there is one main reason this journal is not like the ones previously written. Mainly because the same person is not writing this particular journal entry... Throughout many of the previous journals a girl was spoken about, a girl the writer was so in love with that he could never let her go. The writer wroke about his love for her as a way to escape the pain he was experiencing after their break up, and he wrote the journals so that some day she would understand how much he truely loved her. the reason this journal is so unlike the others.. is because now the girl is writing about her love for the boy i signed on today because i wanted to read the words he had once written for me. words expressing his pain, his love, and his hope. but in reality i could not bring myself to read them again. i could not bring myself to read about how he loved me for that is my only desire, to hear those 3 sweet words again.. because i could not bring myself to read them, i instead decided to write. Now i can only hope that he is not angry for signing onto his accont and expressing my love for him the same way he once did for me. Months after the break up we found our way back to one another and found that we both loved eachother the same as the first time we said i love you.. during a late night call he told me about the journals he had written and i begged him to let me read them. i thought maybe if i read them i would understand him and his emtions better and maybe believe that he truely never stopped loving me... needless to say my heart broke as i read over and over again how he was hurting because of me Over the next few months i tried in everyway possible to make him happy. But in reality all i did was hurt him and push him further away. And the fear i woke up with everyday became a reality a few weeks ago.. i lost my second chance at loving him... if you one day read this i hope that you know one thing... i never stopped loving you.. and still to this day i wake up dreaming of you and whispering i love you at the end of text message that i never allow myself to send. Now i only pray that if we are ment to be god will one day put us together.. we found our way back once... maybe we will again. untill that day i am missing the reflection in my eye.. the only refelction i truely want shinning through. I hope one day we can put our past behind us and get lost in the reflection of eachothers eyes and lost in the love for eachother that i know is still there.. but until that day.. know that i will always love you..

I havent wrote in a while, and I started thinking about all the times I wrote, not just here, but in journals or on scrap pieces of paper, what was my inspiration? And Im not really sure what it was. On here I wrote about this girl Im in love with, and I wasnt with her at the time, But on scrap pieces of paper, I wrote about love in a different way, more of a sad way, yet still cheerful. if that makes any sense at all. On my scraps I would write with a honesty that wasnt sugar coated, I would write things the way I felt or saw them at the time when, and I just kinda made me wonder, about life and everything that we are suppose to do during our time here on earth. I was wondering, Im the kind of person who likes a system, and a certain way things are done, Im a planner for short. Any way I started thinking, when we see someone or something happen, we tend to judge, either the person or the situation we just saw, weather good or bad, we still judge. And I was just thinking, we sometimes are quick to judge people in either a good or bad way. I made me start thinking... are we meant to plan, or just take life as it is handed to us. If you judge a situation as you see it happen, you may think that is something you want to do with your life, or it seems like something that you would enjoy doing, but the opposite is also true, sometimes we see something happen and we dismiss it as soon as it enters our mind. If we see somthing that we think we would enjoy or we would want to do. Im not saying that you should be careless, or that we should all go give up our fortunes and just ride the wind, but if something comes your way, and you dont no why, but you have this feeling that it holds something for you, weather good or bad. Dont just dismiss it, think for a split second and then ya or na, dont hesitate, just run with it, as long as it last, or as far as your legs will carry you. So heres to all the people out there that dont know why, but just know how, run.....run as far and fast as it will let you, and when you cant run, crawling is still forward progress.

I LOVE YOU. just thought you should know this, baby. and you are my baby, and beautiful.

I am still in love with you. I have tried to not think about you but i still love you with all of my heart and still blame my self at times for not being there and for just being stupid. I hope and pray will all of my being that we will end up together in the end, if god so wills. I just have to let you know this.

January 14th So you said something to me that i want to tell you the true about, but now is not the time, you said that you can see that it is getting harder for us to talk, it really isn't hard for me at all, it is hard not to tell you that i am still absolutly in love with you and can not and vnever want to move on from what we once had. I am having the hardest time not telling you just how i feel, because i know that when those three litte word come from my mouth, they will not come back to me and that is oneof the most feelings in the world, but i haven't diceided which one hurts most, telling you and not hearing it back, or holding it in and telling it to the back round of cellphone everytime i send a voicemail. I love you and will always be here for you but i think that you think that i am just saying that to try to get close to you, it really is not for that, i just dont want you to feel like you are alone when you never really will be, i am always a phone call away, i miss holding you in my arms, and i would die for one more chance to look into your eyes and tell you that i love you and hear those three beautiful words come back to me one more time. I've been told I am living a dream and that i am living on hope, but i living for the one person who i love, and want to be with, cause i can make things right now.

