Well, everything good happened to me today. That is, until about 10:00 tonight. I should have been expecting something like this to happen. I can't believe I didn't even realise taht nothing bad had ahppened to me, and I should have known all this good was just awaiting something bad in the end. I'm such an idiot. Okay, so I said yesterday taht my sleeping plans were messed up now. I was completely wrong. I usually go wake up at around 10:00 AM and last night I went to sleep at the exact same time as normal (around 1:00 AM) but instead of waking up at around 10:00 AM, I woke up at 11:25! I wouldn't have woken up if my mom hadn't stepped into the room. I mean, that's just what I love about mornings, waking up nice and late. When I went to Isabel, she and her mom were telling me how much of a waste of time and life it is to wake up so late. Of course I wasn't going to be rude and disagree, so I just went along with it. I thought about it though, and Isabel was telling me that. SHe wakes up so early, like at 7:00 AM but all she does is spend her time playing SIMS on the computer, and SHE tells ME that I'm wasting time?? (sigh) Maybe she's right. I mean, at least she is doing something... Ii dunno, I'm alowed to diagree if i want to! ANd I do disagree. Anyway, so when I woke up I was told taht I was going to luch and to see a moie with Kayla and Jemma. So when I got there and met up with them, I saw Storme was there too, which was really cool. So I went to go get the food with STorme, Kayla, Jemma and Ruth and we ate and stuff. Then we went to see a movie, Diary Of A Wimpy Kid 2, and it was actually a lot of fun. The brother, Rodrick (Devon Bostick), is actually pretty hot. Anyway, after that the rest of my day was going well. Other than the fact that it wasn't letting me watch That 70's Show anymore because I had been watching it for about 72 minutes. It told me to either pay or wait 13 minutes. I waited.... For about half an hour. Still, nothing happened. Anyway, I was on the computer, when my dad comes and sits down next to me. I could staright away tell that it was going to be bad. He tells me that he saw what I wrote in my homework diary. You see, I wrote something really bad in it, about my mom, about hjow much I hated her and stuff in it. I specifically put it in a random page so taht nobody would see it. I still wonder why he was looking through my things. URGH! Anyway, immediatly I wanted to just get out of the room, and I became intensly aware of the red light beeping on my phone. Why did he have to go and look at that stuff? He aksed me if I still felt that way. I lied and said no. He asked me how recent it was that I had written that, I know it was last month, but I told him I didn't remember. I just hate the fact that he would go through my things like that! URGH! I hate it!!!!! (sigh) I have decided that I am so upset and feel so invaded, taht I am just going to shut all of my emotions down. I will feel no happiness, sadness, hyperness or anything. I will just be calm and shy and content for the rest of my life. I don't need things like this to bring me down, so I will no longer let them. Great...

Okay well when I went to Isabel, it wasn't bad. (sigh) i just always feel like such an idiot when I go to her, and I hate the fact that she changes my sleep course. I HATE IT! (sigh) I woke up ate 8:40!!! URGH!!!! Anyway, so I just came back from the supper with my friends at the Spur. It was me, Gen, Max, Teagan, Josh, Izzy, Jessica, Kayla,Li-Or and Miks. It was actually a lot of fun, I didn't speak too much in the begining but it was okay. I didn't get the same shirt from Big Blue, but I got this other really cool one that looks better on me and it also has a cow on it. It's pretty awesome. Anyway, I finally got my Hebrew thing. I didn't find it but I asked if Hayden could take a picture of it for me and send it to me, and he did. I just need to copy it down onto a piece of paper. And then I need to do it... ALong with my Afrikaans thing... (sigh) so much work for the holidays. I honestly don't think teachers know what holidays are for. Hmm.... I don't have much to say right now.... (sigh) well I best be off. Okay not really, nut I'm gonna leave anyway.

