eleven slash thirteen

  • i haven't updated. it's not like anyone reads it anyway. but, yeah. this past weekend was amazing. i went to the movies with krista, kerrie, max and ren. the nightmare before christmas in 3d son, it was hella tight. then we went to the roomstore and did stupid stuff, haha. the workers were looking at us like, wth. then ren went home and we ran to mcdonalds and got mcflurrys, amazing. this is what makes me want to stay in this city. i know that in my head, all this stuff is more than what it really was. in everyone elses head, except maybe krista's, they're like, "oh yeah, that was fun. woo." but we're like "YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY". i don't know. i don't understand myself. i think i just have high hopes of loving this city and the people in it. i want to live up to a certain potential, i want to make my life amazing. i want to live on the edge, as cliche as it is. i want to have fun with amazing people and not care about anything else. i have yet to find the people, except maybe two or three. and maybe some that i haven't realized yet. small city kids dreaming up pretend lives picturing ourselves there, like movies in our minds each day we get closer but we don't realize. we can make it happen but we're too shy scared of rejection, living a lie "i can do it", that's all we ever say but when the time comes we have nothing to convey. we're gonna put it all out there, don't care what they think we're lying to ourselves, every single day. but we're getting closer, and one day it'll happen we'll really do it, it'll be all we imagined. lame lyricist i know. i type it for myself, i have no intentions of people reading it. but this is a public journal, if you read it you read it. that's the problem with us. me. my friends. we want to meet more people. amazing people. that we can call our best friends. we have so many opportunities. we say we're gonna live for jason(my best friend who died, he was exactly how we[well actually i, maybe them too] want to be). but we get so scared. it's not only them, it's me too. i'm so scared of rejection. i'm so scared of talking to people and them not liking me. i hate it. i envy people who can actually go up to someone and say something. i can do it, i've done it before. actually, i've done it a lot. it's just when there's more than one person, and they look intimidating. i don't know. but this journal. it's going to be my promise to myself. I am going to be who I want to be. No fucking joke this time. I'm going to say what I want, do what I want. Haters can suck it. I'm so serious this time. I've said this a lot but now I truly, truly mean it. I swear on everyone I love's name, that I am going to not care. I'm going to be like Jason. I am going to be who I want. Okay sorry. I had to do that. Sooo enough of that subject. Today was okay. Besides my mom throwing away my empty vitamin water bottles. I was trying to get all the colors, and I had atleast 6. and she threw them away. Now I only have two. So, between my last entry and now, I've developed an obsession with vitamin water. It's my favorite drink now. Uh oh I have to eat now. Bye internet.
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