The piano has been drinking,
My necktie is asleep
And the combo went back to New York,
The jukebox has to take a leak
And the carpet needs a haircut,
And the spotlight looks like a prison break
And the telephone's out of cigarettes,
And the balcony is on the make
And the piano has been drinking,
The piano has been drinking

And the menus are all freezing,
And the light man's blind in one eye
And he can't see out of the other
And the piano-tuner's got a hearing aid,
And he showed up with his mother
And the piano has been drinking,
The piano has been drinking
As the bouncer is a Sumo wrestler
Cream puff casper milk toast
And the owner is a mental midget
With the I.Q. of a fence post
'Cause the piano has been drinking,
The piano has been drinking

And you can't find your waitress
With a Geiger counter
And she hates you and your friends and you
Just can't get served without her
And the box office is drooling,
And the bar stools are on fire
And the newspapers were fooling,
And the ash-trays have retired
'Cause the piano has been drinking,
The piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking,
Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me


Lyrics submitted by Novartza

The Piano Has Been Drinking Lyrics as written by Tom Waits

Lyrics © BMG Rights Management, JALMA MUSIC

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The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me) song meanings
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13 Comments

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  • +2
    General Comment

    I think this is one of his saddest songs, I don't find anything funny about it at all. "Not me, not me" is particularly sad.

    Prouderson April 19, 2009   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    Fantastic, no less! Tom Waits imitates a drunkard in this song, and it sounds great. Great emotions.

    MardyAsson November 24, 2004   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    Yeah this is classic. Hilarious.

    JumpyJackon December 17, 2004   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    Yeah this is classic. Hilarious.

    JumpyJackon December 17, 2004   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    Great song! Blame everything else, but not yourself... Isn't that what this is truly about?

    Philosophyon February 15, 2005   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    "imitates a drunkard"......................he was an alcoholic at this point so.............i think he isn't really imitating anyone.................just................oh i don't know........................the important thing is that he is clean and sober since 1992

    badgeon June 01, 2005   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    meh, could be

    MardyAsson January 24, 2006   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    Philosophy basically got it right I think.

    What I really like is that if a piano could get drunk, it would probably sound a lot like the one in this song. Notice how the piano melody keeps stumbling over itself, and all those hiccuping out of key notes.

    destroyalltacoson June 19, 2006   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    yeah, philosophy, i think you're spot on: blame everyone and everything but yourself.

    or, shift the blame. you know, the old "but look, they're all fucked up, too!" arguement.

    i saw a video on youtube where some studio audience for some tv show laughed the whole way through the song...i don't think it's really all that funny. but whatever. studio audiences laugh at god damn everything.

    willywillywillyon August 01, 2007   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    Correct me if I'm mistaken, but I don't feel "Geiger counter" has ever been used in a song before this. And I don't know any other artist who could pull it off so well

    downinahole55on October 01, 2008   Link

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