Today. Will be, in one word, epic. I'm going to an Obama ralley! Yesyesyesyes! There's supposed to be close to 40,000 people there. He goes on at 2:30, but I have to work, so I'm leaving early and trying to get there around 1, but I'll still probably have to wait in line for like, an hour. But I don't care. I don't care if I have to stand outside the venue, in the rain (it's rainy here today), with creepy homeless people - I'm going to hear Barack Obama speak live! Oh, happy day. I'll write later to let you know how it goes.

Aww. You know, sometimes I just really love people. Sometimes people just do the cutest things, or the nicest things. I just had the greatest day of little things. You know what I mean? When just a bunch of little things happen that all build together to make you happy. I'll describe three little things that happened to me today, and why they were so...special, I guess. 1) I stopped as a gas station with my friend on the way to school this morning to get a coffee. (Well, she got an Icee, but that's besides the point.) For some reason, we both were wearing yellow dresses, but it was just a conincidence. Besides that, my friend and I look nothing alike. She's 5'3, I'm 5'10. She's rather pale, and I get mistaken for Hispanic. I have short dark hair and she has long, almost blonde hair. She wears glasses, and I, well, don't. But while we were in line to buy our respective drinks, this guy tapped her on the arm. She turned around (as did I, to see what he wanted) and he said in this amazingly beautiful African accent, "I have never seen twins this early in the morning before." She laughed, as did he and I. It kind of seems lame, but it was just really cute. He was obviously joking, just ribbing us for apparently matching our clothing, but it really was a cute, observant joke. And his accent was very pretty, rather lilting and unaffected. 2) I'm in an advanced drama class (don't laugh), and it's rather small; just thirteen kids. We're all very close, having gone through at least two years of drama together, being in plays, musicals, and drama club. The class, then, is very lax. Our teacher knows us all very well, because she's the only drama teacher at our school, and we're all so involved in the program. We were all just sitting around, working on our portfolios for a play we're creating, and the teacher was sitting around, painting some scenery. I was sitting with my feet on my friends lap, actually working on a play poster. My teacher got up and went into her office, and we heard the sound of her opening something. She came out of her office and said, "Hey, guys, I thought this bag of chips was individual chips, and I was going to have one...but it's not, it's an entire bag. Would you like to have them? They'll just go bad anyway." So we all dropped our projects (there was only like ten minutes left of class anyway), sat around in a circle, ate potato chips, and talked about funny musical songs. (The first one that came to my mind was Avenue Q's "Everyone's A Little Bit Racist") It was a very simple experience, but also rather poignant. These were people that have, in a way, shaped who I am. They have helped me gain so much confidence and have helped me develop my talent as an actress. And here we were, just hanging around, eating chips, and talking about something very silly. For some reason, I just think I'll remember it for a long time. 3) I went to a cross-country track meet with my friend, which is (in case you don't know) when a bunch of schools get together at one school and race. They had about fifteen schools there, boys and girls JV and Varsity. My friend and I were walking around, admiring the guys. They were all very fit, as you can imagine, and many of them were actually very cute, and they were all wearing short-shorts (a secret like of mine). Then we saw this dog, and he was really adorable, but he looked kind of needy, for some reason. He was looking around like he wished someone would pet him, or something. So we started pretending we were him, and what we would say. So while we were doing this, we happened to pass by these VERY good-looking guys. They were just hanging around my the risers, stretching. So I was "talking" as the dog, and I said, "You...think I'm cute? You think I'm pretty? No one's every called me pretty before!" And one of the hot guys stopped stretching, looked at me and yelled, "You're pretty!" I mean, this one is pretty obvious why it was a nice experience. But then I thought, wait. When was the last time a guy called me pretty instead of hot? True, if he had called me hot it wouldn't have fit in with the joke, but it was still nice. I mean, he didn't have to say that, you know? But he did. Point of this? Well, for one, it allowed me to reflect on my rather special day (which also included a pep rally, getting one of my guy friends to trust me enough to tell me what was bugging him, and making a new (gay! hahah) friend). But it was also for a kind of message: sure, the world can kind of suck. But it doesn't really take a lot to make it better. Try to be like one of these people; the guy in the gas station, my teacher and fellow drama students, the cross-country runner. They didn't have to say or do anything, but they did. And it made my life just that little bit better.

My friend...is being so irritating. She likes this guy, and he parks next to me in the parking lot. So she comes to hang out on my car and stare at him in the morning and in the afternoon, AND stares at him in the hallways, but WILL NOT talk to him! Like, not even hi. And every day, she's like, "Oh, today I'll talk to him." But she never has! And it's just so frustrating. He knows she likes him, because mutual friends have told him so, but she still won't even say hi! And I'm like, look, he's going to think you are a creepy stalker, ok? But still. Nothing. It's so frustrating. But like, that guy I'm trying to get over, that's exactly what I did. He knew who I was, and I knew who he was, and we both thought the other was attractive and both knew it. So when I saw him at a concert (we kinda both went to meet each other) I just walked up and was like, "Hi," and from there we had a nice conversation. That's how to do it, right? But she doesn't seem to realize that/refuses to put herself out there. I think that's the problem. She's afraid of rejection. But you're never going to get anywhere if you act like that, you know? It's not like he's going to be repulsed at her trying to talk to him - she's a good-looking girl and any guy would be lucky to talk to her. I tell her to keep that in mind but...ugh. Very frustrating, as you can see/read.

