Silence

I have to wonder whether a lot of people have heard the original version of this song from the album, "Karma". Since there have been at least 10 dance/trance remixes in the last 13 years, I think the original has gotten lost in the shuffle a bit.

The original version of the song is MUCH darker than any of the remixes (save maybe Fade's Sanctuary mix, which was, I believe, the first remix ever done of this song).

Taken in the context of a club remix, the track loses a lot of its darkness, bleakness, despair and rage. The themes seem a little less depressing when the vox and lyrics are set to an upbeat, faster tempo remix. I believe there are only two remixes (again, Fade's Sanctuary mix, and Above & Beyond's 21st Century) that give even the slightest nod to the gorgeous cathedral choirs and gregorian chant from the original song, which are a very significant part of the reason I love this song so much.

Don't get me wrong, I think some of the remixes of "Silence" have been absolutely brilliant, but for me, all of them seem to lack depth, particularly some of the more recent ones like the Lissat & Voltaxx remix and the Niels van Gogh mix. Even the Tiesto (who I am a huge fan of) remix is at times loud and obnoxious. I'll give him credit though, I think he captured a lot of the darkness of the original, but in also trying to capture the power, he used volume rather than letting Sarah McLachlan's voice do the work. As I said, I think the Sanctuary mix by Fade is probably the best mix of all that have been done.

Now, as far as meaning goes, if you take the song in the context of the original, I think the themes are extremely sinister. For a long time, I interpreted them as having to do with drugs, and I still believe they can be looked at that way, but the more I really pay attention, I am really coming to think that the song is about severe depression and suicide, and the desperation of just simply needing to be SEEN for who and what we really are, instead of the masks we hide behind that conceal our deepest fears and bleakest feelings. I lost my father-in-law to suicide earlier this year, and I think that may have been the catalyst that changed my perspective about this song. The lyrics are so sad, so desperate, begging for a release from the pain of living- whether that means actual physical death, or some kind of way to just release all the building pressure and darkness within. I think the character Sarah McLachlan is singing from has reached a crossroads: she can no longer deal with what's going on in her mind, so she has two choices: Reaching out for help, whether that's from her idea of God, or simply from another person. The alternative for her is ending her own life. I think we've all been where she is at one point or another in our lives, when we have this internal dialogue going on with the universe, or God, or simply ourselves...desperately pleading for things to change, one way or another.

"Give me release; Witness me; I am outside; Give me peace."

She wants nothing more than to be released from the hell of her own brain. She's outside of herself looking in, the sole being in her dark world. She feels invisible, and is begging for someone to see her (Witness me).

"Passion choke the flower; 'Til she cries no more; Possessing all the beauty; Hungry still for more."

The first stanza in this verse (Passion choke the flower; 'til she cries no more) suggests that she has used sex or other forms of superficial human contact to fill the void inside herself, and as a means to quiet the screaming in her head. She has lived her life always striving to be loved and accepted, making herself beautiful on the outside, but as beautiful as the mask she wears is, she is crumbling and disintegrating inside.

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder; And I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up When the rage in me subsides."

To me this suggests she has been trying so hard to live up to some unattainable ideal that she's never experienced (heaven), and she's always thought she'd get there if she could be strong and overcome the darkness that swirls around in her brain. "Heaven" could also suggest the lure of death; to be free from the pain.

"I can't help this longing; Comfort me; I can't hold it all in; If you won't let me."

She's screaming for help. She's longing for death, and wants nothing more than for someone to just SEE her, and recognize what she's going through. She's never told anyone about the darkness, and has always been able to hide it so well, but she knows if someone actually SAW her, and was able to make her open up just a little bit, there's no way she'd ever be able to keep it all bottled up inside anymore and feel like she has to continue to deal with it alone. It would be like opening a flood gate, but in order to do that, she needs someone to pull the pin and open the door.

"In this white wave, I am sinking, in this silence; In this white wave, in this silence I believe; I have seen you, in this white wave, you are silent; You are breathing, in this white wave I am free."

In the end, I believe she has chosen death. I think the 'white wave' represents death itself. She's letting it wash over her and she is finally set free from her pain. In death, she finally catches a glimpse of the person she desperately wanted to become: happy, at peace, and living the life she always wanted. That image of herself has finally appeared. She has accepted that the fight is over, and she's finally laid down her sword and is succumbing to the only thing she knows will give her the peace she could never find anywhere else.