bad week followed by many good you refuse to communicate with me anymore faking it was never an option but i never give anyone the chance to be an option calling it quits almost before it starts time's still tick-tocking away and i refuse to waste those precious little nanoseconds on someone who refuses to consider me. but i truly am sorry you're beautiful in every form and it does crumble me to know that you cannot meet me halfway and just be my friend it's quite confusing but understandable love is in all shapes and eventually most will pass ~~~~ SUMMER HAS ARRIVED! quiet breezes on sunny evenings rays pounding, marking their power on my skin loss of responisiblities more time for nothing and i love nothing can't wait to explore this summer, great things have already happened... no expectations but i do have a sense of things to come;)

:) i don't want to over think this i don't want to smother you i can't stop thinking about you i refuse to stop talking to you i promise to make no expectations too many bodies and no person

enchanting days like these... slow but not overbearing, airy and soft, completely polar. i'm too awake for the sun to be asleep. and i'm laying the opposite way in my bed, with my feet tapping against my headboard. another day i will never remember. but that's not bad, because today wasn't bad. and it wasn't quite familar but enough so to be an acquitance.

i am completely vacant in all aspects

the breeze gently ripples the surface of our lake you pedal quicker than me and we both laugh in a polite manner you ring me late and we speak for hours and i still don't quite comprehend your powers you knock me off with a single glance and decombust my brains your arms rest around my waist and i feel my heart beat so strong, sending waves to my finger tips. freckles dance along the bridge of your nose and for the first time my eyes are able to hold onto yours no blink able to tear them apart eternity passes, smiles fall and we gather our things in a pile we're almost back to reality when you turn to me you sigh and throw me off guard. "the sun does shine brighter than it used to. this is true, and as the moon i feel you have no clue. you're hidden so deep. i feel it impossible for this love to keep. this chapter will close, but this is not the end. for i shall dream of your rays in my sleep." i let you walk away, and we parted ways. my feet unable to maintain a pace. my body exploded into painful shrieks and i slept in my unmoved car for a week. and although you've let me gone. i'm i grandfather clock, forever beckoning for you to return. i'll strike twelve and frown at your lack of presence then continue to tock away until forever. only you can fill the void of this heart so forgotten other men are not you for this organ they do not rightfully possess. and as the days sadly pass my memory strengthens unable to forget and even after the day i pass as my body lies still under the earth no man will control me as you and in an afterworld unknown i will wait and continue to live for you and only you. a love so strong it makes me weak.

LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE my weekends consist of the same shit i can't even differentiate one incomparison to the other. they've all been relatively fun and eventful. i wish i could handle my friends instead of dedicating all of my time to one at an individual time. and i'm also annoyed with the nonexsistence of my relationship status. i seriously suck at maintaining relationships. i wish i wouldn't roam so much and question everything because its biting me in the asssssss.

i love sleep i love thinking about sleep i love imagining the next moment i'll be able to sleep i fall asleep thinking about sleep and i wake up wondering when i'll be able to sleep next i just fucking LOVE sleep. sometimes i can't answer my phone, even though i really want to talk to you. and i never approach people due to my inability to muster the courage. rarely do i step out of my perimeter. i enjoy the presence of strangers more so than of my friends. infact, i actually can't stand the people i surround myself with. my mother is my only real friend. i only hangout with people because i feel like i have too. if i do sit alone on the weekend it's look badly upon and creates tension i don't feel like dealing with. i'm quite fond of myself, with good reason too ( or atleast that's what i believe). i feel like i'm a rare species of human that doesn't quite get any kindof label because noone really ever gets to know me. contrastedly i know that's i'm absolutely noone and everyone is just like me, or vice versa. which leads me into never being able to commit. whenever i fill out tests ( that consist of; Circle one of the following depending how you feel about that situation. Always, sometimes, rarely, never) i can never choose one. i'm completely indecisive. the worst part is that these incomplex sentences don't even desribe me, yet i don't believe they were a waste of time. i have yet to hit the backspace key on any of these sentences, which keeps me content like i'm winging this. but how do you wing who you are? aren't we always just playing a part. and i purposely did not include a question mark on that last question because it is infact rhetorical.. oh and spelling does is not a paragon for one's intelligence. i like people who have intriguing personalities. people who i have yet to met or encounter. i hate when i use the word hate because i don't really mean it so why even say it. and it does disgust me how people these days say things they never mean.. which makes me a hyprocrite.. which is exactly what i am. oh pennstate just won. stellar but none the less... these pathetic sentences i've contrived are completely pointless because i feel as though they only sometimes apply to me. ~sensational.

how many people watch their lives pass allow others to create their present and control their future and i wonder to anyone who will listen and even those who don't how? i think that emotion makes one powerful and weakness is a sign of a nonalien presence so why hid behind others who surround you and adapt to the ones who intimidate you fuck them but mostly fuck yourself for being a pussy who in the end deserves the pathetic, plateau of a life you've created for yourself.

(BLAAAAAANK)

as the days pass our past slowly becomes forgotten for the better i'd say completely forget every intimate moment we shared because they never meant anything and the still don't mean anything and as the seconds tick away you become farther away a distant encounter lost in the sea of irrelevant events i feel most at home when i'm all alone i like sad movies with cynical endings my music makes me weep but in a good way because i like being sad it has become my new inhabitant and my new bestfriend