haha rachel, haha. ur not just charlie and isabella, but ur also my vestigial organ that i keep on my bedside table in a jar, like sum1 wud do with their appendix =D

yeah. btw. HannahH, Chloe, and Rachel u guys can go die charlie+isabelle= U GUYS ^^ DIE

ever. thts right. he's the best. he's everything i cud have ever wanted. he cute, shy, sweet, caring...just everything i ever wanted. I got back from NYC on thursday,and on friday a bunch of us went to the local lake to hang out and swim. well he came, but he doesnt own a bathing suit, so he didnt swim. on the trip, C and H named his penis charlie after the teddy bear he gave me that i named charlie. well they told him that they named it, and asked him if he liked the name isabella. well, now my vagina is named isabella. peachy. (thanks guys). So then we went home and showered and then dan, amanda, ben and i went to the mall for a couple of hours. My computer was at my moms house so i wasnt on last nite and he left for NY for a week this morning. well he sent me an email last nite. completly out of the blue. this is the email: I just wanted to say that I think you're completely awesome, I can't wait to get back from NY. We should see amovie or something, the love guru? The day, I passed in statute of solidarity. I too have fallen vistim to the singulsrity. Why I could never break the misery. Today I peer at my world, How beautiful it has become, You opened my heart, I thought it would never be so, I only wish the day had come sooner. I leave it at this and all was stated. I way not recognize it enough; your presence until now, sorely eluded. Without you I couln't have lived for what I've had to. What I would have missed without you. :) C U When I get back _______________________________________________ so sweet. just. idk. hes everything. and you know what dan? just because we've been going out for 6 months and the only physical contact we've had besides holding hands and hugging is one kiss on the cheek, does not mean that this is not a real relationship. just because im ready to kiss doesnt mean he is, and im not going to push him until _he's_ ready. we've only said i love you once, but i rly think i do. and lsat time he said he felt the same way, our relationship has grown. and i know charlie feels the same way *wink wink*. well thats all for now i love him

was yesterday. it sucked. majorly. I -ran away (well sorta) -threatened to move out -was almost forced to go see a pshycologist -was grounded i think thats it =\ so. it was my moms bday, and it started off good. i took a shower, and i was blow drying my hair, when, for the 5th time, my mom felt the need to remind me to pick up my room. i knew i had to, but i was in the middle of doing sumthing, so i said, "i know. i will. but im in the middle of doing sumthing. i'll do it when im done" but that apparently wasnt the right answer. she flipped out at me, ran into the bathroom, slammed the door. and started crying. sooooooo not my fault. so i finished up in the bathroom, and went and picked up my room. she was still locked in there so i went onto the computer. my sister then decided, that this was her problem, because she came down and said "wat did u do?" so i told her. adn she said "this is her day. y cant u just let her be happy?" so by that point i was pissed. i took my computer and moved to the basement, where my mom found me, and started yelling at me for an hour. i threatened to move out. so she threatened to take me to her pschycologist, so she wnet upstairs, and i called amanda, and she was gonna pick me up to go out with her because i couldnt be home. so my mom decides that we're gonna go out, and i told her i wasnt going, and she said "well, what are u gonna do?' so i said "im going out" which apparently im not allowed to do. so she flipped, told me to go move out, i said fine. and i left. she called my dad, who called me, but i didnt pick up. i didnt wnat to talk to anyone. so she apparently didnt think i was actually going out, so she thot i ran away, which i kinda did. i wasnt gonna come back. i was gonna sleep over amandas, but my dad told me i had to go back home. so i did. and we barely talked the entire nite. so yeah. thats about as fucked up as you can get. i started thinking abotu what she wud do if i killed myself. if she wud care. because as she so clearly stated, im a burden to her and this household. yesterday sucked. my eyes were all swollen and red from crying. make up was all over my face. and just, idk. i _want_ to go to a pschycologist or sumthing, but no way in HELL wud i let her know. thats it for now going bowling in a bit with some friends. new york for the week tomorrow. cant wait. i need to get away.

OMG. so yesterday was the last day of school. freshman year is over WOOT i had some friends over for a party. it was pretty great. after the party, ben, tj, taylor and i went back to tays house for about an hour and then we went to haley's. That was so much fun. we hung out outside and ate some burgers and chips and stuff, and then we went into the basement and played some pool and air hockey. Then ben, tay, tj and i were sitting on the couch, and tj and tay were just sitting there cuddling and stuff and ben and i were sitting there with out shoulders touching and nothing else. Then he held my hand and i put my head on his shoulder. it was so cute. then we went up stairs and watched some tv. the entire time his other arm was on his crotch and when we got up, he like pulled his shirt down to his like knees. awkward and cute? i think so. lol. he was all like antsy and stuff. it was rly cute but i didnt let him know i realized it. and we didnt kiss. =[. oh well. its summer, babysitting today. tomorrow my moms birthday, then monday im babysitting again. and then tuesday thru thursday i'll be in NYC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. pCe

