I've been thinking long and hard about my spirituality lately. I'd believed myself a Christian up until adolescence. With the death of my grandfather, I began to believe that there could be no God, because there was no way someone with that power could be so cruel to take someone like my grandfather away from me. From then on, I became an atheist.

Now, years later, I am beginning to rethink my faith. I just feel so lost, and I need someone to turn to. Is God the answer? Is Jesus the answer? I am so scared that they have turned their backs on me, because I did the same to them. It doesn't help that I am a homosexual either. What if they view what I am as a sin, and...

I'm so scared. I want a baptism, but what if Jesus doesn't want me?

Hey guys! So it's been a while since I've said anything that isn't just repeating song lyrics...so I thought I'd keep you updated on my band. We are now a body of four people (me, Michael, Caitlin, and Sammy), so it's not just me anymore :) We need band name ideas, so pour forth your wisdom (Nothing innapropriate, mind you) Thanks, Shelby

Too late - this is not the answer I need to pack it in I can't pull your heart together with just my voice alone A thousand shards of glass I came to meet you in You cut the peace out of me And as you ripped it all apart, That's when I turned to watch you And as the light in you went dark I saw you turn to shadow If you would salvage some part of you that once knew love But I'm losing this And I'm losing you Oh I've gotta turn and run From faces that you never see Oh I've gotta save my blood From all that you've broken And pack up these pieces of me It's too late now to stop the process This was your choice - you let it in This double life you lead is eating you up from within A thousand shards of glass you pushed beneath my skin And left me lying there to bleed And as you showed me your scars I only held you closer But as the light in you went dark I saw you turn over I wanted always to be there for you and close to you But I'm losing this And I'm losing you Oh I've gotta turn and run From faces that you never see Oh I've gotta save my blood From all that you've broken And pack up these pieces of me The broken pieces Pack up these pieces of me The broken pieces Pack up these pieces Maybe without me You'll return to all the beauty I once knew But if I stay I know, We will both be drowned by you holding onto me Oh I've gotta turn and run From the faces that you never see Oh I've gotta save my blood From all that you've broken And pack up these pieces of me The broken pieces Pack up these pieces of me The broken pieces Pack up these pieces of me

Sentimentality Has never come easy Neither has rationality Or seeing in reality Can I show you what you mean to me And how absorbed I am in thee Will you ever truly see The haunted look inside of me I want to breathe Don't want to focus Because I'm not really sure How to fix what I have broken Spoken in a mother tongue Your words sound so soothing They remind me that I'm losing Myself in your touch And how it'll never be enough Sentimentality and lunacy Screaming at the vast nothing Have become the social norm I’m trying not to fit this form But I have lost all sense of reality (It’s never meant that much to me) I want to breathe Don't want to focus Because I'm not really sure How to fix what I have broken Spoken in a mother tongue Your words sound so soothing They remind me that I'm losing Myself in your touch And how it'll never be enough Will I be enough To soothe your mind, Secure these ties Loosen what I’ve bound so tight Crying all alone at night Wishing you were here beside me I want to breathe Don't want to focus Because I'm not really sure How to fix what I have broken Spoken in a mother tongue Your words sound so soothing They remind me that I'm losing Myself in your touch And how it'll be enough

Ugh, people's ignorance never ceases to amaze me...

I pray that you're okay

Beginning of new song. More later Safeguarded So withdrawn So scared to put my feelings out In empty space You can't hear the screams In empty space A hidden place Beyond the seams

You're beautiful So captivating I love you so much darling I'd walk to the ends and beyond for you I'll always be here to protect you I love you -You know who you are. I love you. Eight months never felt this easy.

Blissful ignorance Lost reconaissance How we aren't all blessed Kiss of remorse Arrogant pedigree Raised high, your head to me Perspective blurred By Hollywood signs Wealthiness burned into your skin Branded tramp stamp Seared into golden flesh Legs wrapped in tightened mesh Absorbing the tabloids And how your brain's void Beautiful But ignorant

The title says it all. I'm in the middle of writing a new song...will be posted soon :) Thanks for all the positive feedback. I really appreciate it. -Shelby