that had bought their records and put them where they were. The Album finishes with 'All apologies'. Basically a sarcastic retort to all the mugs who liked them for their 'pretty songs' and had bought this album, scratching their heads going WTF?!

It's like he's saying 'Not what you expected? Nevermind II? Sorry guys.....' with a wry grin on his face.

PS I think 'In Utero' is head and shoulders above 'Nevermind'

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  @nickster007
  +1

  Is dissonant squall similar in nature to atonal droning or is it a modern take on spectrum loading noises?

  Flag aphidon January 15, 2010  

General CommentAqua seafoam shame is a reference to Kurt's feelings about the Nevermind album. It's well documented that Kurt thought Nevermind was "over-produced for his liking".
dooyoo.co.uk/music-records/nevermind-nirvana/1002028/

At the time Nevermind wrapped Kurt complained that it was a sellout, that it didn't have the raw honesty of "Bleach", a problem he would correct with "In Utero". The phrase "aqua seafoam" refers to the colors on Nevermind's album cover.

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  @catcherinthedark
  +2

  catcherinthedark- I think you are right about the aqua-seafoam shame from Nevermind- good call! Kurt had previously thought of his music as a lark and really struggled with his success, since mainstream society had always treated him (and his friends) unkindly growing up(also, he wanted to be punk- but could never quite emulate his influences properly). I think the first verse was a tribute to his first real friend growing up, who was gay...throughout this song, he gave his friend a voice to the mainstream, telling everyone -look- I was born this way- so he sarcastically apoligizes for being the way he is...and all of his rights for being "gay" were subsequently not the same as other folks, so, again, Kurt sarcastically writes (giving voice to his friend) "I don't have the right". In the sun he felt as one with the world-since we all share at least that (so he felt married or connected to society by this common denominator), but that makes him even more distraught, buried in his own self-loathing for being like the rest of the world, when they are typically so cruel and so unaware of their own inadequacies...Then I think that Kurt wished that he was not so bored with the world and its pettiness, so he wishes that he could be "easily amused"...but instead, he finds his bitterness ("nest of salt") will not allow him any amusement. On the contrary, since he is in such pain and self-loathing, why not take all the blame for everything- it's not gonna effect him anyway- (sunburn with freezerburn)- he is now loved by many in society to the point that the glare is too much(sunburn) after so many years of the world leaving him and his friends out in the cold(freezerburn). (Choking on the ashes of her enemy)- Since they are now on fire(metaphorically), the world is now choking on their stunning succes- but who cares right? Throughout the song, his overall attitude is "hey assholes, what else do you have to throw at me, and what else could you possibly want?"- which I think sums up the whole tone of the song...Anyway- I realize this is just one interpretation...thanks for the aqua-seafoam thing- I was really struggling to make sense of that..."mostly90's"- I like your interpretation as well- I think that Kurt put many double meanings into his songs, like most great artists, so that we would ponder and debate them, and they would thus live on through their music and lyrics...

  Flagged ibstrummingon May 08, 2010  

My InterpretationAfter reading through a few of the top responses, I feel confident that they are much closer to the true meaning of this song than my initial interpretation. Still, I thought I would share how I took the lyrics, just for fun.

"What else should I be,
All apologies"

I always thought (after hearing the married/buried line) this song was from the perspective of a man trapped in an unhappy marriage, where he is constantly his wife's scapegoat. A guy that has been worn down with blame for so many years that he has come to accept his role as the source of everything wrong in their lives.

"What else could I say
Everyone is gay"

I imagined that he eventually came to feel like everyone was against him, and became cynical and worn out with people in general.

"What else could I write
I don't have the right"

This bit only makes sense if I think of the lyrics as his bitter suicide note to his family/wife. Exhausted, he is sarcastically saying that if he is such a monster that he doesn't even deserve to explain himself.

"In the sun, I feel as one."

By this point, my own assigned meaning to the song really starts to reach. I apologize, but move forward anyway! "In the sun" meaning under heat constantly. "Feel as one" could be a reference to the joining of he and his wife in marriage. So, with both considered, he is always under scrutiny in his marriage, always having to sweat it out.

"I'm married/Buried."

Well, that is pretty much the reason for the rest of my interpretation. Married and feeling utterly trapped.

"I wish I was like you
Easily amused
Find my nest of salt
Everything is my fault"

Get ready for some more stretching, because here I go! He is wishing that he could be as easily satisfied with assigning blame and dodging responsibility. The "nest of salt" meaning the home/habit people have made out of rubbing salt in his wounds; giving him problems because it is easier on them (namely his wife).

"I'll take all the blame,
Aqua sea foam shame,
Sunburn with freeze burn,
Choking on the ashes of her enemy"

Sigh, I can only suspect the ocean has something to do with the "nest of salt." Maybe, just maybe, meaning the relentless nature of the criticism, like the ceaseless tide?
The sun/freeze burn is somewhat an oxymoron to draw attention to the way his wife is leaving him alone and isolated by the constant heat she puts on him. The sunburn could be a reference to the earlier lyric "in the sun, I feel as one," explaining that all the blame he receives is catching up with his mental health/self esteem. The "freeze burn" meaning the cold, icy, relationship he now has with his wife.
"Choking on the ashes of her enemy" describes how she is growing tired with ripping him to shreds because he is no longer able to be hurt by it. He has lost feeling and become numb, which robs her of much of the satisfaction gained from hurting him.

"All alone is all we are"

Finally, his feelings that marriage only advertises lifelong companionship without ever providing it. Again, this is the cynical conclusion drawn in what could be a suicide note.

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  @DSLR

General CommentThis song is about someone who apoligizes for the things that he says and does, but he continues to do them regardless. Eventually she starts to doubt his sincerety. If he was really sorry then why does he continue to do the same thing over and over. She starts to understand that he truly isn't sorry. She never saw him express true remorse. He didn't seem sorrowful when he saw her in pain. He knows she has low self-esteem and has a hard time standing up for herself. He only seemed sorry to see the consequences of his abusive behaviour. He reverts back to his abusive behaviour as soon as he thinks he can get away with it again. She eventually understands that he isn't that man she thought he was. She keeps clinging to the hope that she's wrong about him. He's still really the man she first met. She starts to accept reality for it is.He doesn't love her. Because love always protects.

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  @terrible