015. TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! it was pretty good. i got some good stuff, a lot of people said happy birthday to me, it was fun. i got this wiked alarm clock that has an ipod thingy in it. =] i supposedly needed an alarm clock, since i accidentally overslept and missed school a few days ago. my bad. i was happy i got to see matt today, even if it was only for a few hours. i got mad at him for smoking one and a half cigs at a time. wtf! in attempt to quitting, that deff won't help. he knows right away when i get mad/upset, within the first minute. its amazing lol. recommendation: diamond on your hand by antje duvekot. What if the diamond on your hand, was just a common ten cent ring? What if your ice castles melt down to water? What if your great walls remained as little more than cellophane, at the end of the day?

Interlude. Yeah, you are pure desire, like a candy bar at a fat camp. If I cannot have you now, I will wither like a weed. You are a glass of fine wine, with a four star dish. You are a little detour. Make me shake like a jellyfish. You have the sweetest eyes I've ever seen. I would offer you a permanent position in my dreams, and it's not that I'm easily swept off my feet, but you are like ecstasy.

014. yessss my laptops back!!! horay, i'll be back to writing daily again. cheaaa baby. matt got the job at target, i'm happy for him, yet i hate it. it's gunna stink not hanging out as much. oh well i guess, it's not gunna change anything between us, it's just something i'll have to get used to. no biggie. so i named zeek's twin, ziggy. he's a stray, who bob insists is our neighbors cat but i doubt it. i pulled ticks off of him and hes got stuff stuck all in his fur. =[ hopefully we can adopt him. =D my birthday is tomorrowwwwww!!!! i can't wait to see matt, i hate that he has to work, but i'm just glad i can see him for a few hours. 5 hours actually. ^_^ haha so i actually like chris brown's new song 'with you'. first song by him that i actually like. recommendation: with you by chris brown. Ooh, little cutie, when you talk to me, I swear the whole world stops. You're my sweetheart, and i'm so glad that you are mine. You are one of a kind and you mean to me, what i mean to you and together baby, there is nothing we won't do. 'Cause if i've got you, I don't need money, I don't need cars, oh, you're my all. Baby, you're the best part of my day.

013. i'm in a reaaaaaaaaaaaallly good mood. matt left about an hour ago, we painted and watched some movies. it was fun, he's amazing. me and kim are talking about starbucks, and oh man i want some. yummmmmmy. kim wants me to make her some mixed cds for christmas, which is easy but hard. idk what music she likes, but still it'll be fun. sam was talking about working on snowmobiles and said i could help him and i said i wouldn't be any help, but he said i could just be there anyways and look pretty. haha. no thanks.. lol mia says he might just be nice, or have a little crush on me. i think he's just being nice. he doesn't seem the type to fall that fast for someone. hrmmmm enough writing for one day, school tomorrow! =[[ recommendation: tonight, tonight by the smashing pumpkins. [[amaaaaaaaazing song and video.]] Time is never time at all. you can never ever leave, without leaving a piece of youth and our lives are forever changed, we will never be the same. The more you change the less you feel, believe, believe in me, believe that life can change, that you're not stuck in vain. We're not the same, we're different tonight, tonight, so bright, tonight.

012. yesterday was pretty fun, i went bowling with matt, kim, and nick and all his little friends. bowling is more fun than i thought, even though i got bored and gave up halfway through the 2nd game. haha with my luck, chris and cory went bowling too. matt's favorite people... me and chris just nodded hello and matt said it'd be fine if i went and said hey to him, so i did and cory was there. matt came up and shook hands with chris, he pretended to be friendly but it didn't come out like that. matt put his arm around me and said how he wishes he could rip cory's adams apple out, no one heard but me but cory was like what? and matt was like if you ever talk to her again, respect her this time. today cory IMed me and said he wished i talked to him again yesterday cause he wanted to tell me we're better off pretending we never knew eachother. sounds good to me, i was pretending that anyways. mia left today. =[ she went back to college, but it was fun the last few days i spent with her. we played uno like old times! we drank together friday night with nevin and his friend matt. i only had 2 and a half beers, and a cup of amber mist or something, but i got soooo dizzy. it sucked. so i went upstairs and passed out. recommendation: thrash unreal by against me. No mother ever dreams that her daughters gonna grow up to be a junkie. No mother ever dreams that her daughters gonna grow up to sleep alone. No mother ever dreams that her daughters gonna grow up to be a junkie. No mother ever dreams that her daughters gonna grow up to sleep alone. No mother ever dreams that her daughters gonna grow up to be a junkie. And if she had to live it all over again, you know she wouldn't change anything for the world.

