as soon as i woke up my mum went out. eva was already out for the day with sophie so i just sat on the computer and had a shower and stuff. mum brought me in a subway. holy sweet jesus, i didn't want it to end. italian bmt, toasted with cheese & chipotle southwest sauce = my weakness. mum went to bed for a coupla hours then she and eva went to the shop. when she came back i went out to the kitchen and said, "what did you buy?" she said "nothing much. john lent me 20 quid yesterday" i took everything out of the bags and then the last one i opened had a half bottle of vodka and a bottle of boost in it. pfft. dean rang me today. he said he was sorry about the weekend and i told him not to be silly. he said he can't wait to see me tomorrow since he hasn't seen me since friday ^_^ i asked him did he wanna go out somewhere on saturday with me, lulu, tasha, paddy & pierce and he said that it sounds good as long as we stay away from town. he also invited me out this thursday/friday with his mates. should be good craic.

woke up, got changed and then me and eva went to meet my daddy. we called into a wee shop and then sat in my granda's. after heading home, i went into my dad's room and lifted all his phones & aftershave & stuff and brought them into my room, just in case. headed to lenadoon at about 7 with tasha & ash. was shite like. charlie's bake. oh dear jesus. he looks like a chipmunk. i feel so sorry for him. he can't yawn or open his mouth wide and his cheek is all swollen. headed home at about half 9 and sat at the computer. boreddddd.

went to bed last night? thursday night :) at quarter to four and she was still blasting music. headed into town when i got up with tasha to meet paddy. we all then came back here and got all dressed up and lulu called then we got a taxi to the bourbon restaurant and met dean outside. went in and had a wee meal. it was fuckin' great like. came to 101.30 altogether but i had 60's worth of vouchers and we split the rest of the cost between us. me, lulu, tasha & paddy got a taxi back to mine but then lulu decided to go home cuz she didn't wanna get in shit for staying. was a pretty good night like. my mum was up drinking and we all fell asleep at about half 5 and i could still hear her music blaring. she was crying and everything earlier and she called me in, in tears, and said "i love you. i really do. i'm sorry that i can't give you what you're used to" but i just told her to go in and go to bed but she didn't listen to me. tasha got up at 5 past 8 and got the bus into work at 25 past. it's 20 to nine now. paddy's asleep. gonna head in after he wakes up. i went into the bathroom there and my mum called me in and said "will you watch wee eva's okay? i don't feel too good" and i said "that's because you were up drinking all night" and she said "no. no, it's not" then i walked into the kitchen and there was an envelope which said: "Rebecca, make sure i'm wearing my tan and red lipstick" "Kids, I'm sorry I can't give you what you're used to (money-wise)." "Eva + Rebecca, I love you both so much. P.S. 18 years of hell" "Whoever gets this, don't let Eva live with them two (Dad and Becks)" wtf like... went into town and met up with annette, jess-ka, ash & paddy teague. was good craic like. dean was stuck in comber so i didn't get to see him. charlie got hit by a 30 year old! he broke his cheekbone! he thinks it's class cuz he hasn't had a shiner in years. walt. i was in the kitchen there and noticed something blue poking out from on of the placemats on the table so i looked under it to see and it turned out to be 2 leaflets on domestic violence. is she fucking serious?

me and tasha headed into town for a bit. called into dunnes to see what time she started work at and then to ripoff to see how much the tartans were. 45 quid, not that bad. i sat in tasha's work til 4:10pm. i was meant to meet dean at 3pm but he was bloody late! me and dean then met armstrong and phil and went tent shopping and armstrong bought the brightest orange puffy jacket ever. it was class looking like. then we all sat in armstrong's flat for a bit then bumped into aoife on the way to meet tasha. we all headed to st anns for a bit after and daryl's knuckle was all bleeding. decky got hit by some spide and then daryl jumped on and the spide's head and mouth was pissing with blood. then we had to leave so i didn't get to find out what happened. me and tasha got the bus up and i called in to see my daddy for about half an hour and he gave me 20 quid. got home and my mummy's bloody sitting in her room watching big brother and drinking!! she just came in and said "what have you had to eat today?" and i said "a subway" and she said "is there any chance here?" (referring to the messiness of my room) and i said "yeah, i'll tidy it" then she said "and from now on, don't go out with the tv on and your light on" now she's started. she better not get like she was on monday...

