No school today. Hallelujah! I'm gonna go over to my friend's house tonight. There's gonna be five of us over there. And she's declaring it "Girls Night" and to her that means we can't talk to any guy. Not even guys that are friends. So, we have to leave our cell phones with her mom until we leave her house tomorrow. It's gonna be funny b/c we all need our cell phones. I can't go a day without texting someone, and she (the girl whose house I'm going to) can't go a day without talking on her phone. The other three aren't as dependent on their cell phones as we are, but they still need them. I haven't talked to the guy at all today. I want to talk to him, but I want him to text me first. Yeah right, that's never gonna work. I know I'm gonna end up texting him today. I still haven't studied for my math test, but it doesn't matter b/c I won't have to take the test until Monday, so I should be okay. Nothing else to say. Song: "Breathe Today" by Flyleaf

Thank God for the ice! No school today! YES!!!!!!!! But, our stupid stations didn't post my school on the tv until it was almost time for me to leave, but by then my brother and i knew school was out b/c we checked online!!! i got up at my normal time (5:45), took my shower, got dressed, dried my hair, and almost put my contacts in. i didn't put them in b/c the text from my friend (at 6:05) said that we didn't have school. i got that text at 6:48 b/c my phone was still turned off. that's when i had my brother check the internet and sure 'nuff school was out. damn news stations!!!!! i checked them while i was getting dressed and we weren't even on there. i hate our news stations here. i kinda hope that school is cancelled tomorrow b/c then i won't have to take my math test! (to God: Dear God, please let school be out tomorrow!) i really hate school.....a lot. i talked to my friend (the guy) and he's pissed off b/c he couldn't retake his driver's test today. i think it's kinda funny. i was gonna tell him to suck it up and get over it, but i didn't want him to get mad at me, so i didn't. i REALLY like him. UGH!!!!!! why do guys have to be so complicated?! it sucks. it's confusing! :( i really want him to like-like me, but he doesn't (that's what he says). i still don't understand how someone can change their mind that quickly! ;( when i was in school yesterday, he was at home. we texted from 8:50-something am until 3:07 pm! it was magical! just kidding. but i really do like him! it makes me feel like shit that he liked me, and now only likes me as a friend. that's not the only reason, but that's what i'm gonna blame it on. i just feel like shit all the time. ugh. Song: "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis

so the guy and i were texting until 1 am! i was sooooo happy. we texted today too. im really gonna miss him at school, but he's convinced that we'll still see each other. he failed his drivers test. lol that's hilarious. my friend, the one who knows how much i like this guy, told me something that made sense. maybe he still likes me, but he wasn't sure if a relationship would work out b/c he's moving. i'm not sure if i completely believe this reasoning b/c she's my friend and she's trying to make me feel better, but it kinda makes sense. maybe he just doesn't want to get hurt and he's scared. well, i hope that's what it is..... b/c i still really like him!! :(

okay, about 15 minutes ago i feel a vibration. (no, chill, it's just my phone) and i look at it and it says the guy's name on it (yeah, the one that i'm just friends with now). and you know it's his birthday. he texted me earlier today, so whatever. but you know we've just been talking for the past 15 minutes and it makes me happy. which makes me wonder: how come texting a guy makes me happier than talking to my friends that i've known a hell of a lot longer? how come when he smiles at me my whole body becomes numb? i'll tell you why: it's cuz he makes me feel like i'm alive. when i talk to him, i don't feel invisible like i normally do. a lot of people are like this. marie, the slut, gets a "glow" around her when she talks to her boyfriend at school. my friend angel gets a ridiculous smile on her face when her crush talks to her. elizabeth can't breathe when her crush walks into the room. i get happy when i text a guy. tommy actually blushes when kayla looks at him. why is that?? i'll tell you why. when other people make us feel loved (other than our friends), we can't help but smile. it's funny. some of this might not make sense but thats b/c i'm busy texting, so i gotz to go talk to my "friend" :(

so that guy i was talking about last night... at about 12 am, i got bored and texted him. he texted back. FINALLY!!!!!! well we got to talking and the subject came up about "us". i already knew that we weren't gonna start dating any time soon, so whatever, but he said he didn't like-like me anymore :( WTF!!!?? you like me for a week and a half and then you stop!? i was so pissed off at him. but instead of actually showing some emotion, i just said "ok. cool. at least you told me." then he just said "yea". what kind of a response is that!? so i sat there staring at my wall for about 10 minutes before texting him back. when i did text him i said "so are we at least friends even tho you hate me?" he said "yea we're still friends and i don't hate you". WHATEVER!!! i want to know how someone can go from really liking someone, to only liking them as a friend in less than a week! someone please explain that fucked up soncept to me. i don't understand!! so, today is his birthday. yeah, happy birthday asshole. and like 7 days ago he said he wouldn't intentionally hurt me. WHATEVER..... so at 1 am, when i told him i was goin to bed, i texted my friend. (the only friend that knows how much i like him). i explained the whole thing even tho i knew she wouldn't text me back until later. (she was asleep). sure enough, at 6:59 she texted me and she was freaking out. going off and putting exclamation points after every word. that made me laugh. she knew it would. lol. im not even joking. i'm so pissed off. how the hell could he do that to me??? that's why i have trust issues, people. duh! and now we decided to be just friends and that's gonna kill me. he moved (one town over) on thursday and i'm not even gonna get to see him. he says i will, but i doubt it. i trusted that asshole with things my best friends don't even know. he told me the reasons why he didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone (girls not guys) for right now, and i respected that. WHATEVER. i can't even type this without crying. i really like him. i thought he cared about me. guess not. i feel like such a fucking idiot. i can't believe i trusted him. i should've listened to my friends when they told me not to like him. but i didn't. because i really liked him and he was a bad-boy. (that's my biggest weakness when it comes to liking a guy). it's just really unfair. he's gonna find a girl and after 2 seconds of knowing her, they're gonna be boyfriend and girlfriend. and when that happens and when he tells me, i think i'm gonna jump off a building. I FEEL LIKE THE BIGGEST IDIOT IN THE WORLD!! and when i go back to school tomorrow, my friends that have no idea what happened (only one of them knows) are gonna start being stupid bitches. sure, i'll tell them, but i won't tell them that i cried over him, or that i feel so stupid, or anything that i posted on here. i feel like shit now, so i'm gonna get the fuck off this stupid computer and go to sleep. hopefully i'll feel better when i wake up. i doubt it, but it's a possibility. WHATEVER Song:"Almost Lover"by A Fine Frenzy

