Up My Ass

<i>(spoken)</i>
Oh yeah. Up my ass.
Up my ass.
Up my ass. A lit candle–up my ass. A firecracker, a finger, a thumb–up my ass. An egg. A vibratin' egg. A scrambled egg–up my ass. A dildo, strapped onto a mannequin, wearing a Nixon mask–up my ass.
Power tools, an electric drill, a screwdriver, a monkey wrench–up my ass. A monkey–up my ass.
A potpourri of assorted fragrances–up my ass. Up my smelly asshole. 'Cause I'm not one of those guys who walks around pretending that my shit don't stink. My shit stinks. I admit it. And right now, there is a lot of shit–up my ass.
Up my ass.
Up my ass.
Up my ass–and to the left.
Up my ass. Step right up. Step right up. Come one, come all–up my ass. Everyone and everything–up my ass.
Everything except for your skanky, bullshit, artificial, plastic dick (oh yeah), looks like you bought it at the K-Mart (up my ass)–fuck you with your bogus dildo (oh yeah). You can shove that up <i>your</i> ass, honey, not mine. Up <i>my</i> ass, I got a special gift for you (up my ass). Right here. Come and get it. It's up my ass.
Up my ass.
Up my ass.
Up my ass.
The Louisiana Purchase–up my ass (up my ass). The Encyclopædia Britannica (up my ass)–up my ass (up my ass). Your grandmother–up my ass. Shields and Yarnell–up my ass.
Chocolates. Lollipops. Cakes and pies... and it's all for free. Children... children...