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Chair Ass Lyrics
I've got a chair attached to my ass for 13 hours every day
Add two more after and before, just getting there and away
Like thrown meat landing on a seat - just vegetating in decay
I'm squattified - too settled in, and melting into pear-shaped dismay
Shapes and textures etched into my back on few occasions whence I stand
Impressions of a cushion pressed into a lazy man
The furniture acts like a cookie-cutter - reforming me like wooden hands on flattened dough
Till I tear the glue of hair and sweat and go
The vinyl interlocked with dimples grips my body
Till I'm just a finished pile of human relic on a legged place-mat
I fall between the tensing cracks - I feel trapped on the tracks
I don't need feet - I'm levitated by the seat - yeah, I've got chair ass
Yeah, no, something gone wrong
Here, gone, too late, I'm done
My blood pools in my thighs
I bloat and swell cold till I rise
Numb I stand, arms in clammy palms, rubber bones give at the knee
Ankles thick but empty, couldn't hold the gelatin mold
Watch the cardhouse man fold
Yeah, no, something gone wrong
Here, gone, too late, I'm done
Yeah, no, gone, too late, I'm done
Yeah, no, gone, too late, I'm done
Add two more after and before, just getting there and away
Like thrown meat landing on a seat - just vegetating in decay
I'm squattified - too settled in, and melting into pear-shaped dismay
Impressions of a cushion pressed into a lazy man
The furniture acts like a cookie-cutter - reforming me like wooden hands on flattened dough
Till I tear the glue of hair and sweat and go
Till I'm just a finished pile of human relic on a legged place-mat
I fall between the tensing cracks - I feel trapped on the tracks
I don't need feet - I'm levitated by the seat - yeah, I've got chair ass
Here, gone, too late, I'm done
I bloat and swell cold till I rise
Numb I stand, arms in clammy palms, rubber bones give at the knee
Ankles thick but empty, couldn't hold the gelatin mold
Watch the cardhouse man fold
Here, gone, too late, I'm done
Yeah, no, gone, too late, I'm done
Yeah, no, gone, too late, I'm done
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"In April 97 Shrapnel Records agreed to negotiate the release from my contract with them. It was time to get back on track and have a band again, like I did before the solo records, and this CD was gonna be the starting point. I took the songs recorded for the Hermit CD that Shrapnel rejected (Dummy, Vomit, Dirty Pant’loons,) and then finished the unrecorded songs that Shrapnel also rejected (Swatting Flies, What I Knew, Shrunk.)
From there I wrote Chair Ass - I was drinking a can of Path Mark ginger ale, and half way through recording the solo I grabbed the half-full can and wedged it against the strings and played the rest of the solo with one hand. It made a bit of a mess all over the guitar - I think it improved the sound." - Ron Thal