god, he's great. he walked me here, pretty much. i feel pretty funny. like, i want an emotional attachment and i want everything i had before with other people. he's not even my boyfriend, but i kinda want him to be? i hear a lot of bad about him. buuuut, that draws me in even more and i love it. i love it. i loved the way he walked me here, like he owned the place. god, i hope i can get to him before she does. it was beautiful tearing him away from K, this morning. the look on her face...oh man. but he came to me. so screw her. they're not together so she'll live.

he was all over me this morning, hey beautiful. it wasn't a hello, either. it was like "heyyyyy." like "daaaaamn". and it made me feel a little special, okay a lot. he walked me to first period. i feel like i have some kind of control now. sure it felt weird being close to a guy, his arms around me, and tracing the small of my back, but it's just physical so why do i want it?

blah blah blah, detention blows. skipped six classes thursday and didn't go friday. dijon and i made up.

skipped two classes friday, got a referral yesterday got high as fuck. detention saturday. i ended my friendship with dijon this morning. i feel amazing.

i just typed some long thing and it wouldn't accept it and the data wasn't cached. lovely. anyways. ex and i are talking again. four years of history is working wonders. he still loves me, i still love him, and i'm wearing the necklace he gave me in eighth grade. he gave it back to me this morning. i'm supposed to see him after third period and last lunch. i'm gauging my ears up to a 4 today. they're an 8 right now but I've worked in it and I think we can do it, cory's bringing gauges and someone might be able to pierce my septum. i can flip the ring up so my mom won't see it. dijon has a boyfriend. i hooked a bitchhh uppp :)

i'm at school. and i am in a dress. god, save me. i bleached my hair last night, black dye is so hard to lift. it's red in the front a little bit. but it's kind of brown, too. i started a Xanga, because I didn't like being anonymous, but I'll deal with it. This is so much easier to navigate and it's not blocked by the server here :D. I have boyfriend, I guess you could say. We've been together for almost a month [eighteen days] to be exact. Eh. It's a little weird though because he's not over someone else. A guy. Dijon almost got into a fight this morning, someone called him the F word. ...The bad F word, because he's gay. I want to punch her in the mouth, but she's not worth the ten days. IE6 doesn't have spell check. We never met, me and that other guy. It's okay I guess. I wish we had. Dijon and I never went to Fazoli's. I broke my laptop. I'm getting a computer this weekend. I'm hungry. I don't have lunch for another two hours. My geometry teacher pisses me off. I have a D, because she only put in two assignments, Mr. V retired. :( And she was bitching at me yesterday about how I "need help" because I missed three questions on a quiz. ...No, you just need to learn how to teach. She stands up there all period and talks about vectors and translations when that isn't what we're studying and she answers questions no one asks. E v e r y o n e hates her. Even me. And I'm not one to hate people. In first period today I put makeup on a girl who didn't know how to straighten her hair, and I flatironed out her hair, and flipped the ends. Maybe she didn't take off the makeup, I hope I don't get her in trouble with her parents though. I don't know her very well, I have chorus with her, I'm really nice to her even though some people really have a problem with her. She can be a bit annoying. But everyone was like that when they were a kid. She's a fourteen year old girl with the mentality of a third grader. But that's okay; I understand. :] There's six minutes left.

it's blocked on the server and this is the only thing i can do. look me up or whatever, i'm xblackoutsummer. basically, i'm at school and i'm not in a good mood. i cut my hair uneven by about a quarter inch, and it's not totally noticeable, but i'm fixing it when i get home. i have a headache and i almost stayed home today because i feel like throwing up. & i'm alright though. dijon is all obsessed with some boy, i'm just laughing because i know he'll get turned down. i'm not trying to be mean or anything, but the guy just broke up with his girlfriend, and yeah. ex boyfriend looks good in his rotc uniform. /sigh why do i have to miss being close to him? i read page 79 of mine and dijon's journal yesterday. it made me all sad; and he stared at me, just like they do in the movies, and i laid my head on his shoulder...and he kissed my forehead, and it's all good. we broke up three days later, hahaha. i don't quite know if i like boys? i don't know. they're all just...mean to girls. i think they may just be obsessed with themselves or something. like in the hallways or whatever guys bump into me and they're all like "whoops" but they don't...apologize? and they're really rude too. i hate when their pants sag, as well. that's disgusting. we all know you have an asscrack, you should just leave its size to the imagination. i've been sort of bitchy to a lot of guys lately though. i think it comes naturally though. they make fun of me, so i tear them down even harder. i don't care. i don't care. :) i'm to the point where, if i date someone, fine whatever. & if i don't, i'm fine with that too. i have friends. and i have enough friends to keep my life in tact. i haven't had a boyfriend in a month & that's not like me. for the past thre or four years i've always had someone. and this is the longest i've ever been single. it's a bit nice actually. it's given me a lot of time to reflect on myself and what i want. i have about $80 left from the 150 my dad sent me for christmas. i need a new straightener, mine quit on me yesterday, that's about a hundred fifty ): and i need hair dye, another $10 i'm taking my mom and dijon to Fazoli's, $30 i need to get my hair cut/layered/fixed, or something, $12.95 so yeah, i need to save up some stuff. i type too much.

I woke up with a headache. My neck hurts. My back hurts. My shoulders are throbbing. :/ I really should go back to bed. My body sucks, ): We're another day closer of going back to school. I'll eventually stop saying that. I haven't read a bit of "1984" and I'm not so sure I should be?...

i love mike's cover of that dylan song. mmm. it's pretty hot ;D Anyways. Dijon woke me up this morning again, haha, I love him :) We go back to school on the 6th. I'm going to kill myself, seriously. I do not want to go back to that fucking hellhole I'm supposed to call a school. I can't wait to graduate, whether it be when I'm supposed to or a year earlier... Mmmmm, he had to work today and he works tomorrow, and gets paid, and then he's off Tuesday and Wednesday, and I might get to see him. :D If he's got enough to cover a flat tire and shit for his car. And I hope everything works out. :D ♥

Christmas was pretty decent, if you consider "boring" to be decent. I didn't sleep all day, I wish I had. We go back to school January 6th, and I really don't want to. I hate school. & I left La'Drea at home so I have nothing to do. I named my iPod La'Drea because that's what Dijon calls me. And his aunt actually thinks that's my name. The other day I called Dijon and she yelled at me, she was like "WELL SOMETIMES ON SATURDAY I SLEEP LATE SO I'MA NEED FOR YOU TO NOT CALL HERE NO MO." It was 10:30, and I always call private so she can't find out our number, and he usually answers. & She answered that time so I hung it up. We were on the phone later and he was like, "She wants to talk to you" and then THAT happened and she called me an ignorant heifer. But...We picked him up on Christmas Eve and he came over here. She thinks "Andrea" and "La'Drea" are two different people. xD She's so stupid, with her orange jheri curl self. ): Thankfully he's moving. But it might be to Jacksonville. I already lost one brother this year and I'm not about to lose the other, okay? I'm five feet tall. That is depressing. It really is. I'd kill to be at least 5'6".