So this has been.my favorite song of OTEP's since it came out in 2004, and I always thought it was a song about a child's narrative of suffering in an abusive Christian home. But now that I am revisiting the lyrics, I am seeing something totally new.
This song could be gospel of John but from the perspective of Jesus.
Jesus was NOT having a good time up to and during the crucifixion. Everyone in the known world at the time looked to him with fear, admiration or disgust and he was constantly being asked questions. He spoke in "verses, prophesies and curses". He had made an enemy of the state, and believed the world was increasingly wicked and fallen from grace, or that he was in the "mouth of madness".
The spine of atlas is the structure that allows the titan to hold the world up. Jesus challenged the state and in doing so became a celebrated resistance figure. It also made him public enemy #1.
All of this happened simply because he was doing his thing, not because of any agenda he had or strategy.
And then he gets scourged (storm of thorns)
There are some plot holes here but I think it's an interesting interpretation.
I'm walking down in the basement
I'm leaning on the washing machine
I'm reaching back through a hole in the wall's insulation
I'm pulling out a bottle of vodka
Replacing that with a pint of Jim Bean
I'm lying down on the floor until I feel better
It's morning and I pour myself coffee
I drink it til the kitchen stops shaking
I'm backing out of the driveway
And into creation
And the loving spirit that follows me
Watching helplessly, will always forgive me
Oh, I want to die alone
With my sympathy beside me
I want to bring down all those demons who drank with me
Feasting bleed through me
On my desperation
I hide all the bottles in places
They find and confront me with pain in their eyes
And I promise that I'll make some changes
But reaching back it occurs to me
There will always be some kind of crisis for me
Oh, I want to die alone
With my sympathy beside me
I want to bring back all those moments they stole from me
In my reverie
Darkening days end
Oh, I want to die alone
With my memories inside me
I want to live that life
When I could say people had faith in me
I still see that guy in my memory
Oh, I want to die alone
With my sympathy beside me
I want to bring down all those people who drank with me
Watching happily
My humiliation
I'm leaning on the washing machine
I'm reaching back through a hole in the wall's insulation
I'm pulling out a bottle of vodka
Replacing that with a pint of Jim Bean
I'm lying down on the floor until I feel better
It's morning and I pour myself coffee
I drink it til the kitchen stops shaking
I'm backing out of the driveway
And into creation
And the loving spirit that follows me
Watching helplessly, will always forgive me
Oh, I want to die alone
With my sympathy beside me
I want to bring down all those demons who drank with me
Feasting bleed through me
On my desperation
I hide all the bottles in places
They find and confront me with pain in their eyes
And I promise that I'll make some changes
But reaching back it occurs to me
There will always be some kind of crisis for me
Oh, I want to die alone
With my sympathy beside me
I want to bring back all those moments they stole from me
In my reverie
Darkening days end
Oh, I want to die alone
With my memories inside me
I want to live that life
When I could say people had faith in me
I still see that guy in my memory
Oh, I want to die alone
With my sympathy beside me
I want to bring down all those people who drank with me
Watching happily
My humiliation
Lyrics submitted by sav127, edited by brynhild275, Quesito
Table for One Lyrics as written by Brian Vander Ark Julianna Hatfield
Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
Lyrics powered by LyricFind
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i agree that she's trying to sober up, but i don't think she's actually angry with those who didn't try to help. when she sings, "I hide all the bottles in places/ They find and confront me with pain in their eyes," i feel like she has people who are trying to help, but she doesn't want or cannot accept the help. when she sings, "And the loving spirit that follows me/ Watching helplessly, will always forgive me," i feel somewhat like she's upset with her friends/family for enabling by forgiving, but i also think that she's partially taking advantage of the forgiveness. she says that she'll try to change, but she knows (and so do they) that it's an empty promise. alcoholism is quite difficult to break, and no one is ever truly free from any addiction. also true with most addictions is the correlation that can be drawn between the addiction and some form of low self-esteem. when she's wanting to die alone, she's beating herself up for pushing people out of her life, knowing that she can't be in a healthy relationship with a person while she's still committed to the addiction.