I'm not really sure why I'm writing tonight. He's at a show, so he won't be back until later tonight. No,no, he doesn't call them shows. He calls them "concerts". To me, the word "concert" is just kind of ugly. I mean, seriously, when I hear the word "con" I always think of a con-artist or pro's and "con"'s. 'Con' just kind of has a bad hold on me. Anyway, I usually use him as my journal, telling him whatever I possibly can, crying on his shoulder, laughing to him, talking about myself and him, and the thought of 'us'. He wrote me a poem. It's quite cute, and you can tell he put thought into it, Unfortunately, not enough thought to make it good. :\ He wrote it for our English class, and our teacher, I'm sure, will be quite amused with it. She thinks we're an 'adorable' couple. He refers to him and I as 'us'. I don't know if I like that. 'us'. I've spent my whole life trying to be my own person, and to find out that I'm now part of something big, something possibly bigger than I am, that's scary. I don't know. My best friend says he's only in it for the 'action' he gets from me. If that's true, he must be one horny bastard, because there's really not much action involved with me. I'm kind of... Scared. to get hurt again. Well, even if he is, he makes me feel beautiful, so he's fine by me. No, I do not find myself attractive. Yes, everyone else does. Whatever, I think I should email Ryan. Umm. World, I do not love you, but I wish I did, Goodnight all.

i just want you to know who i am. So, things are going better, though people keep asking me howe my exes are and blahblahblah. Technically, I'm breaking Ryan's rules. I'm not allowed to journal, after the scene I caused when my journal was found and read by my brother, but this is songmeanings, and if any of you use this against me, well... too bad. Well, anyway. He's got a lot of stupid rules, and we say a lot of stupid things to each other, and we fight a lot. My friends say "I don't understand how two people can 'love' eachother and still fight so much." The truth is, hun, it's life. Noone's perfect, and him and I are opposites. He comes from rap music and california, I come from hardcore music and rain. He comes from rice I come from hamburgers He loves himself, I've always hated myself. Enough with the rant. If you love someone, of course you'll fight, it's hard to comprehend, sometimes, how someone so close to you, someone who holds your heart, can have such different views. My turnons for him: He's funny He's sweet He doesn't care what his friends say about me [he doesn't care when they call me emo, goth, scene, etc.] He loves me for ME, not who I pretend to be in public He accepts me no matter what I tell him He realizes that I've been hurt He wants to take care of me for the rest of my life My turnoffs for him: He acts different around his friends He makes up stupid rules We're total opposites He's very opinionated He's not happy with the world I love him more than anything, and I want to take care of him and mend his wounds for the rest of my life. Wow, I said it. I am in love.