#30 I think I hate being Shane's friend. Well...I might not hate it, but I sure didn't like it today. When we talked on the phone Saturday, he was sweet, nice, funny, pretty much the same as if we were still together, just didn't say "I love you" when he hung up. This morning, he was sweet, nice, funny, and the same as if we were going out. Practically let me hang onto his waist telling him how happy I was that we had Geography together, and that we could talk more and stuff. I had a personality test I wanted to ask him to do with me as an assignment for Carrer, Family and Leadership in 1st period, and by third period I was real excited to see him again. I haven't seen him in 3 weeks! When he came in I was like, "Hey, Beeler! I have to ask you something, come here." And he made a face at me and told me no. Walked over to another seat far away from me, even though the one next to me and my friends was empty, and sat with some other dude. I didn't like it. Then his stupid ex asked him back out for me, screaming in across the classroom, and he didn't answer, he just laughed and ignored. I was really pissed about it. He didn't talk to me the rest of the day, not even in Math or anything. After school I asked him about the personality test and he said with this little attitude "I don't rate my friends." As if he were some hero; the only person on the planet who doesn't feel comfortable rating his friends. I don't even care if he told the truth or not! I just have to get TONS of people to help me out, and I thought for SURE he'd do it, and it would be one person down. Being his friend days after we broke up was fine. Pretty much nothing was different. But now he has this rude-ness about him. He's rude, he's sarcastic, he won't do the tiniest little favors, he doesn't care about me, or if I'm his friend or not, he won't talk to you unless it's like....serious, or something, and it sucks!! It's really pissing me off. He'd better pull the stick out of his ass and straighten up, or I'm not going to talk to him at all. As much as that might hurt, being treated like crap for no reason by him isn't worth it. My other ex looked hot today. xx

#29 Me and Shane are over. His parents made him dump me because his grades suck. And he says we might get back together... Someday.. He flirted a lot today. I wish it wasn't over. It's really killing me. I wrote Shane a song for Xmas. I finished it 3 days before we broke up. And gave it to him 3 days after. It's called "Asleep On Your Shoulder." He hasn't read it yet, as far as I know. I thought it was good when I wrote it. But now that it's in his hands, I'm embarrassed. I planned to write him a notebook full of songs about everything that we did together, to give to him for his birthday (along with anything else he wants) but I dunno if I can. Every time I listen to our song (Thunder - Boys LIke Girls) I cry. I miss him so much xx

#28 Shane's grandma died on Monday at 2:10pm. And he didn't come to skew today because today was the funeral. I hope I get to talk to him later. I got him a sympathy card with bunnies on it. I like it. xx

#27 He ate his Thanksgiving dinner at the Waffle House. And his grandma is dying. He's spent the last two days at the hospital with her. And we haven't talked at all. This has just been a depressing Thanksgiving break T-T xx

#26 Shane was suppose to spend Thanksgiving with his grandma at her house. But she had a heart attack last night. xx

#25 Shane came to skew. But he didn't remember what today was, so I had to remind him T-T Gave him his little present, and he still didn't get it. *sigh* Men. Today was great! Well, for the most part, anyway. I don't really have anything to say, though. xx

#24 I didn't go to skew today. Shane called me at 6:41am today. He said he wasn't feeling well, and was staying home. I got depressed, faked sick, and stayed at my house. Tomorrow is our 2 month anniversery. He better effing come to school. xx

#23 We went to the mall yesterday 'til about 8pm. I got a GORGEOUS Fall Out Boy poster. It's the one I saw at The Ally in Chicago in the summer. But I never bought it. Well...now I have it. I talked to Shane all day yesterday. That was one of the best conversations I've had in my whole life. The dream I had last night was amazing. It was so real, and it was what I've been wanting more than anything for almost a year. And when I woke up and realized that it didn't actually happen, I cried and cried, and cried. I forgave Dylan for what he did to me, but all I wanted was an apology. In that dream, he said he was sorry, and it was the best I've ever felt. Knowing that he was actually sorry for what he did, you know? But I know he's not. I know he doesn't care about me anymore. xx

#22 Paige's mom changed her mind. Just like I said she would. We're not goin' to the parade, but we're goin' to the mall sometime in the aftertoon. Hot Topic, here I come. Like I usally do 8 times each Saturday. But once again, it's ANOTHER weekend that I can't see Shane. I wish his parents would let us do stuff on Saturdays! I get lonely without him sometimes. You and me, we should be makin' a memory whenever we're together. Look at me. Can't you see we were ment to be? xx

#21 UGH! I had all these STUPID plans for Saturday with Paige and her stupid whore mom RUINED EVERYTHING like she ALWAYS DOES. In the morning (early morning, like 8am), Shane is in this parade and he's there for ROTC, marching in his cute little uniform and everything, and I wanted to go with Paige, and then afterwards, since I have some extra money, I wanted to go to the mall, and stop by Hot Topic. But NOOOO. Paige's mom has to go off ranting about how much of a WHORE I am, and says that Paige is never allowed to come to my house ever again, and that we aren't allowed to go out and do things together anymore. And it's all JOEY'S FAULT! Paige's stupid brother had to make a stupid comment about me in front of her mom, and she just HAS to say something about it. But, I'm sure it won't last long. Her mom will get sick of her, and practically MAKE her come over to my house. Because that's just the way she is. AND THE STUPID AQUA DOTS! Oh, I am so pissed about the freaking aqua dots thing, you have no idea. Me and Paige wanted aqua dots more than anything EVER. And I was watchin' GMA this mornin' and they said that it has a DATE RAPE DRUG IN THE GLUE! I wonder why? "Made In China." Not trying to be racist, but it really doesn't seem like a coincidence this time. Listenin' to I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears and None On My Fingers at the moment. Of course, Fall Out Boy like always. Very bored. OH MY LAMBS, my mom emailed me yesterday and told me that PETER LEWIS KINGSTON WENTZ III opened a Clandestine store, not too far from The Ally, and she's gonna take me to Chicago to go! I'm so effing excited! I'm gonna spend so much money there. I'm gonna buy everything. Underwear, if they have it. Well, I suppose I will go. Nothing else to say. xx