I lost my world tonight . I am dumb , & hopeless . I have lost it all . I told myself that the world wouldn't win , that I would always come out on top , I would always be happy . But it's not like that , & I don't feel like writing my defeat down in a page on the internet , bigger than the sea . Because there isn't a point . I'm simply done . The one thing I could ever do wrong , has been done . I lamely let it all happen . Everything I have ever survived , I wish I hadn't . I don't know what else to say , happy birthday ? I love you more than anything ? It doesn't matter anymore , please understand . You'll forget me , I promise .

So today , I'm having a party for my birthday . I invited about everyone I know . But the thing is , every guy I invited thinks they have to get to know me better , like they are gonna be around me the whole time . & that simple expectation bothers me . Yesterday I was at Clutching Her Carcass band practice , I had to record it for the fill in they have today . So in the morning around 11 I woke AJ up & went to his house . We stayed in bed & listened to music . Then about 3 we went to Nabils house & I did the recordings , then we stayed at The Farm for a little bit . To be honest , I haven't seen a band with members who all hate eachother . I have to go , in this post I've gotten four texts , probably about my party . I wish I would just shut my phone off Leah

I really don't know what to say about Ashley . But if I could die for someone , I would die for her . She is my best friend , & even though we should hate eachother , we came out on top . She still lives in Ohio , & I live in Vegas , but it doesn't really stop us . She is my angel , if there was a heaven . She is my sister if we ever believed in fairy tales . In her phone I'm 'Miss Leah Bee' & in mine she is 'Ashleybaby

I don't know what I'm doing today . I might hang out with AJ or just stay home . Actually , chances are that I may be with my best friend if I'm not with AJ . I had a dream , about this Friday . That this girl I have had a rival with pushed me , & I kicked her ass . So I think that means she will be there at the Farm friday . If she is , I wouldn't mind but she might try something but I'll be ready . Leah

So today , to sum it up . Best friends family , fire works , swimming , food , dogs , kids , legs falling asleep , cuteness , stress , unwanted socialism . Anyway , so that's it , really . Nothing special happened . I think everyones just pissed off because of the oil spill . Hell , I would too if I could give two more shits. Leah

All I do is go on tumblr all day . When is my life going to start picking up ? I have like no one to talk to ever , even when I'm with my best friend. Some day hopefully soon, things will change . But till then , tits this . Leah

I hate my best friend . I hate the last person I kissed . I hate the last person who texted me . I hate the bitterness I have for everyone . I hate how everything is falling apart on me . I hate everything . I need someone to change me , or I'll never change .

I haven't been getting any sleep , & this I am writing in the wee hours of the morning , nevermind , the first minutes of the morning . What should I do when there is no one left for me to love ? When there is no one left to love me , I am so sad . I just wish these things won't come true , that these people still actually cared . I need someone . Leah

Really, this week has made me so uncomfortable with myself. I can't even tell you about it , whoever you happen to be. I've been hurt, in every way possible. In the worst way I could ever imagine. I never thought something like this could happen to me. Yes, there was one amazing night. And yes, I did tell one person about everything that has happened. But I can't. I feel horrible. Burn everything that reminds you of it & let the fire take your feelings of it too.

I was talking to cleverbot. Today, on the Internet & it said it loved me. & what was weird is that I quoted a lyric from a song by sonic youth. Then it quotes "not to touch the earth" by the doors. (: cleverbot made my day