The Proposal = so fucking funny. Things are much better today. I don't feel quite so upset about everything. I miss hanging out with Dan, but its all good. I will probably see him at some point this week. Going out with Haley and Harry tonight, and clubbing tomorrow :)

Had a bad day today. Realized how much I would like to have somebody to share my day with. So I texted Dan, to talk to him about it. He and I have the same views on relationships, if only he didn't just get out of one... I'd sweep him off his feet.

This show makes me want another tattoo. But I need to wait, and not act completely on impulse. I'll get one soon I hope, but I need it to have meaning. Debating if I want Kenny to come over or not, I want to have sex but I think I should just wait. I think that come next week I'll be hanging out with Dan again, or so I hope, and it'll happen then. Uhggg.

I want it. I want him. It's official, all I can think about is it until it actually happens. Working til 6.

Picked Dan up, went to the lake, swam for like 2 hours in the dark by ourselves, finally made out, stopped, swam, got out, and it started. We were making out, touching, he was fingering me, all that good stuff, and i had his stuff out, but it was so cold, and we were getting eaten by those stupid bugs, and it didn't go any farther. I AM BUMMED. I wanted him so bad. Have a fat lip from making out. Got a cheddar bacon ranch tendercrisp sandwich. its heaven.

Today is that day! I'll let you know how things go later tonight.

I've been doing a lot of thinking. Things really do need to change. In my life, and in everybodies lives. My life: I need to be healthy. I need to get on this physical training studd because the reality is, that on September 7th, at 6:15am, I am going to be running 2 miles with complete strangers, and I will not be the one at the back. I need to save all of my money, no matter what. I'll need it for school. Everyone else: Stop judging people based on their color. People need to realize that people fall in love based on personalities, not on skin color. I like Dan a lot, and everybody has to just accept that I am white and he is black, but there is no difference between us other than gender. Things need to change. I'll be the change. I'll make the difference.

Dan and I have decided that we are going to only be friends, with benefits of course. Neither of us really want a relationship because I am going away to school, and he is just getting out of his last relationship. But if you ask me, at least for the next month this will be perfect. We can do all the good stuff without the emotional burden, but we will still be able to go out together and chill. Like we are going to see Final Destination 5 when it comes out together. Then when I go away to school, we can still be friends and he will come and visit me (: But I will be free to entertain myself with other people which is great. I told him that I can't deny that emotions could come up, but we would just have to deal with them if it ever arose. But we both agree that it's all cool. I'm just happy to be good friends with him!

I liked that movie, I saw it tonight. The only thing, is that I hate it at the same time. It makes me want a boyfriend, which sucks, because that can't just HAPPEN. I wish Dan and I could do that. I know I will start having feelings for him if we end up hooking up. I want to be with him physically, but I am terrified that if and when it becomes emotional, he won't feel the same way.

I want to see Dan.