"my goal in life is to become immortal then die" that's the most amazing statement i think i've ever seen.

i'm justa little slice of adorable. i can't help it. i can't stop it. nope. can't seem to stop that adorable. look me in the face. do it. i said DO it. my friend. i was told by my friend. i'm not normal. i find it funny that just hours before i was writing about how everyone's normal. no one's different. and i also find it funny i was reading about screaming for ice cream and at the exact moment the words went through my skull the same words played from a commercial on the television. i was connected with the television. my mind and it's little electrowaves or whatever... we were connected. its The Combine. Cheif was right. and i'm an indian. native american. shit my life has too much coincidence to be real. dear lord make me a bird so i can fly away. He didn't turn Jenny into a bird that day. but it's okay with me if it's okay with you, Forrest. He just wants to believe she needs him. It cuts deep, you'll never know know a way out. Just listen close, you'll hear him screaming... "Take me, take me, take me. Who's gonna miss me when I'm gone?"

inspiration. i want it. i want to create. so very badly. but i'm all blank inside. i used to be an indian. i'm sorry. i used to be native american. i'm trying to be politically correct now. i used to be red. and black and blue. and green and yellow. and purple. but now the color's are gone. so i've nothing to create with. do you do you do you notice how every other chick out there thinks they're different? that they're "not like other girls"? i hate that. we're all the same. everybody is made out of blood and guts and squishy gray matter and skin and bone and gall. and if you have to announce you're different, then you're obviously not trying hard enough. hi my name is myvienswontstoppopping. it's true they won't. i hate that feeling. does anyone else feel it? or is it just me? honestly. in my neck and legs. neckandlegsneckandlegsneckandlegs. i feel the viens twist and POP! they're broken. i kindof want to unravel just one vien. like find one close to the surface of my skin, take a hold of it and pull. and keep pulling just to see where it leads. probs to my heart. once i get to my armpit i swear i'll stop. She is everything to me, the unrequited dream A song that no one sings, the unattainable She's a myth that I have to believe in All I need to make her real is one more reason

i just woke up from the most fitful nap. i walked straight outside. it was the scariest thing i've ever scene. it's seriously going to happen. I’m floating, its after, its never, its to late for reason, its now or its never, its over its pouring out.

all the viens in my feet keep swelling. and then they open up and i get that cold feeling undermyskin. you know how cold it feels when a vien breaks? it chills your skin from the inside out. everytime i take a bite of anything. soon as it reaches my throat, it turns to maggots. i can feel it. they're going down to my stomach. and they're going to eat me alive. hollow out my thorax. haha dude. there's a fishing line in my neck. but i can't figure out what it means yet. can't figure it out. bruises cover your arms, shaking in the fingers with the bottle in your palm, and the best is, no one knows who you are. just another girl alone at the bar.

it's funny how coincidental everything is. the world talks to me. the earth. the weather. people. songs. every event in my life is carefully mapped out, plotted, crafted... everything connects. the weather today totally got it right. explosions explosions explosions. kill kill kill dead dead dead. remember that time you wouldn't leave our house and the police had to come? remember how loud you made her scream? remember when you were drunk driving us? remember how you almost killed yourself? remember the car crashes? remember beating us up? remember the deciet, the lies, the false hope? thanks for everything. um you ran away today. again. you're the dad. so grow the fuck up. So I've come to complicate the dead, are you with me? I've written out all my vows again. We're almost home to see the silence break on new years eve.

haha i probably shouldn't laugh when my guts are twisting around, coiling, fucking shooting out my mouth... oh guts. they make me smile. especially when the so-called patriacrch is destroying one of the vital ones. liver: a large, reddish-brown, glandular organ located in the upper right side of the abdominal cavity, divided by fissures into five lobes and functioning in the secretion of bile and various metabolic processes. not so much, my friend. not so much. you're a little scarey and given my weakened state i'm not sure i could stomach it. oh. and i forgot to mention one little thing. your loss... Take the time to get to know me If you want me why can't you just show me We're always on this roller coaster If you want me why can't you get closer

...no one wins. ever. you're welcome.

i figured it out. i AM the overturned feeding barrel in the pasture. and all the cows have returned to the barn for the night. am i the only one who sees all these coincidences in life? honestly they're all one right after the other. they're everywhere. how can you not? oh and there are three tally marks on my left. do you understand that? can you comprehend the immense meaning in that statement? God. He is talking to me. theologically speaking. i. am. a symbol. i represent all that is good and evil in everyone. i do. look at my past. look at how i act. i'm a sinner. and i know it. and i don't care. but when i go. i'm going up. up up up. this world isn't meant for me. do you realise that? do you? realise that? no. no you don't. because i'm speaking a language only i understand. the proof is written on your blank faces and heard through your non-response. it makes me sick when you say you have problems. you're heading for a mental break-down. you're fucking fucked in the fucking head. your life fucking sucks and you, yes YOU are the one who's fucked up. well i have news for you. the one's who are really, truely and IRREVOCABLY "fucked up"... they're the ones who would never admit it. so think about that the next time you spew your problems and wonder why i don't respond. who the fuck am i talking to. So don't give up on me We can all just pretend it's a dream That'll work itself out in the end

blank page looming. ink lays spattered. but it's not ink. it's too red. it's not even red. i lied. it's black. it's spilling. dancing and spattering FUCKING STAINING everything. i don't care. take the photographic evidence, do what you will. play? shut the fuck up i know what you're doing. creeper. this pressure has been building up BACKING UP this loaded gun. clean up your act so i can shoot you right back SHOOT you down, SHOOT you out this is so fucking hard to untangle. my alternate is becoming my reality. you feel wierd telling me? what the fuck why'd you do it in the first place? spill your seed, you definately earned it. SKETTTTCH it. yeah sketch me. draw me out, you know you want to you, you know you did. just stop telling me. because the circles my life's running in are fucking running me mad. but your hunger's calling, your fangs are growing and your lips are moistening. you're chewing in desparation and your apology has been forgotten. they say music soothes the savage beast, but you were never one go with the croweeeed. You are a dream among the sharks Beautiful and terrifying Living restless We dance in dark suspension