Newsflash comes on One more girl attacked In broad daylight One more indecent act Someone grabbed her by her arm No, she never meant no harm But a mad look was in his eyes He set himself and took her by surprise CHORUS: If only I was there To show that someone cared If I had wings to fly Could have been by her side If I could break these chains I could just heal her pain But I'm still in my cage Heart filling up with rage And then just last Friday I heard to my dismay Explicit t-shirts with explicit messages: "Relax it's only sex" And then what I heard next Young girl bloodied and gagged And all dressed up in rags YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY?!? YOU THINK IT'S COOL?!? YOU THINK IT'S TRENDY?!? THEN YOU'RE A FOOL!!! So quit your thoughtless game Or you'll be put to shame Put yourself in her shoes Think about what you'd do Please....

I heard you say to me a year ago I was far too nice And when you said to me that I would never be admired You better think again Chorus: I was hurting So I'm saying Just you wait till tomorrow Just you wait till I prove you wrong And I get the feeling when the tide begins to change You'll be the one who's alone Someday I will find her Or maybe that someone will find me, find me, find me One day I will find her I'm not gonna stop until I got her, I got her, I got her, yeah You're the one who thinks you are the shit That you can do what you please And when I saw that picture on your laptop I had to walk away and have you out of my sight You think you are a king Chorus (x2)

Four days ago, my fears were confirmed: the girl I have such deep feelings for has indeed been taken. Well not "taken" as such cos I never had her. You know what I mean. How I found this out, however, was during a pleasant conversation I had with her on the bus up to Yea. We talked about a lot of stuff ranging from what subjects we were doing to what we wanted to do after school to her showing me her pictures that she took and others she had made on her phone. Gosh she's creative. There was one with a picture of a broken heart with clocks printed on the heart and behind it was a dark-green background. She told me that was her favourite one and I said the same. Even though I now know fully that she's already with somebody I actually feel better, because at least I've talked to her and we got along brilliantly. That day was good for that sole reason; everything else seemed irrelevant. Being next to her that day gave me the tingles and I had this really nice, fluffy, secure feeling, something which I haven't felt for years, if at all. At the end of the day though, it looks like I'm going to have to find another girl to fall in love with. Even if I have to wait for my time to enter the next world, if you know what I mean. Some of us say to ourselves that, quoting Dave Grohl, "someone's always someone else's one", and I've been guilty of thinking this way many times, and probably still will, but SOMETHING will always come around. Song of the day: Pearl Jam - Rearviewmirror

all my life i've relied on dreams to keep me sane. and now more than ever these musings are my only sanctuary. take last night for instance. i dreamed that kristen stewart and i were in each other's arms and it was like i felt secure for the first time in years. i was just staring into her eyes and it felt like bliss. weird i know, cos my infatuation with her has been growing slowly with every day and every hour, but that feeling when you wake up after a dream like that, one that felt so real, it's such a downer. besides, girls like her only ever get guys who are media icons and have all the publicity in the world. they don't ever go for ordinary guys like us. not that i can blame kristen. she keeps constant company with these people. in a nutshell, i wish her happiness in whatever she does in life and with whoever she's gonna be with. when i read that she has an interest in coming down to australia to study and write and all that i was like "yay she's on the same soil as me" but i know in my mind that i'll still be too far away from her. i wrote in my previous entry about how someday i hope i can be able to be in a position where i can help someone who's getting picked on or abused and let someone know that there are people who care about them. perhaps i might even come across a girl as lonely as i am and just sweep her off her feet and take her for a ride. it would make life better for the both of us. i also wrote about the agony of hearing or reading of someone being abused and no one willing to interfere, and that i wanted to interfere so much but i was miles away and couldn't do anything about, and i ache over what could have happened, if someone HAD lended a hand to someone in distress then maybe things might have turned out different. i hate how people's lives are being destroyed by these things and no one seems to want anything to do with them. i just wish there was more humanity in the world. i know there are good people like that out there but there's not enough. the vast majority still stand and stare as if it's not their problem and putting the well-being of themselves before others. i hate to swear but if fucking stinks. i wish the world wasn't filled with so many faceless people with no sense of empathy for anybody. i know we're all strangers but at the end of the day, if someone's in strife and needs picking up we should all be there for each other. LOVE is God greatest gift and we should all take the time to give it to people who need it most. listen to me i sound like a bloody televangelist schmuck but it's so close to my heart i really couldn't give two cents. i read julietson's journal entry today (if you're reading i hope you don't mind me saying this) and i thought, 'Now there's a guy who's got a good heart, got something to give. he also sounds like he's in love with someone like i am ;) and putting it into words.' just so you know, anyone can refer to any of my journal entries whenever they like ;) if someone can read this and connect with my stories and feel like they're not alone it'll make each of us feel a little better. i know that why i'm here there's three things i can give to people reading this journal and i'll close this entry by doing so. peace V love