Well, today hasn't been so great. I was feeling so depressed today, and I had the right. I realised that everyone does everythingwithout me. That everyone has new friends and obviously prefers to not be around me at any time. I don't blame these people. I'm not exactly someone people would like to talk to. Well, at least J doesn't think so. Or he didn't. I can't tell anymore. "If you love me won't you let me know." Such simple words. I guess we all just want to know who has feelings for us. It would all just be so much easier. (sigh). I get it okay, nobody likes me... I just hate the fact that it's true. Well, I guess I get invited to some things. I'm invited to have supper with my friends on Wednesday night, and I was invited to the movies today, I chose not to go though. Stupid mistake. I am really enjoying the song Don't You Cry Tonight by Guns 'N Roses. They sure are a great band. They are quite the clever ones too, think about it. "Live and Let Die" ect... So amazing. I'm going to Isabel tomorrow. Hopefully it won't be too bad. I'm also going to Canal Walk and hopefully I iwill get the shirt that I had wanted to get yesterday. Hopefully... Mmmm You know what I hate? I will tell you. I hate fake people. I hate the people who tell me they know and listen to the good music, but just do it to impress the people around them. I hate those people. Okay fine, hate is quite a strong word, but I just... (sigh) I dunno. I woke up nice and late this morning, thankfully. I don't think I'm going to get to do it again tomorrow morning. That's the only thing I hate about sleeping at Isabel. I feel so bad about waking up so late because she always wakes up so damn early!!! And if I wake up early one morning, it becomes a habbit for the rest of the week, or even the next week. (sigh). I can't believe it's so early right now. I'm planning to go to sleep at about 1:00. I watched Three Men and a Baby today, and then after that I watched Three Men and a Little Lady, and I saw something that I just thought was the cutest. I would love something like this to happen as my first kiss. Okay so I'm still hoping my first kiss will be J but if there is someone else, then thats fine too. Okay so this is how it hopefully goes. Boy: Close your eyes Me: Why??? Boy: Just do it. Me: (closes eyes) Boy: Now tell yourself that you are pretty. Me: I can't. Boy: Just do it! Me: (sighs) Okay fine, I'm pretty. Boy: (kisses me). And that's how I want it tp go :). Well, taht's what happened in the movie. Anyway, I'm not looking forward to sleeping at Is but I have no choice in the matter. I wouldn't mind just going there, but sleeping there... (sigh). I honestly hate sleepovers. Well, I don't have much else to say so I'll just go now...

Well et me start off with Chad's barmi. It wasn't bad. I mean, i spent my time alone most of the time, but it's okay. I guess I had quite a good time. I got called pretty by Jarred Berm. and J spoke to my again... Like a sentece or two. (sigh). I got a hug from Sam, and I spoke to Max and Erin for quite a while. I also had a tiny conversation with Noam. I was speaking to Li-Or for quite a while. And Jayson Raw. spoke to me... Hardly. It wasn't so bad afterwards when Kayla slept over. It wasn't great the next morning though (this morning) because everything was just... awkward. It's okay though. I have come to a realisation that nobody wants to speak to me because I am not enjoyable to speak to. I am really not feeling so happy. On the bright side, I woke up nice and late this morning. (sigh) Anyway, so I got a cool Jimmi Hendrix shirt today. We also went to Big Blue and I saw this really cool shirt, but I didn't ask for it. I really should have. I watched Hawaii Five-O today with my mom and dad, I really enjoyed it. It's quite a good story. I am now talking to Isabel, and she seems to be taking quite a liking to Pink Floyd. This is the thing I really wasn't expecting. I don't like it. Pink Floyd was my obsession, it was something that I was original for. She has now taken that away from me. (sigh) I don't blame her, it is one band that a person is unable to get obsessed with. I just... I just liked being the only one in my grade. I am really feeling depressed. I just... I just want to burst out into tears. I mean... I just can't even explain it. I just hate the fact that of all great bands there are out there, she has to choose Pink Floyd. (sigh).You can't really blame a person for liking good music can you? I guess I'm just affraid that she will learn more about Pink Floyd than I already know. It was mine, something that I could share with my group of friends,a nd she is just going to ruin taht for me. I know, I sound like an idiot. I don't mean to, it's just.. (sigh). Well I am seriously needing the bathroom now, so I best be off... I'm sure you didn't need to know that... Okay I'm gonna go now. Bye.

