So, I was walking home on a warm sunny day in December. Yes. It was warm and sunny, in December. You may think “that’s crazy” but my answer would be “I think not” And why would that be my answer? Because I am crazy. So, back to the story. I was walking home, and had the sudden urge to do something with chewing gum. Not bubble gum, Chewing gum. I did not want to blow a bubble, or chew it. I wanted to stick up my nose. But I realized that I have tiny little hairs in my nose called cilia that would stick to the gum. So, if and when I tried to pull the gum out, it would get stuck and it would hurt like a bitch to pull it out or it would be one very awkward hair cut. So, what else could one do with a piece of chewing gum? Well, you could snort it, snuff it, and stick under the desk. But would that be very exciting, or healthy? I think not. I think you should stick in some ones hair. And I will explain to you the reasons for this. For one, you will not be the one in need of a haircut, peanut butter, and ice cubes. Two, once you stick it, it’s no longer your problem, but now the problem of the one it was stuck to. Three, if the person did not want to have gum stuck to their hair, they should not have bothered you. Note: If you are going to stick gum in some ones hair, make sure you have a logical reason to do it. If you said ‘I was bored’, there will be consequences to pay. Four, they cheated on you. Remember, there has to be a reason to compel you to do such an insane action upon someone. Fifth, you just don’t like them. There is nothing wrong with not liking someone. It’s perfectly normal and natural and it does not mean that you are insane. Sixth, you have an annoying sibling and you want to upset them and make them go insane trying to get the chewing gum out of their hair. If that is the case, and they really never did anything harmful to you, then that is perfectly acceptable. So, I hope that before you stick the chewing gum in your mouth next time, you will think of what other uses it could possibly have.

“My Shade” No matter how many times I walk away You always come back to suck the life out of me Like the vampire on a person And the sun on an icicle I need to find my garlic, my shade To protect me from you From your poisonous venom, your harmful rays Every time I look you in the eyes I fall into your trap again I scratch at the surface Trying to escape I need to find my garlic My shade I need to get away from you or you will be the death of me “WE WILL NEVER BE AGAIN” THERES TOO MANY QUESTIONS BUZZING AROUND MY HEAD I CANT CONCENTRATE I KEEP THINKING OF U AND ALL THAT WE COULD HAVE BEEN BUT I KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS AND THE ANSWER IS WE WILL NEVER BE WHAT WE ONCE WERE NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRY WE WILL NEVE RHAVE WHAT WE ONCE HAD WE WILL NEVER BE THE YOU AND ME THAT WE ONCE WERE WE WILL NEVER BE AGAIN “The mask of happiness” She hides behind the mask of happiness Always acting like the one she wishes she was Never acting like the one she actually is If only they knew the turmoil she lives with The pain and sorrow that run through her blood Things could get better And she would no longer have to hide She told them of the turmoil She thought that would make it better It just created storms Storms of hatred cries She’s stuck in this storm crying for help Oh, If only she could back to hiding Back to behind that mask of happiness Where no one knew of the turmoil She could go on living with a false sense of happiness She could go on living with everyone thinking she was all right She could go on living with everyone believing the lies That was then, before all of the storms started Now she has to live with the truth The truth that she is dying The pain and sorrow have poisoned her blood And they are now poisoning her brain They make her believe everyone hates her Everything is going to only get worse When in reality everyone loves her And it’s all getting better But by the time she realizes this Her time will be up “Shattered dreams” She had so much she wanted to do Dreams to accomplish But now her dreams lay broken on the ground Smashed by her one true love And as she crawls around trying to pick up the pieces And put them back together they way they were You sit there yelling at her Saying that it doesn’t matter. Saying you wont every accomplish anything And when the pieces are picked up And put back together She laughs at the shock she caused you Because she knew she would pick them up And as she picked up the last piece She walked out the door