January 10th 08' So this girl that I have been writing about is sick, and it is totally killing me, i hate that she is sick and i can't be there for her, and i want t hold her in my arms rub her head til she falls asleep while im holding her, i miss her so much, i love her so much. I need some one to help me right now and she is the only one who fills me up and can make me smile when all hell crashs down around me, and now she is sick and i hate it, cause this means that there is absolutly no chance of talking to her tonight, i dont get to talk to her near as much as i want to but i would talk to her every second i got. I always had this thing i would say when we had been on the phone for along time and we where both tried, i woulld say that im tried and she would say go to bed, but i would reply "no, cause i cant talk to you while im sleeping so i will just have to stay awake," i know that might sound stupid or cute or what not but it was true, i never wanted to get off the phone. I guess the saying is true you never know what you got til it is gone. God bless

January 9th 08' So I dont know what to do, i want to be there for you so much and i just don't know how to tell you or show you that i will be. I know i have not always been able to or just have not been, but i know that i can now and that is all i want, i want to know why you hurt i want to help you figure it out, or just be there for you, to hold you or comfort you we you need it. You said when we were talking on the phono, that your not opening up to anyone, i know that Ashley has pretty much left you out to dry, and really doesnt seem to care, and i dont know what happen with Harrison but I am still here im not leaving, you didnt say that you were not going to open up to people cause you didnt want to get hurt, you said that were not going to open up cause you were done with opening up to people and them not being there, but i'm still here, i'm not going anywhere but where ever you go. I will always be here, I swear that, that is true, i just wish you would know that. I never wanted to hurt you and it makes me cry ever time i can tell that your hurting, i just want to take your pain away. I would do anything for you, and if i can't do it, then i will find what ever it takes to do it and do. I love you so much, it is your reflection i want in my eye.

January 6th 08' This is our song, always will be, i will always feel this way. (This is to the girl i have been writing about, not for anyonw one else, this is a very personal journal). "Far Away" This time, This place Misused, Mistakes Too long, Too late Who was I to make you wait Just one chance Just one breath Just in case there's just one left 'Cause you know, you know, you know [CHORUS] That I love you I have loved you all along And I miss you Been far away for far too long I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore On my knees, I'll ask Last chance for one last dance 'Cause with you, I'd withstand All of hell to hold your hand I'd give it all I'd give for us Give anything but I won't give up 'Cause you know, you know, you know [CHORUS] So far away Been far away for far too long So far away Been far away for far too long But you know, you know, you know I wanted I wanted you to stay 'Cause I needed I need to hear you say That I love you I have loved you all along And I forgive you For being away for far too long So keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing Hold on to me and, never let me go These words ring true, i don't seem and don't want to be able to function without you at my side. this song is what im feeling now. you are my home,ive done a few things, i wasn't proud of, i have said a few things, that hurt you, but you're still the only one who fills me up, and every night spent alone, was worth it. ive done a few things, i wasn't proud of, might have said a few things, that hurt you, but you're still the only one who fills me up, and every night spent alone, was worth it. [chorus] you are my home, you are my everything, when i feel so alone, you are my home, you are my shelter... when all my hope is gone these songs hold true to my feelings that i have inside, you are my comfort when it is gone, when all colapeses around me you hold on to me and keep me going, you cheer for me when everyone roots for me to fail, thank you, you are my love.

January 6th 08' So, today i went to church, a i got there alittle late, but the church was very full whicn is unusually, but the spot where i usually sit was full, occupied by the girl that i am so in love with, that i have been writing about for the past couple journal entries. I was sure about how things would go if i just walked up there and sat next to her where i usally sit, so i sat in the back but i had the clearest sight of her, i was listening to the pastor but i was just thinking that i wish that i could be up there with her sitting next to her holding her hand in mine like i could once before, but just watching her ......I don't know, but i really could take my eyes off of you, and i dont know but i really could not take my eyes off of you nor could i clear my mind of thoughts of you, but i swear i can tell you what that whole service was about, and thats good for me. I just really can't get over "us" . I'm sorry for the pain I've cause, I love you, you are my world, Thank you once again for all that you have helped with, i can say that enough. God bless