Okay so I was reading someone's journal today, and I saw taht this person wrote about what they thought about specific bands, I really enojyed reading it. SO I decided that since I have this site to write about my personal life, I decided to make a blog. This blog is about the music. I will give you the site name if you ever decide to check it out: http://readideas-s-jb123.blogspot.com/ Anyway, so school broke up today, and I'm so happy that it's holidays. I do ahve some work, but I hope I just get some rest as well. I have decided that even though I like J, I will try my best not to, because I really don't think that he likes me. We havn't had a proper conversation since the 19th when I was lying in bed and he starts speaking to me and he told me I'm not boring, and taht he think I'm pretty, and funny and cool. I just don't think he likes me though. I mean, if he goes to the barmi and speaks to me there, then I think i can see if I choose to liek him or not. I hope he was invited, a lot of people weren't. I think he was though. (sigh) I don't know, and honestly I really don't think I should care... but I do. I still haven't changed into my P-J's yet, I'm still in my school uniform.. Oh well. It's so cool, the guy I told you about added me on Facebook! His name is Jarret ( Well, taht's what it says) and we havn't been online at the same time yet, but I think that if we were... Well, we probably wouldn't speak. I spoke with Sam today, and he said that he likes my laugh, but I'm sure he was just playing me. If you know what I mean by that... I don't think I even know what I mean... Oh well... (sigh) I just... I dunno. I'm tired and I think I should go to sleep soon. I really hope I wake up at like... 10:00 tomorrow morning. I probably won't though. I don't have much to do and I don't want to get off the computer to take my contact lenses out because I know taht it's only the contacts taht are making me feel tired. (sigh) I just don't feel like doing anything. Well, actually I do feel like doing something, and I don't want to go and lie in bed or anything. I'm so bored of the computer. (sigh). My blog sucks so far.... I don't want to read The Catcher In The Rye again. I think I read it too much of a short time ago. I don't understand why teachers give us work for teh holidays. It's extremely stupid. I think I have lost my one sheet that I need for Hebrew. This sucks. I best be off now, I'm going to do nothing but lie in bed and... well, ya that's pretty much it.

Okay so let me start from the begining, from the morning that I went to Josh P. shul service. Okay so it was really a lot of fun, I mean, I had a great time. I spent most the my time with Isabel because we were mixing things like every drink there was, with bread, fish, cheesecake, oranges, mints, onions and salad.. You say childish I say pure fun :). I was talking to DB quite abit then as well. Anyway, so after that I went to Kayla with Isabel,a nd we got a life back with Nataly ie Sidne. Anyway, when we got to Kayla, we had a lot of fun. I showered, ate and just lazed around. I also had my hyper outbursts from time to time. It was very funny. Then we got ready and stuff, and we got fetched by Josh Sh. mom, which was cool. Then when we got there, everythin was normal, me being me at bar/batti's and that kind of stuff. You see, i had convinced myself taht I had no friends, so I made myself my very own friend out of sushi, liquorish and chips. I was sitting with the boys,a nd they kept ruining it, but it was okay. Anway, so the speeches had been said, and now Nogapsbetween were playing (live) and I was sitting there alone. So then comes the good part. J comes to sit next to me,a nd starts asking me why I was sad. I told him I wasn't. Then we somehow got to the fact that nobody wants to talk to me because I am boring. He then told be that I was definitely not boring. He then asked me if I liked the band that was playing. I said that they weren't bad, they just didn't play good music, and that it wasn't the kind of music I listen to. He said taht he also liked the same music as me. He then asked me if I knew Queen, and i said that I loved them. Then he asked me if I liked the Eagles, and i said that I loved them too. Then he asked me what my favourite song by QUeen was, and I told him Bohemian Rhapsody. He then got up and walked away. About a minute later he came back, and he said that he asked them to play it, but they didn't have it. I smiled because I was so flattered. I still can't believe I didn't manage to get the words "Thank You" out of my mouth. There was more conversation after that, it was amazing. Then I went upstairs to write in Josh's book, and while I was writing, he came up behind me and sort of gave me a fright. He then asked me if I was having fun, and I said yes. I really should have made more conversation with him. Anyway, after that, we hardly speak to each other again for teh rest of teh night. I was talking to Josh P., Josh Jerm., and some otehr guy that I had never met before, he was cool... and hot. We all had an amazing conversation, he was so nice. I don't know his name though, we didn't get to names. Sidne claims to have been flirting with him... She litterally didn't speak to him once. Anyway, he was reealllyy nice :) Josh was calling me emo, and I said I'm not an emo (I know he was joking) and then HE said that he thought emos were cute :) Then I said goodbye and stuff and we went home. I slept ver at Kayla and surprisingly I woke up quite early. I couldn't stop thinking about J, I actually think I like him, and I'm really hoping that he likes me. I doubt it though... (sigh) Oh well. I can't really tell if I like him, but I think I do. The conversation we had was so much better than the one I had with DB at those other battis. Anyway, I think that it was reealllyy amazing and I had the greatest time ever! You know what, Ithink taht was the conversation. The one I have been waitingf or, I think taht could have been it. :)

