Ah yesterday was the shit! I spent the afternoon, after school, with my friend. All we did was hang around this nice part of town to get dinner then take random Myspace pictures, hahah. We ran into this guy we both know vaguely because he is our other best friend's best friend...yeah, that got really confusing. But we hung out with him for a while before going to her house and watching Silence Of The Lambs. But yeah, life has been going really good for me lately, actually. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact I can drive - I've been hanging out a ton with my friends and just generally enjoying a greater sense of freedom. But also I've just generally become more social. I think a lot of it has to do with my altered self-perception. I know it sounds substantially shallow, but I lost ten pounds over the summer, cut my hair into a really nice, easy-to-manage style, and bought myself some nice clothes, and I think the slight transformation has boosted my self-esteem, which in turn boosted my social behavior. Plus, it's kind of like a domino effect. One I realized people actually like me, I made one friend, which helped me make two, which helped me make three. But really lately I've been making a lot of guy friends, which is really weird for me. I've never really had any close guy friends before, but suddenly I have like, five. I'm not sure if this is because of my better social skills or what, but I have the feeling that because I feel better about myself, I'm able better to actually socialize with the opposite sex. It's nice, because before when I made a guy friend, or even just aquantaince, it was like, "Would I be able to go out with this guy?" But now it's more like, I can just enjoy being his friend, and as a result, he likes me more. And him liking me more gives me confidence to make more guy friends...etc, etc. Idk, I've just been having really good days, as you can read. Plus, Mr. I'm-trying-to-get-over-him-but-not-really has been messaging me. I sense a fun fling in the making. :]

Another good day! This is officially classified as just a good week. First period, second period, rather boring. Third period, I ate Chex Mix, which is always a good thing, so that wasn't so bad. Lunch, we all got in a boob fight...including the gay boys...they thought it was rather funny. But they do not have boobs. So. Then AP Psychhh...guess who's in my classss...hahah. I'm quite lame, I realize. It was fun, he sat in front of my friend and me and chatted. He has a perpetually itchy back, apparently, he always wants it scratched? Hahah. He and I have been commenting back and forth since...Tuesday, I guess it is. He actually brought our comments up in conversation, too. It was pretty funny. Awww. Yay.

Today was another good day. I've just been having swell days lately, I guess. My class were all easy and we meditated in my Theory of Knowledge class, which was kinda cool. Lunch was the best, as usual. My friends stole my lemon cake and passed it around like it was a joint. Then I didn't have any homework, so I hung out with my friend at her house. It was really fun, though we didn't do much. We just bummed around Myspace and smoked hookah. I flirted with this cute Filipino guy from my Psych class via comments, very lame, I knowww. Ahh so wireddd too much tobaccooo.

Mm. Today was a good day, for no reason. I was just in a stellar mood. I began the day by getting a smoothie with my friend. Then I got the rest of my grades for my progress report: all A's with one B and one C (the last of which is easy to bring up to an A.) Then drama club...idk, it's usually fun, but it's so poorly run that it's very aggravating. But I just goofed off with my friends whenever possible. I sat in my buddy's lap and he kept biting my knuckles and hugging me around my waist. (I love that kid, he's like my little brother, just bigger than me, hahah.) And my best friend and I sang a lovely melody of Avenue Q songs...then we went and got a smoothie after drama club, hahah. But man. History, I sit next to my crush? Yeah, today the teacher had us do a worksheet in pairs - by who you sat next to. So we pushed our desks together; i.e., i was very close to him. Our "thing", if you will, is that we're constantly arguing and making snide remarks - very high school flirtation, I know. But he actually said some really cute things, too. The worksheet was easy and we had a ton of time, so we messed around a little. His eyes are really dark, and he has really long eyelashes, and really strong bones in his face, and his complexion...idk, I've heard the adjective "swarthy", and that seems to fit him. Oh dear. He is quite attractive. He would lean over my desk to read the worksheet (as it was on my desk) and our shoulders would touch and he wouldn't move to make them "un-touch". And our knees would meet under the desks and neither of us would move. Whenever I laughed, he did, and one time I giggled and put my hands over my face (this weird habit I have), and when I looked up he was looking at me with the cutest smile... Man. I sound like such a blathering teenage girl. Hahah. Oh, well. But in a way, this is nice. I feel like I'm kind of finally having the "teenage" experience. I'm kind of dabbling with different guys, making new friends, hanging out a lot, driving around, drinking, smoking, going to concerts and parties, etc. I finally feel like I'm actually having fun instead of having this ho-hum existence of work/school/family. I am enjoying this.

