i haven't updated. it's not like anyone reads it anyway. but, yeah. this past weekend was amazing. i went to the movies with krista, kerrie, max and ren. the nightmare before christmas in 3d son, it was hella tight. then we went to the roomstore and did stupid stuff, haha. the workers were looking at us like, wth. then ren went home and we ran to mcdonalds and got mcflurrys, amazing. this is what makes me want to stay in this city. i know that in my head, all this stuff is more than what it really was. in everyone elses head, except maybe krista's, they're like, "oh yeah, that was fun. woo." but we're like "YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY". i don't know. i don't understand myself. i think i just have high hopes of loving this city and the people in it. i want to live up to a certain potential, i want to make my life amazing. i want to live on the edge, as cliche as it is. i want to have fun with amazing people and not care about anything else. i have yet to find the people, except maybe two or three. and maybe some that i haven't realized yet. small city kids dreaming up pretend lives picturing ourselves there, like movies in our minds each day we get closer but we don't realize. we can make it happen but we're too shy scared of rejection, living a lie "i can do it", that's all we ever say but when the time comes we have nothing to convey. we're gonna put it all out there, don't care what they think we're lying to ourselves, every single day. but we're getting closer, and one day it'll happen we'll really do it, it'll be all we imagined. lame lyricist i know. i type it for myself, i have no intentions of people reading it. but this is a public journal, if you read it you read it. that's the problem with us. me. my friends. we want to meet more people. amazing people. that we can call our best friends. we have so many opportunities. we say we're gonna live for jason(my best friend who died, he was exactly how we[well actually i, maybe them too] want to be). but we get so scared. it's not only them, it's me too. i'm so scared of rejection. i'm so scared of talking to people and them not liking me. i hate it. i envy people who can actually go up to someone and say something. i can do it, i've done it before. actually, i've done it a lot. it's just when there's more than one person, and they look intimidating. i don't know. but this journal. it's going to be my promise to myself. I am going to be who I want to be. No fucking joke this time. I'm going to say what I want, do what I want. Haters can suck it. I'm so serious this time. I've said this a lot but now I truly, truly mean it. I swear on everyone I love's name, that I am going to not care. I'm going to be like Jason. I am going to be who I want. Okay sorry. I had to do that. Sooo enough of that subject. Today was okay. Besides my mom throwing away my empty vitamin water bottles. I was trying to get all the colors, and I had atleast 6. and she threw them away. Now I only have two. So, between my last entry and now, I've developed an obsession with vitamin water. It's my favorite drink now. Uh oh I have to eat now. Bye internet.

so i'm going to try this journal thing. i need somewhere where people i know won't read anything i write. unlike myspace. as far as i know, no one i know has a songmeanings account. so if you're reading this, which i doubt anyone does, i better not know you personally. and if i do, stick a note in my locker that says "purple hippo". like i said before, i doubt anyone reads this. but i like to feel like someone is listening to what i say. i feel like this is like "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" in a way. if you haven't read it, go read it. it's amazing. so yeah. since this is my first entry, im going to tell you about myself. my name's Megan, kinda obvious. i'm only 13 years old, it's lame. i love music, more than almost anything. i like almost all kinds. acoustic, hardcore, pop punk, "emo", rap, ska, punk, etc. bands i like are chiodos, cinematic sunrise, something corporate, backseat goodbye, norma jean, swingset acrobat(backseat goodbye's side project), jack's mannequin, dance gavin dance, lovehatehero, sky eats airplane, motion city soundtrack, farewell, the fear of falling, the east river snorkeling experience, and a lot lot lot of stuff. i go to a lame school in a lame city in a lame state. i want to move to california when i get older. i like supporting local bands. i have a few close friends, and a lot of acquaintances. i'll probably judge you before i know you. it's something i can't help, and i know i'm not the only one. if you make me laugh, i'll probably like you. i'm nice. i'm scared to let out my real feelings to my friends sometimes, in fear of them thinking i'm stupid. i let my friends tell me about their problems, but i'm scared to tell them mine. i'll feel like a whiny ass bitch. so i pretend everything is alright. that's what this journal is for. i need a friend, a friend who i can tell anything to with out feeling dumb. i love my friends a lot lot lot but i just need one special one. i don't care if they live across the street and i talk to them everyday or if they live across the country and i only talk to them on the computer. i'm usually not serious. i like balloons and photography. you should talk to me on aim. it's AHHHMEGANN (: okay so that's it. now ima talk about today. today was okay. my dad wanted to take me to school real bad, and he came and i wasn't ready. then i got ready and stuff and he told me to stay home because he wanted to talk to my mom. my parents are in this lame ass fight and i don't feel like saying what it's about because i've said and typed it so much already. so yeah, she dismissed the protective order and he can come over now. and he's been crying and stuff and asking if he can stay atleast the night. she keeps saying no and calling him a baby. i feel really sorry for him. holy crap, so many people are IMing me right now. so yeah, i didn't go to school. i stayed home and watched tv and slept, which was pretty good. then i went to citi financial place, home depot, walmart, lowes, and kfc. haha. it feels like christmas. i know that doesn't make sense, but i give holidays feelings. it's another thing i can't help. it feels like christmas because of the cold, and just the feeling of people being together. my sister's not here, but my brother and dad are here. my mom's sleeping. so we really aren't together, it just feels like things are getting better. it smells like christmas too. i can't explain that. i'ts 10:36 right now and i should be getting ready for bed and stuff, because i promised myself i would go to sleep earlier. i always break promises to myself. i know i sound like a complainy whiny ho right now, but i just need to let things out. i really enjoy my life, and it's better than a lot of other peoples. i really don't want to go to school tomorrow. there's too much drama for just eighth grade. people are too fake. but there are some amazing people at my school. and the teachers, holy crap. they're horrible, except for maybe one. well the eighth grade teachers, at least. this year hasn't been so good, and i think last year was better. but our language arts teacher, she's really mean and has an accent, but we don't know what ethnicity she is or anything. she always says "diffuhkit" instead of difficult, "electwissuhtee" instead of electricity, "quayshtuns" instead of questions, "articehs" instead of articles, and stuff like that. she calls us "young peopeh" all the time too. it makes us laugh and it's the only good thing about her class. but everytime she calls on me, she calls on me on an answer i don't know or when i'm not paying attention. im smart, i think. but i think i'm ADD or something because i can't pay attention or focus on anything lately. i switch topics a lot, so expect that throughout this journal. okay, i'm gonna go watch tv and try to sleep now. bye homies