Okay so Max's shul service this morning was so much fun, nit it was nothing compared to his disco. I mean, when I was in the car and for almost all of the disco, but it was so worth it. Okay so I was upset, I'll admit that I started crying a bit, but luckily nobody noticed. Anyway, so I was sitting by myself, and many many times people come to sit next to me. The best conversations I had though was with David. He was being so sweet! He told me that I was pretty, and that I was amazing, and that he liked my legs, and things like that. It was just the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me! Then Jarryd Berm. came and spoke to me quite a few times which was cool. It was also nice how J came and spoke to me twice and he was being nice, and then he came another two times with Jif. Everyone had just cheered me up so much and they were being so nice to me. David is so nice though :) I found out that he actually doesn't like the modern music,a nd he likes some of teh sam things as me, which is cool. At the sort of ending of the barmi, Jordan Joff. came to talk to me, which is weird because I have never spoken to him in my entire life! He was easy to talk to though, and it's cool that he came up to me, I mean, not many boys do that. Anyway, Rob and DP came to talk to me as well, and so did Jaimie Aaron. and Deej and Jason Raw. and most of the girls as well. I think that that was just such an amazing night and at first I wasn't looking forward to it, but in the end I really had a lot of un. I think they all think I'm boring and depressed now though, which does suck, but I got a good time out of it. :)

This morning I was probably the most depressed person anyone has ever seen. I was so depressed, I just lay down in bed, in the afternoon, and didablsolutely nothing. I completely cleared my mind and just lay there and stared. But then I decided that I might as well play guitar and try to figure out the rest of Wish You Were Here tabs on my own, and that's exactly what I did. It did cheer me up a little bit, but didn't quite do the trick. How I Met our Mother didn't even make me happy. Then when my mom got home, I finally told her that I didn't want to do the hip hop show (this was at like 1:00 in the afternoon) and taht was when the weight lifted off me. I didn't feel depressed anymore, and it was all becuse of some stupid decision. Well, I wasn't THAT depressed anymore. I mean, I still have to go sleep over at The Horribl One (that's what I'm calling her from now on). I really really don't want to sleep over at her, but.. (sigh) I need to write a speech for Max. Well, hopefully it won't be too bad. I really realy don't want to get all hot and sweaty and red like I always do whenever I meet up with a friend or something. I hate it when that happens becaus eit makes me look uglier than I already am. Oh well,whatever. We will just have to wait and see what happens...

Okay, so it's the 9th and nothing unordianry has happened to me today. I knew it woul be like this. Oh well. Okay so we have school tomorrow, which I think is completely pointless. Oh well, what can ya do? (sigh) I don't have much to say because nothing much happened so... Well,i best be off, I mean, I have school tomorrow and it's pretty late. Good night.

Okay,s o today was pretty scary. I mean, nothing bad happened to me, but I watched this movie called "A Time To Kill" and it's just so sad, and horrible. It really gets me to notice things mroe clearly. I mean, these things actually happened, and still do happen. It just bothers me how someon can do such a thing as to rape children! I mean, what goes through these peoples minds? I just want all these people who rape children to.. I don't know, get hurt very badly or something. It's just so terrible and I hate it! I hate how the world thinks! And ... URGH! It is all just so disgusting! And I am just so ashamed to be lving in a world with all of these terrible people! (sigh) Well, other than watching that 2 1/2 hour movie, I did do some otehr things to pass time. I saw some charcoal and I remembered seeing Jude in Across the Universe draw with some, and it looked really cool. It didn't look as cool when I drew with it, but it was still cool. Well, according to Sidne, I'm doing a speech with her and Teaganf or Max. Hmm... I guess I don't mind. Wel, I don't really have much to do, I' pretty bored. It's okay though. I'll manage... I say that as if I would have a choice. Well, I best be off, I mean, I'm not tired at all, but I don't have much else to say.