Its hitting me hard now. My grandpa is dying, maybe has 2 more weeks. I don't know what to do. I have never lost a family member before. I lost Liv last year, but I had this amazing support system in my school, and frankly it's just not the same, losing a friend and a family member. I don't have a supprt system here, with losing him. I am the support. I don't have to time to cry, to struggle with this because I am too busy putting on a strong, tough act for my Nana, aunts and my brother and sister. I dont know what to do.

Nothing is really all that new, but I felt like writing I guess. School is over in 23 days. 23 days until I am finished. I cannot be happier. me and mike are awesome. just counting down the days til he comes :)

I just finished watching the movie, Remember Me. It was so good. I wanted to cry. It was so sad. It was great. It made me thing of how badly I would love to be in a relationship like they were in the movie, except without him dying of course. I want to be in that type of relationship. The first person that comes to mind is Mike. I really really like him. More than imaginable. My hopes are that after we hang out a ton this summer, maybe things could escalate into something more.

First off, 50 days until Mike comes back to Boston :] Second, Happy Easter! I just got my period this morning so I am in my bed with miserable cramps. Yuck. Got some eggrolls yesterday with Becca. Mike texted me and said he has no idea why I still hang out with her, but I just had to say, life is too short to waste time being unhappy, so I'm not. I can't wait for him to come :) he is amazing. Shawn texted me, told me he still wants me and he is coming back this summer, but I was still skeptical. He asked me to skype with him last night, around 10, but again when I texted him, he never replied. So I am guessing its just going to be how it was, not that I really wanted him anymore because I want Mike. I want Mike so badly. I have such strong feelings for him. We have been talking every day nonstop since we first started. I just want him to be here now.

Last night I got so high. Celebrating the holidays. I literally felt like it was all a dream. But it really happened. It was fun though. Scary at times, but fun. I am waiting to go to work at 3, getting ready and stuff. I don't want to go to work today but I suppose I have to. I am going to a concert next friday with olivia, maybe we will do it again. Talking to mike still, he's busy a lot because of school, but thank god it is almost over. Out of school in 29 days. Prom in 30 days. Florida in 33 day. I am so excited :) At least when I leave on the 24th of May for Florida, Mike will be going to Vegas the day after. I'll actually have something to do/ things to keep my occupied while he is away. I'll miss him though. He is too cute. He sends me pictures every single day. Usually I hate that because guys just want to trade pictures, but he sends them just so i can see him, because he knows I miss him. I just want it to be June 13th. I can't wait to see him. 52 days :D

So I'll fill you in on what has happened this week so far, since I have time now. I found out through my ex, that Becca, My best friend, was trying to fuck around with him while we were dating, and even after. She denied it all, but then I saw it first hand. I ended our friendship that night, Sunday. Since Sunday I have been talking to Mike, who Becca was originally talking to, but she fucked him over as well. We made an instant connection, which is awesome. Yesterday I decided that I am going to be nice, be civil with Becca for the remainder of the year because we are rooming together for our Senior Class Trip to Florida next month, and she is also in my limo for Prom. After graduation on June 3rd, I am through with her. I'll never have to see her again. If this had been the first time she has ever done that to me I wouldn have blown it off. But this is the third time, and each have gotten progressively worse. 1) She set me up with Kevin, but behind my back she was trying to fuck with him too. 2) We were all drunk, I was with Tyler, she was with Lorenzo, and while I got up and was throwing up outside the car she fucked Tyler. I was mad and I told her that, but I still let it go because he wasn't my boyfriend. 3) Now, she was fucking around with my boyfriend behind my back, denied it all to me, and I ended up hearing about it from my ex. He then showed me actual proof, a convo that they had on skype...which he saved to tell me. Dates and times. Both of them speaking. Everything. She tried to blame it on me. Then said "I liked the attention but idk why from him. I'm always so self conscious because you are so much prettier than me...blah blah blah" Don't give me that shit. Don't do that. You look like a stupid bitch. Some good has come out of it though, she is begging me for my friendship, since I was the only person who liked her anyways. Also, Mike came out of it. He came before it all started but we have since gotten closer. We text every day, all day. Skype when we can. We were texting last night while I was watching movies. We were talking about random things, but I was straight forward like usual, and asked him exactly what he wants. He doesn't want to limit it to just being friends but doesn't want a full on relationship, because he is leaving at the end of August. I was happy to hear that. I don't want a serious relationship because I am leaving for college at the end of August as well. We plan on dating, but not too serious because we both know where it's going to lead. But we are very similar to each other in other ways than just what we are thinking about future wise. We both don't do PDA, some is okay, like holding hands, but nothing more. We plan on having sleep overs and spending a lot of time together on weekends over the summer. I am hoping that I will have a car shortly that way I can go there whenever I want. I could drive to the train station or I can just take my car in. He tells me how beautiful I am. Over and over again, he tells me that he misses me even after I just left. He is a good guy. He is somebody I would really love to be friends with. Even if we get really close over the summer, and end up leaving, I think it'll just make us better friends. Maybe I'll ask him to come visit me at school in the fall. I would love to see him again. And then we can repeat this all next summer. I am happy. I have something to really look forward to. :)

May kinda like Mike? Maybe. We will see where it leads. He comes to start work on June 13th. We are planning out some things. I'm going to stay at him house for a weekend or something most likely cause I would really just like to cuddle haha. We talked a little bit about that. He likes everything about me, I'm sure there will be some things he wont like but oh well. Hopefully we will skype at some point today :)

Spending the 4th of July with Mike in Boston this year :) I could really like this kid. Hes attractive and sweet. We talk all day, every day. I'm not getting my hopes up for anything because I always am wrong, but maybe this will be good! Cant wait to see him when he comes back to boston this summer :P

Talking to this guy, he is moving to Boston this summer. Hes pretty chill, wants to hang out some time which is always cool with me. Plus I need to have sex. Like now.

Not too sure what has come over me, I think I am just disappointed in myself. I hate the way I look, and change could not come soon enough. I really need to fix this. I think I am also getting a little upset that I don't have anybody. All my friends have boyfriends, and I am happy just messing around for now, but I feel like I am going to be stuck alone for the rest of my life. I'm not entirely sure what to do.