woke up, got changed and went to get eva then posted stuff for my daddy. dean rang me at about 25 to 2 and i got a bus into town and met him. we were walking along botanic and he said "do you like chocolate?" and "do you like marshmallows?" and i just thought "wtf" then he told me to sit outside this wee cafe then he came back out and sat beside me and the waiter brought us hot chocolate and marshmallows and dean said, "see? i'd wouldn't do this for you 2 years ago. i've changed" then we walked to botanic and sat under a tree and listened to my ipod. it was so nice. me and dean then headed to lenadoon for a bit. it's so different from the last time we went out. he's grown so much; mentally, i mean. came home from lenadoon at about 10pm and got into the house and rang my daddy. mum's drinking *rolls eyes* she better not bloody start on me tonight!

rang kris at 2:20am in tears telling him about everything. then my mum came in and started slabbering again and kris heard it and said "if you ask me, you'd have to be mad to stay there tonight." and told me to go up so i did. i got up and kris's mum told me to come in and hugged me and i just started crying and told her everything. she was very reassuring and then told me some childhood kris stories to make me feel better. kris went to bed quite early and we headed upstairs and 4:00am and i climbed into bed beside kris. we didn't even sleep like. i couldn't sleep because i couldn't stop thinking about everything and because kris knew that i wasn't sleeping, he couldn't sleep. he got a bit too touchy-feely and we kissed and i said "this is probably the wrong thing to say right now but, i have a boyfriend" and he stopped but then i kissed him and we ended up having sex. i can't believe myself. i told myself i'd never cheat on anyone. i guess i can blame it on needing to be consoled? at about 6:45am kris texted his friend alex off my phone and then said "now you don't have to go home." he cancelled with alex just so i could have a place to go today and not be stuck in the house. i headed home and knocked the door at 8:00am. i had to knock a few times to wake my mum up and luckily i did because if i hadn't, she probably wouldn't have got up in time to get eva to school. she just let me in and walked into the kitchen then said "will you bring eva to the bus stop?" and that's all she's said to me since last night. i have some stuff to do here first and then i'm gonna head up to kris's. that way he gets to have some sleep. i'm still wearing his jumper, ffs. i need to give him it back. went up to kris's and slept for a bit then we watched my name is earl and then things got a bit touchy-feely again and i didn't even bloody stop it! raging at myself. i ended up telling kris about lulu getting off with that 32-year-old and i was really scared about him telling pierce so he said "right, if you tell noone that we had sex today, i won't say anything to pierce. but i mean it, if i hear one thing about it, i'm coming to the park and destroying their relationship." went to see my daddy. eva was there. i brought down a shitload of sweets and we had a wee party kind of thing. my daddy told me everything that the solicitor said and one of the things was "your daughter's 16? would she be willing to stand up in court and be questioned?" and my daddy said "yes, she's behind me 100%" i would, but i think i'd wet myself. get to see dean tomorrow hopefully =D tasha said that i shouldn't tell him that i stayed in kris's but i think i should. but obviously, noones finding out that we slept together.

today was pretty good. me, tasha & lulu walked to finaghy train station to meet paddy then we met pierce, brendan and hackett and had to go to a field near the golf course to look for lulu's phone. she never found it so we just all went to lenadoon. she's gonna go back and look tomorrow. loads of people were out because it was dee's birthday. everyone found out about me and dean going out again and they were all "aww" haha! paddy seemed to fit in well with the lenadoon crew which was good. dean walked me and tasha over to greenways and i was telling him all about my parents and he was all "are you okay?" and "just take it easy"