for a large part of my life, there's one thing that's always driven me insane, and that's whenever i try to offer some encouragement or just try to make someone feel better, there's always repercussions. take today, for instance. there's this young girl who's been receiving some unwanted attention from a couple of guys and all i wanted to do was say hi to this girl and tell her she's doing the right thing by not giving in to these guys. i was just trying to be a little friendly with her cos i hate it when guys won't leave girls alone when they want space. i don't really know if i should name the girl's username or not for fear of this happening to her again. i want to so badly but i have to respect her privacy if she wants it. i found this out in one of this girl's journal entries, and when i pressed REPLY it wouldn't go through. so i had to write the whole message of support again and then press REPLY again but still it wouldn't work. i spend pretty much all of my days alone, and whenever i try to be friendly with someone something always goes wrong. it makes me feel so useless. maybe that's the reason why i'm always so shy around everyone; that and my asperger's. another sick feeling i get is whenever i hear or read a news story about someone getting bullied or abused, and i just have this feeling of being so helpless cos i just want to reach out and help them when in reality i'm too far away to do anything. one thing that makes me REALLY upset is when a girl/s is/are being raped by someone in broad daylight and no one offers to help her/them. like those three girls from Mentone who were attacked by that sicko in/around a store or something. it's during these rape stories that i get the most angry cos i hate how anyone could do that to a girl who has no bad intentions. i just wanted to give those girls a hug and check if they were okay. just to let someone know that someone's looking out for them. one night, a couple of years earlier, i heard a story about how Ron Barassi came to the rescue of a girl who was getting beaten up by five or six of these so-called "big" men. the incident divided many people about whether to help in a time of crisis or just stay away, and this issue reached my family. my parents said to me that if i was ever in Ron's situation i should stay away because they don't want me getting hurt. they thought that Ron did a foolish thing. and then i retaliated by saying that was selfish, and that i would always go and help that person because i would be prepared to put their well-being ahead of mine. i am NOT the kind of guy who stares doing nothing while some innocent/vulnerable person is getting beaten the crap out of. but of course i can't do anything about it because i'm so far away from these victims. whenever i yearn to pick someone up and help them in any way possible i'm either too far away or there's always some kind of setback. but i can't give up. otherwise i might stay alone forever. i've gotta keep on givin' just a little bit of love (platonic and humane, not sexual) and support and hopefully i can make someone feel better about themselves or save them from their plight. i doubt if anyone's reading this journal but i honestly do hope someone is because it's a part of my personality that i hold dearly. knowing my luck if i press SUBMIT it probably won't do that at all. but here goes...

recently, around forums, i've become like an insidious disease that doesn't want to stop spreading. i have got to SHUT UP MY FACE cos it's probably pissin' people off at this point, none more so than the folks who run SongMeanings. i'm probably on their shitlist right now and i don't blame them. because i'm far from the most socially active teen around, when i found this site i wanted to leak my feelings out to people and pull people up when their beaten down and all this bullshit, but it looks like i need to keep a serious lid on things or i'm going to be right back where i started. i sometimes wonder if i ever made the right decision coming here. i'm a selfish bastard-turd jamming up forums and making the site-runners jobs harder. end of rant....

ok this is getting weird. actually it's more like dejá vu. i've been alerted of a new message but i looked in the inbox and nothing's there. if that was you, cindy, and you know who you are, could you try sending it again? if it was someone else, this is the reason you haven't got a reply. don't fret because i try to reply to every message that gets sent to me. gosh this sounds so weird writing this in a JOURNAL, but anyway, over and out..........

i'm starting to think i should have chosen a better username, like raisinboy92 or aspie92 or something like that. none of this has anything to do with the flak i've copped from people about my username, it's juat that i would have liked to expand on it a little more. to anyone bothering to read this boring journal, call me what you wish. but nothing too negative...peace V love

sat on the bus one day managed to sit near her for once so cute so sweet i could look at her all day but she's too far away i saw a picture on her mobile it was of her and some guy i've never met could it be her boyfriend? they looked so free and radiant together and here i sit all pale, lost and confused i'm uncertain if it's indeed her bf but if it is i should say something: make sure you treasure her as long as you can you know you're a lucky man treasure every moment you're with her i hope you'll bloom together don't take anything for granted you're blessed to be in her presence the girl i love belongs to you treasure every second between you two... i'm alone and have been all my life i don't know how it feels to be loved by another if you're not the one i guess i'll move forward cos if i don't i won't go anywhere now i know what heartbreak feels like next time i'll come prepared...........

you tried to bring me down. you tried to me convince to ditch the big softie attitude and show some balls bad guy style. you tried to tell me that no girl would ever like me because of who i am and that you could get all the girls you want by showing them a pic on your phone of your stone-white body and your albino eyes which aren't albino. you tried to bring me down. and in a way you succeeded. what you said was wrong, but those words have been haunting me ever since that i've questioned my own sanity at times. i'm empty. i'm confused. i'm even a little angry. but most of all i'm lonely. i know it won't last forever but it still bothers me. but then if i'm lonely then why am i always by myself, listening to my mp3 and not chillin' out with my bros when i'm not working? like i said i'm confused. before you said those words i was fine. i let everything roll off my back and kept going with my life. i'm still doing that, but not without a little pain anymore. and it's your fault. not mine. it's yours. you've made me doubt whether or not my dreams will be just that and nothing more, and you're the reason i sometimes cry myself to sleep at night. more than anything you're the one who hurt my feelings. not that you'd care. you're probably more concerned about not getting mud on your runners. like that time you nearly bashed me for that reason. grow up. but it'll always be those words that will be the reason for my disdain of you. i hope i prove you wrong someday. just you wait.