Ahem. Yesterdayyy. Ok, well, I showed up downtown around 1:30, and I sat in traffic for about thirty minutes. I finally got a parking space in a lot where some homeless guy was making people pay him to park there, but I didn't really care. I had about a twenty minute walk, so I jogged half. I bought a tee-shirt and put it on. Then all the sudden some fat po-po was like, "They've closed the park, turn back." I turned to the tattooed guy who I'd been chatting up next to me (rather cute, though probably like, ten years older than me, hahah) and I was like, "I'm not turning back." He agreed, so we continued walking, as did most of the people. Sure enough, the gates to the park were closed, so everyone grabbed seats outside the park. I was right up against the fence, right in front of a speaker, so I could hear perfectly. But there was NO way we would be able to see Obama, because there's this hill between the fence and the huge park that he would be speaking in front of (the only hill in Florida, of course). So that kind of sucked. We all sat around, listened to bad campaign music and the various bigwigs of Florida, and just...waited. There was all this tension in the air. I was looking around at the people around me; teenagers like myself, old men and women who could barely stand up but were, young kids whose parents wanted them to be there, husbands and wives, holding hands, black, white, Hispanic, Asian - it was pretty amazing. There was this lady standing next to me who was like, "I haven't voted since Bill." And I was like, "I still can't vote." She laughed. We both agreed we would probably start crying when Barack came on. Ok. I didn't think I'd be too overly affected, which sucked, because I couldn't actually SEE him. But when the person who introduced him said, "And here he is - my future president - Barack Obama!" and he was like, "Hello, everyone!" I just started crying! I could not control myself! It was actually quite comical - I didn't stop crying the entire time. Nothing he said was something I hadn't heard him say before, but just hearing him and knowing he was so close was so amazing. He was actually quite funny, more so than I'd remembered. But it was so awe-inspiring to be surrounded by people who were so moved, people who haven't wanted to vote in years, of all different ages and races. People around me were crying, and laughing, and clapping - and we couldn't even see him. But let me drive this point home. The park he was speaking at can hold thirty-five thousand people. 35,000, and IT WAS FULL. Not only that, but there were eight thousand people OUTSIDE the park! That's 43,000 people! Afterwards me and the tattooed guy were talking again, and he likened it to Woodstock, in the regard later on people would ask, "Where you there?" I'm not sure it's quite the same thing, because Woodstock was just one occasion, and Obama gives a lot of speeches. But he said, "No, no, I mean...people are going to ask US, where you there when you couldn't even fit inside the venue for one of Obama's speeches?" And he's right. I can't think of many people who can draw enough people to fill the venue, and then be so enigmatic that people will stand outside the venue to hear him speak. I fully believe it was a historical moment. And I was there!

Today. Will be, in one word, epic. I'm going to an Obama ralley! Yesyesyesyes! There's supposed to be close to 40,000 people there. He goes on at 2:30, but I have to work, so I'm leaving early and trying to get there around 1, but I'll still probably have to wait in line for like, an hour. But I don't care. I don't care if I have to stand outside the venue, in the rain (it's rainy here today), with creepy homeless people - I'm going to hear Barack Obama speak live! Oh, happy day. I'll write later to let you know how it goes.

Aww. You know, sometimes I just really love people. Sometimes people just do the cutest things, or the nicest things. I just had the greatest day of little things. You know what I mean? When just a bunch of little things happen that all build together to make you happy. I'll describe three little things that happened to me today, and why they were so...special, I guess. 1) I stopped as a gas station with my friend on the way to school this morning to get a coffee. (Well, she got an Icee, but that's besides the point.) For some reason, we both were wearing yellow dresses, but it was just a conincidence. Besides that, my friend and I look nothing alike. She's 5'3, I'm 5'10. She's rather pale, and I get mistaken for Hispanic. I have short dark hair and she has long, almost blonde hair. She wears glasses, and I, well, don't. But while we were in line to buy our respective drinks, this guy tapped her on the arm. She turned around (as did I, to see what he wanted) and he said in this amazingly beautiful African accent, "I have never seen twins this early in the morning before." She laughed, as did he and I. It kind of seems lame, but it was just really cute. He was obviously joking, just ribbing us for apparently matching our clothing, but it really was a cute, observant joke. And his accent was very pretty, rather lilting and unaffected. 2) I'm in an advanced drama class (don't laugh), and it's rather small; just thirteen kids. We're all very close, having gone through at least two years of drama together, being in plays, musicals, and drama club. The class, then, is very lax. Our teacher knows us all very well, because she's the only drama teacher at our school, and we're all so involved in the program. We were all just sitting around, working on our portfolios for a play we're creating, and the teacher was sitting around, painting some scenery. I was sitting with my feet on my friends lap, actually working on a play poster. My teacher got up and went into her office, and we heard the sound of her opening something. She came out of her office and said, "Hey, guys, I thought this bag of chips was individual chips, and I was going to have one...but it's not, it's an entire bag. Would you like to have them? They'll just go bad anyway." So we all dropped our projects (there was only like ten minutes left of class anyway), sat around in a circle, ate potato chips, and talked about funny musical songs. (The first one that came to my mind was Avenue Q's "Everyone's A Little Bit Racist") It was a very simple experience, but also rather poignant. These were people that have, in a way, shaped who I am. They have helped me gain so much confidence and have helped me develop my talent as an actress. And here we were, just hanging around, eating chips, and talking about something very silly. For some reason, I just think I'll remember it for a long time. 3) I went to a cross-country track meet with my friend, which is (in case you don't know) when a bunch of schools get together at one school and race. They had about fifteen schools there, boys and girls JV and Varsity. My friend and I were walking around, admiring the guys. They were all very fit, as you can imagine, and many of them were actually very cute, and they were all wearing short-shorts (a secret like of mine). Then we saw this dog, and he was really adorable, but he looked kind of needy, for some reason. He was looking around like he wished someone would pet him, or something. So we started pretending we were him, and what we would say. So while we were doing this, we happened to pass by these VERY good-looking guys. They were just hanging around my the risers, stretching. So I was "talking" as the dog, and I said, "You...think I'm cute? You think I'm pretty? No one's every called me pretty before!" And one of the hot guys stopped stretching, looked at me and yelled, "You're pretty!" I mean, this one is pretty obvious why it was a nice experience. But then I thought, wait. When was the last time a guy called me pretty instead of hot? True, if he had called me hot it wouldn't have fit in with the joke, but it was still nice. I mean, he didn't have to say that, you know? But he did. Point of this? Well, for one, it allowed me to reflect on my rather special day (which also included a pep rally, getting one of my guy friends to trust me enough to tell me what was bugging him, and making a new (gay! hahah) friend). But it was also for a kind of message: sure, the world can kind of suck. But it doesn't really take a lot to make it better. Try to be like one of these people; the guy in the gas station, my teacher and fellow drama students, the cross-country runner. They didn't have to say or do anything, but they did. And it made my life just that little bit better.