Thank you. Thank you! That guy? Yes, I am definately over him. Nothing specific happened, no definate words or actions were done. I just realized: wait, he's a douche bag. Thank you, reason, for finally intervening. I do...have a new crush. It's nice. He's cute, he's smart, he sits next to me in history and does stupid stuff to get my attention. It's very high school. I love it. But, yeah, so, I've been talking to my ex lately, and I have this weird feeling he likes me. I hope not, that would just be awkward. I mean, I like him but I don't know...to what extent, in what way. Ugh, I don't KNOWW. ...wow. Oh man. Just as I was typing this, I checked my Myspace, and guess who messaged me? Yeah, the guy I just had a crush on and got over. He's like, "Hey, I miss talking to you." Like, what even? Wow. That is...pretty bad timing. But you know what? He's best friends with my ex! This is just getting strange...maybe he heard I was talking to my ex a lot? And he's not happy about it?...hm. I don't knowwww. Gosh! I frustrate myself. Don'tgiveindon'tgiveindon'tgivein...

I'm feeling a little better. Things are testy between my friend and I, but we're at least talking. As for the guy, well, that girl didn't work out (shockerr), and apparently he DOES like me. And what frustrates me is that I still like him, even after he hurt my feelings so bad. Consolingly, I know every teenage girl has been through a similar situation, so... I went to see a play last night. It wasn't very good, but there was a very attractive guy who sat in front of me. He held the door for me and was staring at me, so I smiled at him. Then my friend introduced us (she knew him) and he said, "Oh, yes, the girl I held the door open for who smiled at me." Then he smiled back. But I didn't get a chance to flirt with him very much, though it was nice to find another cute guy, hahah. Plus, my friend does know him, so there's a chance I'll see him again. I downloaded Conor Oberst's solo CD and Minus The Bear's new CD, "Plant Of Ice". Both are excellent, if you want to take a listen.

So, yeah, I basically passed the worst two days of my life, ironically so because yesterday morning I woke up in a stellar mood. But then I failed a chemistry test. Then my best friend randomly got mad at me (again) and gave me the silent treatment. Then I find out my crush got a new girlfriend after JUST breaking up with his old one. Then, next day (today), my brother gets in a screaming match with my mother. Then, I go to work, the cook and my boss get in a screaming match (in Chinese, which is even scarier). Then, me and my dad get in a screaming match. Then, I forget to do my math homework, so I was just doing it for two hours instead of hanging out with my friend like I'd planned to. Three of any of these things is enough to make me sufficiently upset, but one on top of the other made me want to tear my hair out. As it was, I basically called my best friend (the one that isn't pissed at me FOR SOME REASON I DON'T KNOW) and as soon as heard her say hello, I broke down and just started bawling. I cried like I hadn't cried in years. I hardly ever cry; I remember reading "A Little Princess" when I was eight and remember Sara saying that crying doesn't solve anything - I took that to heart. It takes a lot to make me really bawl like I did. I was coherant for about ten minutes, and as soon as I could I just spilled everything to her. It took me like fifteen minutes, as a few things have built up besides the shit in the past two days. (My parents constantly fighting and threatening to seperate; worrying about gas money and college money; wayyyy too much school- and home-work; working when I'd rather be sleeping in) And as soon as I thought I was done and she'd say something comforting, I'd just start bawling anew. It was quite disgusting, actually; I was outside and snot was dripping from my nose, and as I hadn't a tissue, I wiped it on my jeans. (In retrospect, rather humorous.) I eventually calmed down and she kept on reassuring me. Our conversation took a more philosophical turn; the value of a good friend. Because I've really just begun to realize how lucky I am, that when I was at my lowest, this comfort, this joy of my best friend was just a phone call away. I am so lucky to have her, and so greatful to have her. I hope I never take her for granted the way I sometimes feel taken for granted. I am blessed that I can call this person my best friend. End rant.

I deleted my last entry because it was fucking wrong, fucking wrong, fucking wrong. And re-reading it made me feel like a real idiot.

School...starts on Monday. I'm a little excited, just because I miss socializing on a regular basis, but I'm also seriously irked at a few of my friends, so it's promising to be a tension-filled first couple of days. On the bright side, I have a demanding schedule (AP U.S. history, AP Psychology, AP Lang, chem, pre-cal, Theory of Knowledge, French III, and IB Theatre) and a new fuck-them-all attitude (cheery, thanks) to help me through. Pennsylvania was amazing. I miss the cool, thin air and the silent beauty of the lake. It's way too hot and humid in Florida, and nothing about the crashing of waves at the beach is relaxing to me. I visited a college called Haverford, outside of Philly, and it was amazing. If I get in, and if I get enough financial aid, I think that's the college I will actually be attending. So that's nice. I just wish I didn't have to wait two years to go back.

I am now officially licensed to drive in the state of Florida, and it is quite glorious. Three friends and I drove around last night, blasting a mix CD, and went to go see Batman. Which, in my opinion, lives up to the hype, in case you were wondering. So I'm going to Pennsylvania Friday night to stay for a week on vacation. It sounds nice. I need a vacation. I've been worrying about paying for gas and such, and I basically just need a break from my thoughts, really. Actually, I think I just need to get out of the house and do typical teenager things. Buy clothes, go to parties, get drunk, kiss boys. Etc., etc. Stop reading so much existentialist literature and Dostoyevsky. I need mindless entertainment, stat.

I downloaded Forever The Sickest Kids' album Underdog Alma Mater. I remember getting their EP quite a while ago, and I've been a moderate fan since then, but this new CD is quite good. I like the remixes of their older songs, but my favorite off of the CD is "Catastrophe". So I'm 16 now, but I don't feel much different. I had a pleasant birthday, but I'm more looking forward to the party I'm throwing with two friends who have birthdays close to mine. It's on Sunday, and around fifty people are set to come, so that should be really fun. Plus, it's a dance party and I have obnoxious French techno on the playlist, so it should be a winner. And I get my license in three days! :] To celebrate, me and two friends are going to a coffee shop and then to go see Batman. Because, well, you know.