newmoney's Journal

  • 23 Entries
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  • i never wanted anything

    by newmoney on August 29, 2010
    his name was allen he had black skin with tiny freckles covering his nose his eyes were beautiful and his eyelashes curled his hair was a "fade" with a blonde streak on the left side his style was impeccible his voice sweet he tried to make me feel safe but it rarely worked when he got turned on it was hard to turn him off his dick was hard his heart was becoming rotten as he played the ladies he loved to entertain
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  • seventeen

    by newmoney on September 19, 2009
    you lay in concrete covered in puke and sweat the night black and speckled with street lights the shop keeper the people the police the bottle behind the bushes hands covered in sticky liquour an ambulence alarm in the distance tears falling down my face delirious with fear and over stimulation nails digging in my back trying to comfort me and promise me everything will be alright i dont know you i dont want to my shoe is stuck in chunks you lay motionless barely breathing dead weight i couldnt lift my thoughts only worry about your future your mother your health. in complete shock of how things can change in fifteen minutes no longer dancing on stage holding a guitar no longer rubbing against a much older man no longer laughing and dancing only close to death on sidewalk concrete beneath stangers and streetlights
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  • kjkk

    by newmoney on September 19, 2009
    There are so many things i wish i could forget the way you looked on concrete covered in puke and sweat the sound of ambulences the things he said as he left and i got fed up the way i feel when i lay in bed alone at night the depression soaks in and the thoughts never end the way i know how i feel but can't ever say it right the way i cant connect with other besides you how i alienate myself but believe its the way to stay true the negative thoughts the nonstop banter that bounces off my brain and keeps me awake the good intentions followed by my bad habits the way i worry ill never change the ways you say i make you sick but then you tell me you love me and its okay the confusion the pain the self pity and hatred the negativity the over excitabilty the ways i complain when i should only be greatful the heredity the environent the privledge the prevention the hopes the dreams and everything that holds me back the ways in which i restrict myself how i cant talk to you because i like you so much the self sabotage the selfishness. for this i am sorry and wish i could forget
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  • kjkj

    by newmoney on July 05, 2009
    in a foreign place under the fireworks you hold me tight away from the others under a moon so bright
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  • What Is It With Teens These Days!?

    by newmoney on November 09, 2008

       i dont understand the 21st century teen and i am one. I don't understand the cutting, and the hooking up, and the alcohol and drug dependency. But this is also something older generations have dealt with also. I guess my real problem is i can't really relate that much. I dont have the extreme need or desire to want to do that stuff. I have smoke pot five times and the last time i got so high i thought i was losing my fucking mind and my brain was leaving my head. My body was super hot and fealt heavy along with my head. It was okay. But it was a bit frightening because i had lost control of myself. I couldnt stop it. It was happening and i had to go along with it until i calmed down and was able to finally enjoy it. I dont understand completely why the girls i know hook up with SO many guys. Why? i just want one that i can love. I like male attention at times but i dont NEED it and i dont want it all the time. In fifth grade i used to binge eat while i watched TRL on MTV and then i would make myself puke my brains out. I would stick the back of a spoon down my throat and it did the trick. I have never cut myself. i have squeezed myself hard in the past once or twice but never actually inflicted real bloody pain onto myself and i dont think i could ever. i dont need alcohol to have a really fun time. I dont need drugs. and i decided i dont want these things to an extreme amount. i can smoke pot and be ok and i can drink and be ok. i dont need it. i dont do it alot. i infact very rarely do these things. i dont know why teenagers do it so much. doesnt that frighten them, or is that what they like, the fear? the thrill? i dont think theres much more i can say but i dont fit in with this generation, that much, or perhaps i am just different from most.. i think its the second one. oh and 95% of popular music these days... the crap teens listen to now... yea well, i think it fucking sucks.

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  • xxx

    by newmoney on September 30, 2008
    figgety you always cease to suprise you always let me down dont you see it in my eyes ive been dreaming youd hold me tight ever since you walked me home and said goodnight i just want you and no one else i love you more than i wish i could love someone else i tried so hard even changed who i was thats what a person whos crushed does do you still even really care thought i saw it in your eyes once i wanted you to want me too i did everything i could possibly do but no matter what im still in love with you
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  • September 30, 2008

    by newmoney on September 30, 2008
    dirty diamonds !tropical fiesta! FIESTAz! dolphin! unicorn! lion! unicorn liger and chimpanzee ULC
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  • dirty diamonds.

    by newmoney on September 30, 2008
    your the one i dream about and want to hold tight/ your the one i want to fuck in a bathroom stall night after night/ cook you a pasta dinner rip off your clothes/ working for minimum wage whatever you want to do i just want to be with you/ everything you say sticks to my brain like glue/ look into my eyes and tell me its me cause i'd sacrifice everything tonight/ we'd buy a little home honeymoon in italy rome/ 2 crazy kids with a.d.d. baby it'll always be you and me
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  • September 30, 2008

    by newmoney on September 30, 2008
    im lieing more and more these days sneaking away on trains back late in the night i tell you im seeing a film come home groggy and tired make up the plot of a film i didnt see say it was bad and to not even bother i get a phone call she found the receit 20 dollar t- shirt and can of coke i know what you did last friday dont try to lie she closes her eyes and doesnt bother to create another fib rolls over on her side we've been caught our friday nights will be dampened bye bye late night meals wicker park and train rides our escape at the end of the day killed by your inability to destroy receits you dont smoke no i dont you dont drink never you dont lie me? of course not. your so good i never have to worry we used to be so bad back in the day oh really?
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  • September 30, 2008

    by newmoney on September 30, 2008
    i think i see it in you eyes the way you stare i cant tell if your a queer by whats in your ear come to the concert lets just go i have to say no no no you've got a girl that loves you so youve got wonderlust its in your touch i like how im alive when im with you i dont know what to think when you look back at me deep into my eyes what are you trying to say sending me mind messages i cant interpret she loves you so much she tells me everyday when she says your name she says everything reminds her of you so why you looking around im not for you i dont have what you want you'd get sick of me after a month my humor will only take you so far she loves you loves you so much i dont love you like that im just messing around your just my friend and i must admit i like the rush i get when i push back she doesnt know lets not tell this wont go anywhere come here come here i dont love you but the attention feels so good xxxx xxx xx x
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