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What Was It Like Lyrics

What was it like
How did it feel
It's so hard to tell if it was real
I know I was there but with every day
It slips away
And I feel like a passing glance that you never gave a chance
Baby that's not right
What was it like

What did you say
What did I hear
When did it start to disappear
I know you were there
You know that too
What did we do
'Cause I feel like a big mistake that you managed to not quite make
And just walk away
What did you say

Guess I've waited long enough hoping it might be something
Other than what it was

You took something that felt so good
And crushed it because you could
One summer night
What was it like
What was it like
What was it like
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Cover art for What Was It Like lyrics by Mary Chapin Carpenter

This song evokes a memory of my birthmother who relinquished me for adoption when I was a baby. Seeing her again after so many years, I wanted to know what our time together had been like for her. What did she say? What did I hear? What did we do? It didn't quite seem real. I was indeed her mistake and adoption prevented her from making another mistake--trying to raise a child as a teenage parent. It also allowed her to pretend to others that her pregnancy and relinquishment never occurred. It didn't feel quite real to her either. Reunion was initially a joyful event for me. However the longer I stayed the more I saw how my birthmother's guilt was motivating her actions.. There was no love; only shame, hostility, and a guilty desire to make amends. That was all it ever was. I came to our reunion with a lot of hope, love and happiness in my heart. I felt she crushed my heart under her foot like it was an insect. She hid a lot of resentment and bitterness underneath her guilt. Perhaps she needed me to settle an old score. I wonder what it was like . . .

Memory
 
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