I move into my dorm tomorrorow and finally meet my roommates. Grrreeeaaattt. I'm more stressed over the unloading of my mom's car. And transporting all of my shit up five floors. Elevator or no. I have a LiveJournal now, so I'm kinda over this thing. Maybe I'll update it once in a while. We'll see. If you are truly that desperate for something to occupy your time, check it out at: keylimepie11.livejournal.com *shrugs*

Bah. So I haven't been on in a few months. But that may change since school is starting back up again in the next few weeks. I was placed with all freshmen - of course. They'll probably expect me to show them where all the cool hangout spots are and whatnot. Well, aren't they in for a HUGE surprise. They have friends from high school. They probably expect me to know tons of cool people. I know a few, but I don't actually hang out with them. Naturally, my roommates are excited about starting college. I am not. I'm much more nervous and uneasy than excited. I know all of this because I spy on them through Myspace (I have a Facebook). I need to work on my people skills. Majorly. Sometimes I wonder if I'm one of those types who get overly anxious in social settings and require pills. But I don't have panic attacks or anything like that, so I can't really hope for what seems like would be a quick and easy fix. Or an excuse for why I am such a social retard ("sotard"). Damn. I finally got side bangs and a flat iron. Yay. The transformation wasn't as lifechanging as I had hoped, although it was freaky seeing me with straightened hair. Now, I just have to work on recreating the look. Shouldn't be too hard, but my beauty skills are, like, -12, so we'll see. Meh. I need a fairy godmother. And a winning lottery ticket. Things would be much easier then. I've been hanging out with S.J. this summer, that was a real boost for me. We talked about tattoos...maybe we'll go for it instead of just talking about it. Who knows? I kind of hope so, even though the actual thought of getting a tattoo makes my skin hurt. But I really want one. Toodles.

Well, the doctor didn't do much... just said I need to eat a little something before starting my day. She said Americans are so busy that we forget to take care of ourselves. Bahaha! Yeah right. I gotta fuel up for my hectic day of laying around flipping through channels. Mom was mad...she wanted them to run blood tests and stuff. In stead of spending all of my time on the internet, I watch TV. Quite the trade-off, no? And I've added tons of music to my library and haven't felt any interest to listen to any of it. I still have a bunch from awhile back to listen to and de-clutter. Bah. My good friend (A) from high school mentioned something about trying to get together more and do stuff over the summer, since we don't see each other everyday at school anymore. This is my chance to actually get out and do stuff, like I've been wanting. But when I think about it...I dread getting the call from her or my other friend (S) who wants to get together. Why? I dunno...it's really dumb. Last week I went to A.'s old house that her family rents to their relatives and I stood around and watched them do yardwork and listened to them jabber in Punjabi. I would've helped but there weren't enough tools to go around and there's only so much everyone can do. It was boring and we could barely even talk w/ the lawnmower rumbling over our voices. Then, her and her younger brother dropped me off at my house and we sat around talking. But it was mostly her brother (he's very annoying) and after awhile I was getting bored. But I had to be polite; this is my friend after all. Sometimes I think I'm only happy when I'm miserable. And I have no reason to be this way...I just create problems out of nothing. Bah.

Well, I found out that I at least got credit for my logic class. So, that's a huge relief. Nothing is worse than failing a class that you pay for and then having to repeat it; thus shelling out more money for said class that you already took. Paying for school sucks balls. I did well in my other classes, but my GPA is still below 3.0...something that I have never experienced. EVER. ~ And...I weighed myself a few days ago...101 pounds. Not good. I don't intentionally try to weigh practically nothing. I look at myself and am unhappy with my body. I feel like I don't look like I weigh so little. But I don't starve myself. At school, I mainly lived off of ramen, because I didn't like eating in the dining halls. But since I've been back home, I've been eating fairly regularly. All junk except for what Mom makes for dinner, which isn't that healthy either...but better. The result? Today I passed out. Mom was talking to me; I had just gotten up and was gonna go on the treadmill - something I do everyday as soon as I get up - and all of a sudden I felt really nauseous. I was this close to running to the bathroom to hurl and the next thing I know I am lying on the floor. I ended up throwing up a little bile. But as soon as I regained consciousness, I stood up and shrugged at Mom. No big deal. I didn't feel bad or anything. She thought maybe I was faking to make her stop talking; that I was bored with her and messing around. She's already told my brother and sister-in-law and she made a doctor's appointment to check me out. When my other brother (who lives with us) found out he kept making fun of me and laughing about it. I thought it was funny. *shrugs* But now Mom keeps making comments about me losing weight and "wasting away". She weighed me and it had gone up to 102.5...she comments on me going from 110 to 102.5 (I don't remember when I weighed myself to find out I weighed 110), but not about the fact that 102 for anybody my age is unhealthy and pretty unnatural. [...You Should Probably Just Shoot Me In The Head Now...] In my junior year of high school. I passed out at school. Because I didn't eat breakfast and I would go all day without really eating anything, sometimes nothing at all. Not until I get home. Then I would use the treadmill before eating anything. But that's because I didn't want cramps. It's not good to work out after just eating something, and I didn't feel like waiting. ...do I have a problem? There's still the spot on the carpet where I threw up.