0233 flynnke13: u r an absolute scum bag 0233 flynnke13: i hope u know thta 0234 flynnke13: dont ignore me 0234 flynnke13: and you better know what im talking about 0240 flynnke13: u r so immature for makign funn of ppl. i mean come on. how low do u have to stoop b4 ur satisfied. u almost caused some1 to cry today, and u know what, u dont care. and thats whats sad. what kind of person doesnt care about other peoples feelings? oh, wait, i know, their name is randy harris. and you wonder why i hate you, well heres a reason, you are so unbelievably incosiderate of other peoples feelings, it makes me sick. to think that there is some one on this earth, with a little feeling as an ass for other people. and you know what, u better not show up tomorrow morning, or i swear to god u will regret it, do u understand me? i never want to see your face again. ever. and i mean it. first u hurt sutton, then rachel, and now hannah. how fucking dare you. if ur gonna go and mess with my friends, be prepared to pay hell for it. DO NOT EVER SHOW YOUR FACE AROUND ME AGAIN OR SO HELP ME GOD 0256 phoenixfirer2d2: You have no right to talk to anyone like that and i was wrong about all of you 0256 phoenixfirer2d2: you aren't friends 0256 phoenixfirer2d2: not a good one anyway 0257 phoenixfirer2d2: a friend resolves a conflict not makes it worse 0257 phoenixfirer2d2: bring it on kellie flynn 0258 flynnke13: uhm yeah. im a good friend to my friends, but to the people i hate, fucking watch out b/c i can adn will make your life miserable, and considering i never considered u a friend, i have absolutly no problem being an absolute bitch b/c i WILL stick up for my friends. if you mess with them, u better be prepared 0258 phoenixfirer2d2: i will promise you one thing 0259 phoenixfirer2d2: i will pay for this 0259 phoenixfirer2d2: like you never knew 0259 *** "phoenixfirer2d2" signed off at Wed Jun 18 14:59:36 2008. 0259 flynnke13: oh believe me u will. and so help me god, if u EVER and i mean EVER show ur face around me or my friends again, u will pay for it 0259 *** Error while sending IM: This user is currently not logged on Session Close (phoenixfirer2d2): Wed Jun 18 15:00:27 2008

why? thats what i keep asking myself. thats what i keep wanting to ask you. you'll just say that i brought it upon myself. that it was all my fault. well, what would happen, if i video taped you and you saw who everyone else saw? then what? would you take back every hurtful thing you have ever said to me? would you apologizing for crushing my hopes and dreams? would you apologize for making me feel the way i do? the answer is probably know. you'd just get worse. but it couldn't hurt to ask, could it?

So yesterday was our playoff game. we lost. yipee. so a few weeks ago, i slid and got a bruise on my ass. it was all swollen and stuff. it just went away and i slid again yesterday and well, now its back. joy. the i did sumthing to my wrist. i cant move my pinky finger with out a sharp pain running through my hand. even more joy. it hurts so much, and the best part is, i have no idea how i hurt it. so i think thats it. im supposed to be studying for finals right now, but yeah, im not peace love and ananas

so i sorta did it. we we're walking to the first block, which happened to be Bio for both of us, and since i had to go to the library, i walked him to his class, and we said gud bye, hugged, and then jsut as we were pulling away, i kissed him on the cheek. i know its not on the lips, but im still really happy i did it. i sent him an email saying that i was sorry if i freaked him out, adn that if he didnt want me to do it again, i wudnt. i htink that's reasonable. he hasnt said anything tho so idk... on to the fucking lie that is my life. im so tired of always acting like everything is all right when i know it really isnt. it sucks. always having to put on my makeup to coverup the hurt and pain.i cant take anymore. i cant handle it. i need it to stop. i need to have some clarity or _sumthing_ what ever it is. i cant keep putting on this face adn going out into the world everyday like nothing is wrong when does it all stop

how come everytime i walk into my moms house, i get a head ache? and everytime i leave, i feel better. i cant stand being near her. i get all itchy and antsy and i feel like i cant get away soon enough when she tries to hug me. what is this? is this normal? well, my answer to the second question is that i dont _think_ its normal. maybe im wrong. who knows. but all i know, is that i cant wait enough to be at my dads house away from her. the problem is that, if she knew this, it would break her heart. what would she do if i told her how much i wanted to move out? i dont even have to go to my dads house. I just cant be here anymore. every other word out of her mouth says "im so disappointed in you" or "you cant u be like ur sister. she doesnt do anything wrong". who puts that kind of pressure onto their child. i never did anything to her. she doesnt know how much she hurts me and bothers me. and if she did, nothing would change. i've tried to tell her, she gets defensive, starts crying, i stop for fear of hitting her over the head with a lamp or other heavy, solid object... what would she do if she knew??? Cause I'm overcommitting myself I guess this is growing up I'm sleeping so little these days I guess this is growing up I'm feeling things are about to change I'm guessing this is growing up Yeah, I'm growing up And my mom hates my guts She has every reason to From all the things I do And it breaks me just to know That I have torn her apart so many times So many times