every move i make is crucial to communicating my future i sometimes wonder who controls my destiny is it cliche to say me or just a lie because i don't really believe it if i could control my destiny i wouldn't be another blue collared programmed bitch i'd be feeling zero gravity and catching rides with the whales in the sky i'd be in deep space, far from life as i know escaping a problem does not qualify as a solution but at this point this is my only resolution people destroy people people destroy me but i will stop being a victim i will stop being their victim i will stop being your victim as i set myself free

people leave and new ones come in it's the way of life and easy to adapt to keep the strings unraveled so they're easier to cut and even when you leave you're still there and when you come back it feels like you've never left and everytime i see you my heart pumps heroine through my body i hit an impowering high that'll never be understood with words but if you come a little closer i think you'll see where i'm coming from taking this step is something i think about before i sleep for hours upon hours meticulously planning every breath before i speak and even if we don't end up together, i'm glad i finally found someone who i'll forever remember, even if you were a self consumed asshole

why is it so difficult to feel happy an emotion so effortless that it becomes difficult i know i'm fortunate and i have alot to be thankful for but it's never enough. i think i just hit a slump...with you, with myself and mostly with life.

i love those awkward almost-stares where we can't quite bring ourselfs to look at each other but once we finally feel the strength to steal a glimpse we find one another staring at each other. and in that tiniest fraction of a moment our hearts race a beat faster and our feet slightly lift off the ground and we hit that nirvana... where nothing matters except each other. every single body part is intensified and i think about every wonderful moment we could spend together creating history and forgetting the past. then i remember to throw my head down and erase every wonderful memory that could've been because i know it won't and i remember that i am nothing but a meaningless top shelf you can't quite reach. i wish i had better self confidence.. i know that forgetting you is probably the nicest thing i could do for myself but i feel some sort of struggle trying to forget a boy (SO CLICHE) who has no emotion feelings for me(again SO CLICHE) and actually i have no emotion feelings for the being you are but more so the idea of who you are and what you represent and it's very shallow and degrading towards myself to continue this.

DO I FUCKING CARE. you are nothing to me. you are nothing to me. you are nothing to me. you are nothing to me. you are nothing to me you are nothing. you are nothing. i have these breakthrough moments where i'm like "who the fuck cares" and i feel myself again. but you always bombard into my moment and steal my light. and once again all of the attention is back on you again. i feel like i should charge you for occupying my mind for so long. -i'm thoughtlessly dedicating this all to you, if only you knew.

i'm destroying myself, actually i'm allowing you to destroy me. but the moments feel so right, and i'm lying to myself for you. could this be more pathetic. i see right through you bluff, but i still go along with it. for what? i question myself. to feel passion? or is it because you have a title behind your name that is alluring. does this make me superficial yeah. it does and therefore i will suffer. i'm a pawn in you life and i will suffer for allowing this to unravel. life's easier when less people love you anyways, thanks for allowing me to keep my expectations low.

it's quite impressive how it all comes thundering down you can sit there and observe it all but you are held powerless it's life the faster people realize that the less suffering they'll endure

it's beyond all of us it's bleak and beautiful and tragic infact the impact left me inexact indecision manifests in my precision disabling my sentinel drop your luggage and unpack maybe i'll prepare for the black abyss you'll transfix in the center of my back WE ARE ALL SUPERFICIAL BEINGS WHO SHOULD SUFFER!

it's all a blur. a quick, colorless, possibly-exciting blur.