I think that pretty much sums up my Logic final. I am hours away from leaving this miserable place for the next 3 months. Soon, I can be miserable in the comfort of my own home. I'm also eating my last ramen for the next 3 months. I'm going to try to eat REAL food. You know, like bagel bites and ham sandwiches. Real food.

This Won't Be Quick. Or easy. ohshitohshitohshit I'm NOT looking forward to Weds. final. Philosophy 102: Intro to Logic. It was supposed to be an easier alternative to an actual math class. I'm starting to doubt my logic. I have no idea how to discern a valid argument from an invalid, b/c the rules are exactly the same....how the hell am I supposed to know if true premise/true conclusion is valid if it can be invalid too?! I don't get it!! Oh, and than I have formal proofs. Somehow I manage to solve the damn thing in 1 or 2 steps, while the prof will solve it in 9 or 10! Where the hell is he pulling these steps out? His ass?? I haven't the foggiest idea of where to start and how to continue. BUT... I can't do that until I prove it valid/invalid. If it's invalid, I don't even need to do a formal proof. So, it's all connected and if I screw one part up, I could very well screw up the rest of the problem. GAH!! ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshittttt OH SHIT. I'm screwed. And my liberal studies final was less than stellar...if I had studied more, I could have provided much more detailed answers, rather than half-assing it. At least he is a somewhat easy grader...as long as I have some decent, accurate info, he gives points. On the essays...I didn't even have conclusion paragraphs!!! Eh. I'm so sorry, beautiful Professor Stoops. I've failed you!! XD (Inside joke b/t roommate and me)

Gooooiiiinnng Annnyyyywwherrrrrre!! Last night, S. and I were both in the dorm room. I read while she worked on her paper. She craved a milkshake so we decided to hop on a bus at midnight to go downtown. But, Bham is too sleepy for late night escapades - everything that might've served us a milkshake was CLOSED. Only the bars and clubs were open (the very few that we have). We ended up standing on a streetcorner for 15 minutes watching the people leave the bars in their nightlife best as we waited for the bus. Then we rode around town hunting down our saccharine booty. (XD That sounds so dirrrrrty) Turns out Wendy's is open late, but only the drive-thru. Luckily, Haggen's is open 24 hours, so we each got one a pint of Ben & Jerry's. YUM!! We ran into some of S.'s HILARIOUS friends and we hitched a ride in their tiny run-down 80's Honda, with S. sitting in the trunk. Which she enjoyed immensely. Last night was so fun! And that...upsets me. I'm so STARVED for companionship and fun. I hardly leave my dorm except for class and to study in the library. I would kill for the chance to do these types of things more often. It's like Mom always tells me: "with all the people that go to your school, you'd think you'd meet SOMEONE." Thanks mom, that does wonders for my self-esteem, my self-woth. God. I hope next year is better. I need to try harder, stop being so damn self-conscious and afraid. Just smile and inroduce myself and start talking. I don't feel depressed or suicidal. But who knows? The longer I stay like this, maybe the more likely I am to developed such frightening thoughts.

This time next week I will be home for the summer! Tra-la-la!! I'm so relieved. Today, I only have one more class and than I only have finals to worry about next week. w00t. And how perfect is it to finish the week out w/ Stoops' dashing good looks and his smexy black jeans? ;) I'm gonna miss that laugh of his. :C gahahaha!

So, I applied for the Desk Attendent job for next year... and didn't get it. Leave it to me to NOT get the easiest job on campus. All I have to do is hand out trash bags and toilet paper. Occasionally I'd sort the mail. Apparently, I'm not fit for that level of work. When I tell my parents, then eventually my brothers will find out. I'll have to listen to them joke about it for the rest of my life. About what a helpless loser I am. I think I'm starting to realize that I have a ton of growing up to do. Sure, I know college is important, but what did I ever do to deserve the privilege of attending? I've floated through school - through life doing the bare minimum and getting away with it. I'm am so dependent on my parents, friends. I think that loneliness and low self-esteem are problems. But so what? I only PERCEIVE them as problems. Those aren't problems. They are easily fixed. What? I have no friends? Than I should quit bitching and whining and do something about it if I hate it so damn much. I need to stop being a little pussy and start taking responsibilty for my life. Stop pouting every time something doesn't go my way. Start appreciating everything that is handed to me. Because it is, whether other people like it or not. I need to change my way of thinking. I also need to learn to keep my mouth shut. :)

Yay for signatures! Still doesn't make me feel any better after hearing the terrible news yesterday. Man, I'm gonna be hearing about it for the rest of my life. :C