011. I felt like writing another entry today, rather than adding onto the other one. la la la. yeup. the end. recommendation: tired and uninspired by my american heart. You are the earth beneath my feet, you are my gravity. 'Cause lately I've been tired and uninspired. 'Cause lately I've been tired, oh-so tired. And be strong for me. And be strong for me. And I'll be strong for you, oh, you. You are the earth beneath my feet, you are my gravity. 'Cause lately I've been tired and uninspired. 'Cause lately I've been tired and uninspired.

010. happy thanksgiving. this is the first year where my grandmas not coming, my mom and her are sorta in a feud. matt might come today, who knows. it'd be fun if he did. i talked on the phone to matt for a while last night, while he waited outside for his friends to pick him up, i don't even know if they did or not. i told him to call the house phone, he did at like 130am, i was so afraid mom woke up, she did and came in and asked who i was on the phone with, but oh well. i like talking to him on the phone, i love the sound of his voice. hmm well matts not coming today, i figured, but i'm still bummed out. maybe i could see him later, doubt it though, no ride. oh well i guess. i hate thanksgiving. i love how thanksgiving was actually about tuns of indians dying and us stealing their land, yet we celebrate it and give thanks? weird. also, how did thanksgiving even become about food? i mean where did turkey, the main symbol of thanksgiving, even come from? recommendation: millions of pieces by mansions. You saved me from breaking into millions of pieces, dancefloors and beer bottles, meaningless kisses, and I don't miss a single one. I never want you to be erasing me. I never want your heart to be breaking. I never want us to ever be apart, and I don't think I could live without you, so please, don't ever go, cause I need you now, and that, you should know.

009. today was an okay day. i got to see matt, he was in a really good mood at first. him and his friends had a puking contest thing, and his aunt flipped out on him since the dog was eating the puke, that was mostly cleaned up anyways. he got extremely mad, the maddest i've ever seen him. there was no way she would drive me home, so i had to call my brother and dad, who came and got me. dramatic evening. he calmed down big time, i hate seeing him mad or upset. he went to his mom's for the night, hope everything works out, since its thanksgiving tomorrow. i offered for him to come here, i know my mom won't mind, but i know his aunt's will want him home. i'd love to see him and spend thanksgiving with him. i've been talking to sam a lot lately, he told me to ditch hanging out with matt tomorrow and hang out with him. psh, no ways. sams cool, but come on, it's matt. lol plus, matt will HATE me hanging out with sam, since he flipped with me hanging out with chris. who knows, i guess i'll talk to him about it. sam shares the same music taste as me, almost everything i've sent him, he's liked. he didn't like mansions that much though...jerk. =P recommendation: great big plan by mansions. [[best band EVER!! check them outtttt.]] Yeah I was such a mess, but the only thing I felt was the warmth of your smile upon me and you felt right, so I gave you it all.

008. well i'll be writing less and less, since my laptop had to be sent back once again. should be back in about 10 or so days. hrmm today and yesterday i was just upset for no apparent reason, i didn't get to see matt but thats no reason to cry. idk whats wrong with me. atleast mias back, i missed her tuns and its good to see her. recommendation: iris by the goo goo dolls. And I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am. I just want you to know who I am. I just want you to know who I am. I just want you to know who I am.

007. yet another day, that sucked. i fought with aaron so much, but atleast i got my odorless terpentine for painting. =]] i'm truly worried about aaron. he's soo messed up. recommendation: curacao blue by mansions. I was still waiting for the daylight when you appeared, and when I'd wrap my arms around you, I wasn't scared, I wasn't scared, I felt no fear, I wasn't scared at all.