My friend...is being so irritating. She likes this guy, and he parks next to me in the parking lot. So she comes to hang out on my car and stare at him in the morning and in the afternoon, AND stares at him in the hallways, but WILL NOT talk to him! Like, not even hi. And every day, she's like, "Oh, today I'll talk to him." But she never has! And it's just so frustrating. He knows she likes him, because mutual friends have told him so, but she still won't even say hi! And I'm like, look, he's going to think you are a creepy stalker, ok? But still. Nothing. It's so frustrating. But like, that guy I'm trying to get over, that's exactly what I did. He knew who I was, and I knew who he was, and we both thought the other was attractive and both knew it. So when I saw him at a concert (we kinda both went to meet each other) I just walked up and was like, "Hi," and from there we had a nice conversation. That's how to do it, right? But she doesn't seem to realize that/refuses to put herself out there. I think that's the problem. She's afraid of rejection. But you're never going to get anywhere if you act like that, you know? It's not like he's going to be repulsed at her trying to talk to him - she's a good-looking girl and any guy would be lucky to talk to her. I tell her to keep that in mind but...ugh. Very frustrating, as you can see/read.

Thank you. Thank you! That guy? Yes, I am definately over him. Nothing specific happened, no definate words or actions were done. I just realized: wait, he's a douche bag. Thank you, reason, for finally intervening. I do...have a new crush. It's nice. He's cute, he's smart, he sits next to me in history and does stupid stuff to get my attention. It's very high school. I love it. But, yeah, so, I've been talking to my ex lately, and I have this weird feeling he likes me. I hope not, that would just be awkward. I mean, I like him but I don't know...to what extent, in what way. Ugh, I don't KNOWW. ...wow. Oh man. Just as I was typing this, I checked my Myspace, and guess who messaged me? Yeah, the guy I just had a crush on and got over. He's like, "Hey, I miss talking to you." Like, what even? Wow. That is...pretty bad timing. But you know what? He's best friends with my ex! This is just getting strange...maybe he heard I was talking to my ex a lot? And he's not happy about it?...hm. I don't knowwww. Gosh! I frustrate myself. Don'tgiveindon'tgiveindon'tgivein...

I'm feeling a little better. Things are testy between my friend and I, but we're at least talking. As for the guy, well, that girl didn't work out (shockerr), and apparently he DOES like me. And what frustrates me is that I still like him, even after he hurt my feelings so bad. Consolingly, I know every teenage girl has been through a similar situation, so... I went to see a play last night. It wasn't very good, but there was a very attractive guy who sat in front of me. He held the door for me and was staring at me, so I smiled at him. Then my friend introduced us (she knew him) and he said, "Oh, yes, the girl I held the door open for who smiled at me." Then he smiled back. But I didn't get a chance to flirt with him very much, though it was nice to find another cute guy, hahah. Plus, my friend does know him, so there's a chance I'll see him again. I downloaded Conor Oberst's solo CD and Minus The Bear's new CD, "Plant Of Ice". Both are excellent, if you want to take a listen.