i'm smoking this weekend with ian and melissa. thankfully. it's the last week of school and i don't know what to do with my life. ugh. i have to pass all of my exams. i miss my straight A's. aubrey and i are trying to work on things. since he moved it's been a little hard, having to say goodbye before I even really got to say hello, but we're gonna work on it and see where it goes, I hope. I am so fucking tired. Fuck this.

we broke up the day before yesterday and i'm cool with that. he said he loved me, and i was like "No, you don't, you have no idea what love is." I felt pretty cool. :D go figure, the one weekend i can't go anywhere..every place in the mall has sale after sale after sale. :| dkhsdkghsldgl FML. i wish the weather was cold again. it's so hot. i didn't make the volleyball team or advanced chorus so i guess i just suck at life? i want to smoke, and i can't. yet again FML.

oh and i'm looking at new places to get clothes and whatnot. aeropostale, hollister, [i already shop hollister] american eagle, kohl's, wet seal... hot topic's makeup looks pretty amazing. i've lived in that store since i was thirteen. i hate tripp pants. they have a lot of band tees, stuff i listen to, my smiths shirt doesn't fit anymore. ): some girl in here said she doesn't like white girls. and that's kinda rude.

we're still together. i'm surprised. i want to move to alabama though. it's senior field day, and no one is here.

this sucks.

everything is perfect. life is good.

TODAY IS MIKE NESS'S BIRTHDAY

So H and I... are dating. as of like, five seconds ago. i left the meeting early with kristina, dorothy was checking out so we just followed her out. and we went to the last lunch. he was outside, with some people. some girl was attempting to hit on him and I didn't really get affected by it, when he left her for me. and soon, when it was all over, i ended up walking him to class, he has the same art class so i knew where it was. i sort of kissed him. a lot. albert thinks it's nasty.

we're kinda in a meeting or whatever. ummm, yeah. haven't seen H yet, finding out his cell now xD this doesn't really look like it's gonna go well. refreshments? it's all healthy junk i'll throw back up later if i even think about eating it, i don't get along with fruit. and, i taste weed. oh dear lord it's been a few days... god, someone better bring me some... anyway. i wanted to skip fourth to hang out with him but i can't. because i'll get ten days suspension, and that won't be fun. and oh my god, i am so hungry. i might get to leave early, and go see him during D lunch. i wish time would go by faster! three or four people have asked me if we're together... i just smile. again. and i actually like this. i know he's bad news, but like i said... it draws me in. it makes me want him. all. over. me. and i feel weird about it, because i'm not normally like this when it comes to relationships, i have to say i'm more of an emotionally attached person and i pick the wrong people. well, brock and i broke up because he's a dbag, and probably actually was emotionally abusing me/cheating on me, david and i broke up because he was going through emotional crap at home with running away. chris q and i broke up because he was in love with a guy. chris b and i broke up after 2 days because he wanted sex, and i wouldn't do it, pretty decent, right? and he ended up dumping me because i told him his "best friend" said he was using me. so, he had a guilty conscience. tyler and i broke up because...well...after the third time, the emo kid thing gets really...um, old. and i don't like it when people are constantly in a bad mood. i went through that too, i mean, i used to cut, and i had a fucking ED, but still. that whole "*/sigh, my life SUCKSSSSS" thing is so old. seriously. nikki and i actually broke up last night. i was going to break up with her but she beat me to it, just like chris q did. and i was actually okay with it but she was like "well you need to figure out your sexual orientation because you're not satisfying me and i hope you just find someone else", and really...i didn't care. i don't believe in sexual orientation, whatever. i was pretty happy. now i can screw around with H, no strings :) i wonder, how long will this one last? hmm. dorothy just kinda put that idea in my head. he's been hitting on me for a while now, even before he knew who i was, but he hits on everybody, but in some sick, sick, SICK way I LIKE that. i like them low-down and dirty, i like them fucked up, fucked over, turned out...and just over all headcases! ughhh.

GOD, HE'S GREAT. not god. no. but, H. lord. i tore him away from T this morning and it made me feel pretty amazing. he came to me. so i guess things are going okay. he walked me to first period, and kissed my forehead and junk before he left. i almost kissed him but then i was like, "i'll wait", so i'm waiting until after fourth to see him, if i can catch up with him then. wonder if he has a cell with him, maybe i could text him. someone is destined to have his number. he knows i'm single. he probably is. everyone has been asking if we're dating. i just smile. we're actually not, but i'm willing to let people wonder.