Your Existing Situation Works well in cooperation with others. Needs a personal life of mutual understanding and freedom from discord. Your Stress Sources Resists any form of pressure from others and insists on her independence as an individual. Wants to make up her own mind without interference, to draw her own conclusions and arrive at her own decisions. Detests uniformity and mediocrity. As she wants to be regarded as one who gives authoritative opinions, she find it difficult to admit to being wrong, while at times she is reluctant to accept or understand another's point of view. Your Restrained Characteristics An unadmitted lack of confidence makes her careful to avoid open conflict and she feels she must make the best of things as they are. Your Desired Objective Over-imaginative and given to fantasy or day-dreaming. Longs for interesting and exciting things to happen and wants to be admired for her charm. Your Actual Problem Feels insufficiently valued in her existing situation, and is seeking different conditions in which she will have greater opportunity of demonstrating her worth. Your Actual Problem #2 Feels restricted and prevented from progressing; seeking a solution which will remove these limitations.

I've decided to forget about Andrew for a while. We never see each other anyway. Caleb was being really sweet today. :) I made cheerleading. :) We started our recital routines in dance. :) I lost 4 pounds in two days. :) Life is good. I'm going to treat myself with an ice cream cone.

and everything was going so well.... I am bipolar about so many things and it sucks. Sometimes I'm totally in love with Andrew.. and other times it's Caleb. :/ I can't help it. I like them both so much and for different reasons.. Recently I've been liking Andrew more. And also.. My "best friend" has been totally ditching me lately. And she's literally my only friend. I haven't hung out with her in almost two months. Which basically means I haven't hung out with anyone. I'll be there if you need anything at all you want to be. Run around the world with me. State your distance but it's not a million miles away. If this is what will really make you happy.. then I say we'll be old enough to know better, young enough to pretend. This is the last of my letters until I see you again.

life. is. amazing. i love my life. its the best. i am so thankful. i love you Andrew. you make me so happy.

ugh. im so freaking sick. its not even funny. i taste blood everytime i cough. which is a lot. and my appendix hurts like crazy. bedtime. night.

Okay, so the dreams haven't stopped. They keep coming. Different eachtime, but in all of them i kill myself, which freaks me the hell out.

I had a weirder and scarier dream. I think I'm going insane. In this dream I was really happy and talking to my sister. She was getting ready for a party she was having at our house. At this time she was making pancakes. So, she made me a pancake. And I cut it up in bite size pieces and put butter and syrup on it. I had to go pee. And as I did so people were showing up. When I went downstairs to eat someone else was eating my pancake. And I went crazy and was screaming at everyone and crying. Then my dad came and heard me say, "FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU ALL!" So he's like, "You can't see the movie tonight if we go young lady." I was like whatever I hate you dad. Then he's like why don't you just go kill yourself. And then I did. Then I woke up and I was crying really hard. It sucked cause I was at my friends house. God I'm going crazy. Hopefully these dreams stop. They are scaring me to death.

I had the weirdest/scariest/worst dream I have ever had last night. It was set at my school. And it started out like any other school day. But in the dream I was really high and there was this fight in my homeroom. And I got pushed down and my head hit a table when I fell. Then, by the time I woke up, it was time for social studies so I went to class. But apparently my teacher thought i was depressed and was worried and started talking to me because he thought i cut and i was like NO! I DONT I DONT! and he went to talk to my last years science teacher and talked to him. And he said that i did cut. Then my social studies teacher took me to lunch and everyone was talking about me on the way there. Then I got my food and was forced to go to the hospital and got an MRI for my head but i was fine so they took me to the psyciatric level and had me in therapy. Then I woke up and my head hurt really bad so i took two asprin. It was very odd.

My sister came home last night. :(

Why do I have so much fucking drama in my life? My ex Andrew told me he loved me last night. And I still have feelings for him of course. He was my first love and those never really end. But I didn't tell him because I wanted to avoid drama. This week has been terrible. My parents have been fighting non stop because my dad is home for once. He's only home on weekends usually and my mom works on weekends a lot. They have been fighting about how they treat their kids. Because my mom is insane and my dad is laid back. I'm not saying insane just because she's controlling and stuff. But she really is. We are trying to get her to go see doctors but she doesn't think there is anything wrong with her. Oh well. Life goes on. I hate Christmas. But Happy Holidays anyway.