went to bed at like...3/half 3 this morning and i could still hear my mum and geraldine in the kitchen or living room or whatever drinking. this is awful. my daddy rang me this morning, waking me up, telling me that he was on his way here to get his stuff and to leave him money. I walked into the hall and Eva had just come out of my mum's room (at this point it was 9am and my mum and geraldine were still sleeping). then i let my daddy in and eva said to him "where were you? i was looking for you?" i honestly just wanted to burst into tears but my daddy told her that he'd been working in brian's. he packed up his stuff and asked me to look above the cupboards in the kitchen and bring him his cheque books but i couldn't find them. my daddy thinks my mummy might have taken them so he's gonna cancel them tomorrow anyway. was telling kris everything on msn there and he reassured me that everything would be okay. i hope so. i don't think i'm gonna even bother going out today. it's too wet. hopefully it brightens up for dee's birthday tomorrow. eamonn and pierce are having a drinking competition in the park, it should be good craic. dean rang me. we're going out again. i told him briefly about the whole thing going on with my parents. he was pretty sweet about. he invited me to a 2-day punk festival in donegal this weekend. costs 35 quid. i rly don't think i'd be able to go though. eva was in the living room dancing away to her hannah montana cd and i was sitting on the sofa and my mum said "it's a lot livelier around here now isn't it?" she's a cunt. then when i was sitting in my room, she came in and said "eva doesn't even realise he's gone." and i said "yeah, she does. daddy told her that he was working in brian's" then she just walked out. eva wanted to phone my daddy so my mum let her. he then rang me afterwards and i asked what eva had said. evas said "daddy, where are you? are you away for a couple of days?" and my daddy said "i'm down minding your granda's house for a few days because he's sick" and eva said "oh, okay then." bless her. she doesn't have a clue what'd going on. my daddy told me that john rang him. daddy told him everything. john's raging at my mummy. his sister like. he said she'll get what she deserves. he also said, "she lied. she said i held i knife to her. you know id never do that" and his voice was all shaky and he said "if i did rly do it, i wouldnt be this upset because id know deep down in my heart that i'd done it, but i didnt".

desi cush night last night was amazing. me, lulu, tasha & leigh headed into town & met up with dean the went to sit at st. anns for a bit. oisin texted me while i was there saying that he forgave me for cancelling the other night and asked me to go to his but because i was heading out, i couldn't go. then the four of us headed to the front page but there were police everywhere because there was an orange parade on. we went in after it'd passed and got a pint downstairs then headed upstairs for the gig. was talking to a good few people like. it was brilliant. i bloody got off with dean a couple of times and he asked me out and i said "if you ring me tomorrow i might" because i didn't think he'd remember it the next day. he brought the whole kirstie thing up and said that he was sorry to bring it up and he apologised for everything and i told him that i forgave him and he said that he can't forgive himself. he also said that he's been thinking about me for ages and that it's not the alcohol talking, he'd had a couple of pints and just finally had the balls to say it. i was shocked. then later lulu told me that dean came up to her and said "me and becca might be going out again. i'm so happy." leigh got off with murph and tasha got off with joe griff and jeff lmao. jeff's bloody 23! lulu got off with phil but we can't say anything cuz she's going out with pierce. uh oh. phil's bloody 32 and his ex-girl's having his kid next month! got home and sat on msn for ageeees. lulu and tasha took these mind candy pills. shoulda seen the state of them. we were on the phone to oisin for a bit and then to paddy hanna for agesssss! oisin invited me to his today and i said okay. tasha didn't sleep and was drinking vodka the whole way through the night and went to work at 9:00am but she got sent home at 11:00am haha. we all went into town at about 3:30pm and pierce was in pong so we went to subway to wait on him coming in then stood in the queen's arcade for a bit because it's a bloody miserable day. lulu then went to the bus stop to meet pierce then head home. oisin texted me saying "aye, see that whole coming to my house business don't bother, go meet dean instead." then we met karl & annette and they wanted subway so we went with them. in subway, i rang oisin to see what the fuck was goin' on and he hung up on me. what a wanker like. so i texted dean saying "right fag ;) x" got home and spoke to kris on msn. apparently kris got drunk last night and told thomas that he slept with me the other night and apparently thomas is going to "rip me a new one" he can fuckin' try! then kris said this on msn: becca || if you were a shape, what shape would you be? haha tasha likes double 33 ,likes silked out ahah says: and my head hurts -[[ Imagi-Nation ]]- says: awhh -[[ Imagi-Nation ]]- says: btw sorry for alllll the shit becca || if you were a shape, what shape would you be? haha tasha likes double 33 ,likes silked out ahah says: all what shit? -[[ Imagi-Nation ]]- says: everything -[[ Imagi-Nation ]]- says: the relationship crap, the break up -[[ Imagi-Nation ]]- says: the fact that i seem to use you like some sex toy -[[ Imagi-Nation ]]- says: the abuse and sleggings -[[ Imagi-Nation ]]- says: just everything becca || if you were a shape, what shape would you be? haha tasha likes double 33 ,likes silked out ahah says: jesus christ kris -[[ Imagi-Nation ]]- says: and for whatever thomas says to you when he sees you next holy jesus. dean rang me. said that he was sorry that he didn't ring me earlier but he's only up cuz he didn't get in that long ago cuz he went to a few parties after the front page. he asked what i was doin' tomorrow and i said lenadoon probably and he said he might call up. he's going to see his mum on monday anyway so he'll definitely be going up then. he's gonna give me a bell anyway :D sat downloading music tonight. my mummy was out drinking in the kitchen then my two aunts came down. then at 00:15 my dad came in, dressed which was unusual, and crying which was also unusual and he hugged me and told me that the police were here and my mum had got him kicked out of the house because he "held a knife to her throat". she was that grabbed the knife a couple of weeks ago was she not? texted kris straight away. i didn't know who else to go to. he asked if i wanted to go up but i said no and he told me that if things get bad and he needs someone to talk to, i know where he is. my daddy rang me and told me that he's coming up tomorrow to get his stuff and that's him out. i don't want to live with her. i can't do it... my mum came in and asked if i was okay. i told her to get out and told that i wanted to be left alone. then my aunt angela came in and started talking the biggest pile of shit. clearly trying to get me on my mum's side. she told me that it was my dad's choice to leave. and that it'd be better and my dad would be back to go to work on monday. then her taxi came and my mum came in and told me the exact same thing. my daddy rang again and i told him that both my aunt and mum had told me that it was his choice to leave but he told me that a policeman said to him "she wants you out, have you got somewhere to go? because if you don't we're going to have to arrest you" and my daddy said he'd ring his brother. i told my daddy that kris knows everything and he said i could go up if i needed out of the house and my daddy suggested i go up. but kris offered an hour ago... i'm rly thinking about texting kris but i don't want to wake him up and disrupt his house...

