yay ive felt god for so long
its the pagent tonght!!!!
i really think im better this time
plus i got my knife back!!!
love you all
whover you are
wherever you are
today was the best bludge day. 5 lessons of martial arts, food and japanese film clips
yeah it was a language day BLUDGE!!!!
then i had sose n art, does anyone ever do work in those subjects????
but on a slightly sour note
my stalker stole my knife and he put me on a 'good behavoiur bond'
i mean Fuck, thats stupid
i have to
not beg for knife
not cry
not be unfriendly
like him
cant change the stupid motherfuking bond
cant slap
cant cut
cant hit
cant hit him
cant kick him
no cutting him
no stabbing him
no swearing, SHIT, thats impossible
no blasphemy (and im the christian????)
no suicide attempts.
what was he thinking, trying to make my life hell or wat, plus stupid stalker has a flick knife in his bag
fucking hypocrite
but my friend gave me a new one, she said i shouldnt listen to him
(she doesnt no i cut)
and then i was playing nervous with some dickhead (stupid game that) and now he thinks theres something
it was just a game
is it my fault i dont get nervous?????
but its sterling pageant on Fri
yay!!!!
hot guys!!!
were getting a rebound guy for my friend(dont know if ive already said that), YAY will be fun
tolly do have a nice day
thanks TriggerHappyJim for your interesting argument, tho it wasnt to argumentative coz i agree
hmmm
anyway back to schoolwork,
as if id do that when i could be writing random carp on here
good bye god luck
let the sun shine
oh, god im so bored
i had the wierdest dream last night, something about my church being the new auschwitz and my creepy stalker ex being hitler, it was wierd. i remember piles of fur coats and big wooly jumpers to and cotton dresses for little girls. i said it was weird.
i hate the fact that actually im good at writing but on here, it comes out bad, no where near as eloquently as in my head, jsut whiny and spoilt. its silly.
i think im past the point of feeling,
i have achieved numbness
a feeing of nothing
but existence
god, 3 entries in one day
i must be bored
someone send me interesting philosophical arguments,
thetoothfairyismyuncle@hotmail.com
i hate boredom,
i love smashing pumkins,
crazy music
crazy love
love you
'although we have no obligation
to stay alive
on broken backs
we beg for mercy
we will survive'
behind closed doors and if u dont no who its by im worried , lol
its so true, its not that i wanna die
some of the time i do
but more often than not is just that i want to
cease to exist
to stop being myself
to be a completely different person
its stupid coz the only way i can think to do that is to kill myself
but then id only be in heaven or wherever we go,
id still be me
so i just hang on,
grasping onto life and
looking for beauty
i found some this morning,
in church,
there were only about 20 of us
but the sound of the singing was beautiful,
so bare and passionate and you could tell everyone belieed it
good old fashioned hyms,
not stupid hillsong stuff(sorry if u like it, but no reads these so wat does it matter)
it was so beautiful
n i count help thinking
this is why i stick around
go darren hanlon!!!! i love that song
ive just had the mst awesome day in like forever.....
it was soooo good i got 100% in my indonesian oral exam WOOT im soo pleased about it
plus i didnt cut n there was some other reason but i cant remember it
and im inlove!!!!!
lets call him HABIB (not his real name but, it sounds cool
he is soo hot, well i think so
he has really nice olive skin, black hair and is cuddly, (i love squishy guys!!!)
but the best thing is he has this wicked smile that lights up his whole face n hes really nice i was freezing at school (ok it was 25c) but i thought it was cold n he just comes up an puts his arm around me to warm me up. hes also a gun at volley ball YAY!!! i love volleyball
but really sad my friend left to go to darwin today :( its only for a year but im gonna miss him soooo much n hes having a party tonight but mum wont let me go (sobs)
oh well
the beatles got it right
LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED
Yesterday had to be the shittest day of my life, it started out so well then…..
I don’t know what happened one minute I was fine the next I couldn’t move at all I was so sad, true.
I never cry but I sat at lunch and cried for the rest of the day.
And the worst thing was every one kept on asking about whats wrong but how do you explain that everything is shit and you just want to die????
And to top it off I broke my two week record n now one of my friends isn’t talking to me because he says he knows to many people who’ve killed themselves and he couldn’t stand it if one day I cut too deep.
Im so sick of all this fucking shit
i fuckign hate school, get to spend my time looking at stupid fucking toilets and shit. i hate it, my life, my school, my friends myself, especiallly myself. i hate myself, im so disgusting and ewwww. stupid fucking stalker is sitting behind me n is a fricking pain in the ass, i hate him i think i should just die or else go n be a hermit so noone has to put up with me.
and i thought i was better, thats such a fucking joke
tho, my only good thing is i still havent cut in 2 weeks,
self control or mybe its just that im not alone ebnough
i want too
maybe i will
ive got all lunch in minute
Just when I thought id got the hang of this happiness thing I got home n my mum starts yelling at me because I keep getting low marks just coz I wanna do things my way. Shes all like you have to be a conformist at school because they only mark you on the requirements, im like wtf? I thought we were supposed to be encouraging individuality???????
Then she started going on about how she ‘worries’ for people who r into self mutilation and who have this cycle of depression. I was laughing my ass off by that time coz shes saying all this shit but she doesn’t look at her daughter whos a cutter. Its like they only worry abut bringing up my brothers and they think im a normal teenager, sure ‘average teenagers’ slice themselves up all the time.