That guy that i was talking about a few days ago, not the one that moved away, likes me!!! I can't remember if I already said that, but I'm gonna say it anyway b/c I'm so happy. He slipped me his number on a piece of paper (that i gave him) and he tried to be slick. He drew a picture of a turkey on the paper and he had his number on the other side. :) Then, when he got up to turn a paper in, I took a piece of paper and wrote my number on it and put it on his desk. When he got back, he sat down and took his phone out. I realized he was putting my number in his phone. At around 3 pm, he started texting me. I was sooooo excited. We were texting from 3 until 12:50-something. And the next day was a school day. So, we both like-like each other!!!!!!!!!! But he hasn't texted me at all today. I've texted him twice today, so I don't know why he's not texting back. Maybe he got his phone taken away. I hope that's what it is. I really like him and I really care about him. And he really cares about me and really likes me. (I hope) Song: "Vulnerable" by Secondhand Serenade

Okay, one of the best days of my life by far! :) This guy that used to live in my town a few years ago called me tonight!!!! He calls every once in a while and when we talk, we talk for like 3 hours. It's amazing. I used to really like him, but we're just friends. I really miss him, but talking to him is good. He's sooooo funny. And talking to him made my crappy day into a really good day. And tomorrow should be good b/c I have the class with the guy that I like. Yay!!! I'm just soo unbelievably happy. We talked for about an hour this time, but that's b/c someone called his house for his dad and he (his dad) had to talk to whoever called. But he said he'll try to call me later. I hope he does!!!!!!! Song: "Lose My Breath" by Destiny's Child

Everything is going crappy today. There was a dance at my school and at first I wasn't going to go, but my friends wanted me to so I did. I got dressed up and even put makeup on. I thought that maybe the guy I thought was cute would be there, but he wasn't. Then, I saw one of my good freshman friends with this guy I used to like. She told me that they were dating. That pissed me off. But, she's my friend. Then, both of the friends that I was with danced with guys. And of course, I didn't get to dance with any hot guy. Or any guy for that matter. That pissed me off even more. It was just a sucky night altogether. I finally got to showcase my dancing skills. I was bumping and grinding with my friends. I hate my life. Bright side: I get to see the really sweet, cute guy on Monday. I can't frickin wait. At least he'll notice me. Worst part: I felt left out and like absolute crap and my friends either didn't notice or didn't care. Song: "Beautiful Disaster" by Kelly Clarkson

I met this really cool quiet guy in one of my classes. I hadn't met him before b/c this class is a semester class. I was sitting by my friends, but the teacher changed our seats. He put me by the guy I'm talking about. He's really funny, nice, tall, sweet, and amazing. Honestly, I probably wouldn't have ever said one word to him if it wasn't for my teacher sitting us next to each other. We've only had this new seating arrangement for 3 days, but I already like this guy. I'm not going to tell Marie cuz she might try to take him. He's just really amazing. I'm happy again. (For now at least. But I'm gonna take advantage of this feeling cuz it might go away.) I actually REALLY like him!!!!!! Song: "Only One" by Yellowcard

The song "My Heart" by Paramore has been stuck in my head all day. Well, not really stuck in my head b/c I love it and having it "stuck in my head" would imply that I don't want it there. Got my hair cut today. I know it's not a big deal, but I think it's pretty cute. Ohhh, I forgot. On Friday there was this big story going around at school. I didn't hear about it until lunch and that is unacceptable b/c I'm the Queen of Gossip (that's what my friends call me). Apparently there was a senior who was getting stoned at his house with a bunch of his friends and he had a gun. Well he took all of the bullets out (well that's what he thought) and he put the gun to his head. There was one bullet left that he didn't get out. When he pulled the trigger he shot himself and died instantly. All of his friends witnessed their best friend die. The next day, some of the people who were there went to school for some unknown reason. One of the people (who shall remain nameless) told me that the wall behind the senior was covered in blood. How sad. Just days before that, one of our elementary school kids brought a REAL gun on the bus. He had a hitlist and everything. He was in 3rd grade. Ridiculous. Some kids on the bus saw the gun and called 9-1-1 and when they got to school, the police took the kid away. That's pretty much it. Oh, btw, I feel "fully alive". Lol. Seriously. Song: "My Heart" by Paramore