today was sooooooooooo boring. basically sat in bed on the computer all day, I wrote a short story about bubble gum and some poems (will post later!) Friday:Hung out with Lindsey all day, we had an interesting time. It snowed like a bitch Sat: I was rly anxious for saturday to come. I saw ben for the first time all vacation. We went to go see vantage point with tay, tj, and nathan. After the movie we walked around the shopping area and tj ran off. When we called him, he said he was leaving Trader Joe's and heading into the liquor shop, mind u, hes 15. So Ben (my boyfriend) went after him while tay nate and I went into dunkin donuts. When ben and tj returned, tj had a bagette. (sp) (a large loaf of bread) he ate the whole thing. haha. Afterwards, we went back to my house and hannah (nates gf) came. it was fun. we hung out and talked a lot. Ben and I were getting rly close, and nathan actually made ben put his arm around me. haha. i kinda liked it tho. it felt right. but then ben snatched it away which kinda upset me. Tay asked him if he was going to put his arm around me in the movie but he said he thot about it, but deicided it wasnt that kind of movie.....i wish he did tho. Today: horrible. soooooooooooooooooo long a boring. there was nothing to do. the poems will be above

So yeah. My last entry was kinda angry. Thats because I did know everything and I was just really confused. So one of my best friends *R* talked to Ben last nite, and he said that he just thinks of Love as a sacred word, and hes never really been around it so he doesn't want to like use it or sumthing. idk. But he told *R* that he's sure he likes me as much as I like him. yay?. i guess its yay. But when TJ was talking to him, and Ben asked TJ how i was doing, i just wanted TJ to say confused because i didnt want him to worry, cuz i knew he wud. But *R* didnt know that, so she told him. and he said that he wasnt going to explode or anything and that he still wanted to be together. yay? So i didnt talk to him that much last nite, except for when he was explaining what he was thinking. His status on gtalk was like "I'll be here" which bothered me a little. IT was like tempting me to talk to him, which i wasnt rly in the mood to do. I didn't ignore him again, tho, which is good. but neither of us started a convo. He said he wanted to give me space. yay? And I still want to stay together, so i guess theres no break up in the near future =]. so thats it. just a new song i LOVE: 7 days of Lonely- I Nine "Tell me how I'm gonna make it your the one I can't forget It's like I'm running in slow motion in a nightmare that never ends When I try to face it when I wake up I hate the way reality sets in God I wish you could hold me, through the seven days of lonely. My heart is speeding up and slowing down to know I know it's over, it's over And can you die of heartbreak to die for love lost young I pray to find it again, oh again"

so yeah. today was good (in the beggining) but lets start with last night. So, in bens profile, it says

y do we need sex??????? i mean seriously. its torture for some people, and some people just use it as a way to get what they want. idk. also. idk w/e im having doubts again. big suprise. im not sure if i still want to be in a relationship with ben. idek.

“In your arms” When I’m in your arms I feel at home I feel at peace Like nothing can go wrong I never want to leave the crook of your arm It just feels so right Like it was meant to be Like fate brought us together And he knew we would fit. When I’m in your arms Everything is right It makes me feel loved And wanted And needed A feeling that I have never felt before And now that I have felt it I never want to lose it I just want to stay in your arms forever And I never want to let go

So today was valentines day =]. it was the first time i have ever had a bf on it, so tht was rly good today is a rly good day which i needed, everything had been going down hill. first i wasnt able to hug *B* b/c of some self confidence reasons and some other rly personal things. but i did. i hugged him. 2 times actually, and it felt rly good. i didnt know being in some ones arms could feel so good, and right. but, it did, and now that i hugged him, i dont want to be out of his arms (sketchy =D). but its true. idk if guys feel the same way, but i know girls do. my guy friend NBP said he didnt rly know, so i guess that anwers my question. but yeah. it just felt so right, like when a shoe fits perfectly, u know? now im regretting not hugging him sooner, and i mean a month is a rly rly long time to wait. lol. but i guess when the time is right, the time is right, and everything happens for a reason (dont laugh at me). so *B* got me a rly rly rly cutee teddy bear, and a gorgeous silver necklace. its so pretty, i almost cried, but then i didnt. haha. so i think thats it for now