woke up at 07:45 after going to bed at 05:10 after my msn conversation with oisin and surprisingly, i wasn't tired. went to eva's sports day. she came 2nd in the potato and spoon race. met lulu and me and her went to tasha and tasha gave her and undercut. it's rly nice. i texted oisin while i was there saying "you cancelling?" and he said "nope, dya want me to?" and i said "no". then later i had this big conversation with kris on msn and he said something about needing to ask me something about lulu and pierce (in person) asap and i got rly intrigued so i asked him if he wanted me to cancel my plans with oisin and go to his. he thought about it and eventually said "no, go to oisin's" then he didn't say anything for a while on msn then i got a text from kris saying "i love fucking you. that's why i don't want you to come up. when you're here i can't contain myself. you get me so agitated." and then all these other messages that were rly...sweet in an odd way. so i cancelled my plans with oisin and headed to kris's but beforehand kris told me that thomas doesn't allow him to keep condoms in his house so i brought my own up and let kris know that i had some as soon as i got there. blahblah, we ended up having sex twice and trying out mint and chocolate condoms lmao. mint was horrible but the chocolate wasn't too bad (: kris got a migraine later and i felt rly bad for him. also, he brought up the "thing that i wanted to talk to him about ages ago" (which is the deal with my parents) and i just started crying. well, not bawling, i was trying to hide it but i didn't tell him anything seeing as he had a migraine and couldn't rly talk much. but he gave me and hug and honestly? it was so nice. i feel like such a twat now though. i apologised to him so much about it and he was all "don't be silly. it's better you do it here where noone can see you" :) got home and spoke to lulu on msn. oisin was on so i apologised and told him i felt like a wab. then he said "yeah, you should". he also told me that he rushed from his parents, who he hasn't seen in 4 days, just to be able to meet me which made me feel like even more of a dick so i tried apologising more then he said "its sweet" and blocked me on msn. i then texted him saying "did you block me on msn? i was gonna say that if you'd give me another chance then i'd make it up to you but i rly doubt you're gonna do that. so, whatever. i'm sorry x." and he never texted back =/ i've fucked everything up. why the fuck did i cancel with oisin to go to kris's house? fuck sake!