I spent alllll day talking to Shawn. I really like him. He is great. I think he fell asleep on me though, we were supposed to stickam but he was watching a movie with his parent, and probably fell asleep. I'm sad :( It was pointless for me to stay up late. Sucks.

Spending a lot of time talking to my friend Shawn. I seem to have a new guy every week. It sucks. But I always hope that this one will be better. This one will be different. This one will actually be real, in every aspect. This one will be good. I have been wrong every time. Still I hope that Shawn will be what I'm looking for. So far he seems to be. Haven't talked to him since this afternoon, and now its 11:30pm. I miss him. I started missing him a lot cause I'm in such a bad mood today. Whenever I am in a bad mood, I just look for somebody to comfort me. I like to know that there is actually somebody who thinks I'm not a complete fuck up. Is that too much to ask for? I'm upset and depressed. I hide it so well. I laugh. I have fun. But when I am alone, it hits me the hardest. I hate being alone. Being by myself in a room. It makes me sad and anxious. I hate being alone relationship wise just the same. Makes me feel like I'm not worth it.

Getting my tattoo tonight with Darcy. Not sure where to get it. I need it on a place that wont stretch out or anything if i ever gain weight or lose weight. Foot? Other shoulder? no idea.

Ready for the summer. Totally getting my hippy on ;) I've got my hemp and my string bracelettes ready to go. Getting another tattoo soon, once I have enough money, after I buy a car. So it will take a little while. Getting a peace sign on the back of my neck :) At least I think so. My gandpa has cancer of the bile duct :/ It could possibly spread to the pancreas which will be incurable. Maybe I'll get a music note for him :)

Things are going well. Im making money. Saving every pay check I get. I am only spending my tips, which is like 50 dollars a week. i think its awesome. Working 30 hours this week. pushing a full time job. Its crazy. I love it.

Oh boyy! I have to get my nails done. I have to buy my prom dress. I have to take a shower. I have to get ready for work. I have so many things I need to do but I can't do shit cause of not having a car! fml!

I was kinda upset last night, you know, who wouldn't be? Me and James broke up, but I'm really not all that up tight about it. Mark and I are talking again. I realized that I can just be single and party hardy. Just focussing on my school work and my working out.

Nice joke of a guy James was. Worse than all the rest.

Me and my mom got into a huge fight today. She told me that I was useless and worthless, and that she doesn't even care about me. She told me to get out of her house. If only I could. I still depend on my mother for her car, so I can get to and from work. I rarely ask her, but tomorrow is one of the days I need her to. I am so tired of crying every single day, that I literally passed out for an hour because I am so exhausted. I have all this homework to do too. Plus I have to study for a quiz I have tomorrow. It's important to me to get this grade better than the others. My eyes are all puffy and red. They burn. I told my mom that I was depressed and she made it out to be me having something wrong with me. There is nothing WRONG with me, but I am hurting. Everything hurts me, and I hold it in until it hurts to breathe, hurts to be silent.

Me and Mark are talking more now. I miss him a lot :) James and I fought today. It sucked. Then we made up and I told him that he should go eat, so he did, and he was supposed to come back. But of course he never did. Fell asleep on me again. I can't blame him though. He wakes up at 3am every day. I like him a lot. A lot a lot. But I don't know if I can take him just up and leaving me and making me sit around and wait like a fool.