so lets see these past few days have SUCKED MAJORLY except that i got to play Dr Phil aka Dr. flynnke13 for my friend. i must admit, besides the circumstances, it was very fun. altho im rly glad i could help out. she told me what had happened and i felt so bad. so being the peer mediator that i am, i stepped in and saved the day =] so yesterday. my mom comes home from food shopping, so i say "hi" and i go up to my room. 5 fucking minutes later, she throws open my door screaming "u make my life so miserable! my life is hell right now and i dont need anymore shit from u! so clean up ur fucking room or *T* isnt sleeping over on saturday!.!!!" and a whole bunch of other shit that i dont feel liek talking about. i mean, i dont even liek come out of my room, let alone make a mess, so i think it is extremly unfair that sheis taking all of her anger and resentment out on me. when i didnt even do anything (for once). so then shes yelling "if you dont show me respect, im taking away your computer and your fone and ur gonna sit in ur room all alone for all of feb. vacation!" WTF! i didnt even do anything! i said HI. is that a sin or sumthing????????? and its not liek she shows me any respect so y the hell shud i show her respect? i mean, do onto others as you want them to do onto u. so mom, if u treat me like shit, im gonna treat you liek shit. i know ur life is tuff right now, so im staying out of the way, but do not, yell at me for your own problems. i want nothing to do with them. i have enuff going on in my life right now with out you to add to it. so then this morning, i come downstairs and shes flipping out. "did u see those strawberries that were cut up yesterday? those were for u, u son of a bitch! i didnt cut them up for my own good, and i had to eat them. ur the only one that eats strawberries so u shud have eaten them". me-"ok, sorry. i didnt knwo they were for me. if u cut sumthing up for sum1, tell them its for them, instead of just leaving it on the counter." her " dont talk to me liek that u bitch! i was jsut thinking of you! you should have eaten them!" me"ok, im sorry i said." her"sorry's not good enough" and at this point i was putting the silverware away and had about 5 knives in my hand. it took all of my willpower not to either stab her or throw them at her. and let me tell u. i have good aim. i wud go move in with my dad except that hes never home, and the last time i threatened to, my mom called him and told him and he said i couldnt. so im fucking stuck in the hell hole. im the only one that gets blamed for shit. my sister gets to sit on her fat ass, and do nothing. shes as rude as hell. she reaches across u at the table and takes ur food, and as shes chewing, asks if she can have it. then she fucking burps and doesnt say anything. and if ur in the middle of talking she starts talking and complaining abotu how nobody listens to her. liek, idefk. and then i was so stressed out that i ate a ton. and now i feel gross and i feel liek i need to go lose 10 pounds and i was doing so good. i was losing weight, and stuff, and i prolly gained it all back today. so thts about it i live in a hell hole ********************************* some times she wishes she was never born

so yesterday was good. it was a half day, so we got out of school at 11am. tht was good. so after school, my mom picked me up and we went to the mall. i needed to get B and vday present. it was kinda embarrasing picking out cards tho, lol. they were all so lovey dovey and we're not at that part in our relationship. so i got him a box of chocolate and a gift card to FYE so he can buy some music or sumthing. Then, after the mall, i went to an old peoples home with some of the girl scouts and we had a tea. it was pretty fun. then i went home, packed my stuff for my dads house and for taylors house =]. and then i got ready to help out at the Friendship dance and one of the elemetry schools. it was pretty lame and boring but i got to hang out with some of my friends and B (it was 1 month yesterday!) so that was fun. Then i went back to T's house and slept over. we talked for a long time which was good. then we watched the new bring it on movie which was pretty bad. then we talked some more and jsut stopped and went to sleep. we were then woken up by her dog when she went out to the bathroom, lol. we talked, ate some breakfast, played some Guitare Hero and then watched some of her home videos which was fun. Then today, i get to babysit which is always good =] so, i think its time for more depressing news my mom is considering moving. i rly dont want to move. so much has happened lately that i want one thing to just stay the same. and i know that if we stayed in the big house, me and S wud have to step up and take on more responsibilities and im fine with that. i jsut rly rly rly dont want to move. and i know that may sound selfish but frankly, i dont care. I'm so tired of things happening that i have no control over and i dont want to sound selfish and bitchy when my mom asks me, but i rly dont want to move. i mean, 2 new houses in 2 years?! thts a fucking lot. and she said shes definatly moving when S and I go off to college and I'm fine with that but i dont want to move b4 then. so thts all for now email me flynnke@gmail.com ************************