FIGJAM

I woke up this morning, but I didn't wake
'Til the afternoon, because I slept in late
With a great mental state and a date with destiny
I'll roll down the block without a copper even stressin' me
Let alone arrestin' me or giving me a ticket
It's coming into summer, and the weather's fucking wicked
So I figured I'd be hitting the beach
Look at skinny-dipper's titties and get something to eat
After half a pound of chips and a flounder burger
I was sitting on my arse like a council worker
Reminising about being pissed off about
My house burning down to the ground, and being out on my arse
Before my change of fortune
Now I score tunes, don't get up before noon
So your mama's on the head of my knob
And it's better than heading to my dead-end job
Because the boss was a cockhead when I was a clerk
So I clocked him - and now I don't work
It's beautiful day, and I can use a cliche, cause
"I am the greatest!" ...like Cassius Clay
I got the world at my feet, and my toe jam's nasty
Figjam!
Fuck I'm good, just ask me
I couldn't give a shit about your corporate hierachy
Figjam!
Fuck I'm good, just ask me
Ahhhh! I can't believe how good I am, I'm the motherfucking man
Ahhhh! I can't believe how good I am, I'm the motherfucking man
Ahhhh! I can't believe how good I am, I'm the motherfucking man
Ahhhh! I can't believe how good I am, I'm the motherfucking man
I rock around in trucker thongs
Fucked off of bucket bongs
If you don't like it, you can come suck a long dick.
'Cause I'm trip hop, all the way to hip hop
I get so plastered, you'd think I'm drinking gyprock
But I'm shit-hot, no matter how you look at it
And my lyrics make you wanna read the booklet
Don't - 'cause I'm cooking it right, like the iron chef
That's why I'm deaf, now to the high clef
Figjam!
The rhymes are fat like Chief Wiggum and the fact
I never lack it's like a magic pack of Tim Tams
We're the duck nuts and you suck and I don't give a damn,
so good on the cut they should call me Edward Scissorhands
So give a hand for me and my associates ... (You suck!)
Well that's just inappropriate
Smoke me a kipper, bitch
I'm from the Ipa-switch
Side of town, don't forget to write it down
(West side, eeee!)
What the fuck? It ain't gangster rap!
Think you're tougher, then you'd probably suffer wanker's cramp
And I'll thank you to fuck right off
Professional fuckwits, take one night off
I'm Evil Eddie with a rock-steady microphone mastery
Figjam!
Fuck I'm good, just ask me
As a concept, the intellect can't grasp me
Figjam!
Fuck I'm good, just ask me
Ahhhh! I can't believe how good I am, I'm the motherfucking man!
Ahhhh! I can't believe how good I am, I'm the motherfucking man!
Ahhhh! I can't believe how good I am, I'm the motherfucking man!
Ahhhh! I can't believe how good I am, I'm the motherfucking man!
I got the style and profile, without the help of rhinoplasty
Figjam!
Fuck I'm good, just ask me
Kicking arse in the charts, but you can't class me
Figjam!
Fuck I'm good, just ask me
I just had a threesome with ya momma and your aunty
Figjam!
Fuck I'm good, just ask me
And they're coming back to star in the bukkake party
Figjam!
My dick is bigger than a wigwam!
And you can see my peepee three feet above my teepee
And if you are getting very sleepy, wake up!
(these cunts need a shake up)
I'm a jet-set, go-getter, but I got a vendetta
Just got a death threat over the phone
Better go lay low, under ground, like a bilby
Figjam!
Chill man, people wanna kill me!
But I don't let that bullshit sweat me
I'm at ya mama's if you wanna come and get me,
You shady fuck, I may be stuck
In a crazy situation but I'm favoured by lady luck
You wanna stop me? You'd wanna do it properly?
[Blam blam]
Ah fuck! Somebody shot me!