My box is falling apart, and I have terrible cramps. All I want to do is get in my jammies, curl up on the couch, and read Harry Potter. But I can't do that because for some reason Matt's coming over to give me Chinese food. What the fuck? I don't understand! He's got this plan I guess, and Christa's in on it, so I'm scared. And now I'm sitting here waiting for him. If we were still dating, I'd be using this time to make sure everything looked perfect. I'd probably even clean the bathroom. But since we're not dating, I don't feel like putting in any effort. I have a feeling he's about to ask me out again, and that terrifies me. I don't know why. I'm freaked right out, and I just want to take a bath and let my cramps deteriorate. *sigh* men ruin things for me. I went to the pet store today, and they have 3 adorable black dwarf bunnies still. Hopefully tomorrow I can get one. I can't wait until this night is over.

So I've basically wasted this whole 3 day weekend trying to write a goddamn essay. I seriously want to kick Harper Lee in the box right now. I'm almost done, but I've got major writer's block. I never actually talked about the concert yet, so here goes: IT WAS INCREDIBLE! Christa and I made 3 friends there, and one has myspace (thank God, not enough people have it). It was raining almost all day, so we got soaked waiting in line. When we got into the venue, we went to the merch booth and it was insane. I got a Hush Sound shirt and it's amazing. Anyways, Phantom Planet played, and they were actually pretty decent. Christa was screaming the lyrics to California. It was pretty funny. We fought our way closer to the stage but it was pretty freaking packed. The Hush Sound were amazing, and so were Motion City Soundtrack. Except Christa and I almost fainted in the crowd. Too much heat and pressure from all sides. I was basically soaking in mine and other people's sweat. It was disgusting. So we got out of the crowd to rest against the bar. The bartender was a saint for giving us water. I couldn't take being that drenched, so I blow-dried my hair in the bathroom under a hand dryer and changed my shirt. Anyways, Panic played but it was hard to see, so Christa gave me a piggyback. Ryan Ross looked incredible, and I wasn't disappointed at all. Seems like he's the only guy not disappointing me these days. That's pathetic. Anyways, they played Folkin' Around and Lying Is The Most Fun... so I was happy. All in all, it was amazing. I don't know why I keep almost passing out at concerts though. I guess I'm not as durable as I used to be lol. Anyway, back to the essay so my English teacher doesn't have my head. I need summer.

So that last outburst was a little more than embarrassing. I need to learn how to keep my tongue in check, like how I keep about how I feel for you. I'm sorry. I still wish I could forget you, part ways like the Red Sea. We just need a man in a robe. 'Let my people go' kinda thing. I'll learn to take my deathgrip off your heart, it's not really fair anyways. Too bad it's all I'm good at. We need Dares to stay in contact, forget the Truths. I surprise and shame myself by still hoping you show up. I want to hear you like a raindrop appearing on my roof, and like the dog next door barking himself hoarse all night. That can't be ignored; it keeps me up. You keep me up. There's no love in Mockingbird - it's the story of our lives. I don't want to watch your eyes in the fireworks, or follow your footsteps in the snow. I don't need you, I can burn bridges myself. Keep your matches, dear.

Ugh fuck my life! I'm so pissed off, and I have no idea why. Why can't I just be normal? Why do I have to be so melodramatic? I'm sure I'm fine. I'm sorry I'm not the best thing for you. I know I hurt you. I'm sorry I did. But honest to God, grow a fucking pair! Ugh you both make me angry, but you're the closest things I have. I'm so embarrassed. Forget the mint, I wish I was done with you.

So today was kinda cool. I didn't have to go to first period because our drama class had this workshop for Commedia Dell Arte. In simplest explanations, it was this old hairy guy from Toronto with pit stains showing us how to act out each character. Fun stuff, I got to jump into Christa's arms. I really hate science class. My teacher's a prick who wears khaki pants and forgets my name. I hate khaki pants. Lol, and my drama teacher called me Shellorna yesterday, but to be fair, her and I kind of look alike I guess. And today, my English teacher spelt my name wrong. Is my name seriously that difficult? Oh well, I'm just glad my name isn't Lafawnduh, although that would be kind of cool, in a purely amusing way. There's a new kid at my school. He's pretty. He makes Christa and I ecstatic lol. Tomorrow is the Panic! (oh, my bad, it's just Panic now) At The Disco concert!!! I'm excited, but I feel so lonely. I need a boy, or a bunny. The bunny sounds like less work. I'll get a bunny on Thursday if possible. I hate To Kill A Mockingbird right now. I want to watch Footloose, but I have to do an essay. Thumbs down.

So my mouth is pretty much torn up. Hurray for braces. I'm going to get a bunny tomorrow (or someday soon)!!! I'm having trouble coming up with a name though. I'm thinking Puddles or Pancake or Pumpkin. I thought about naming it Sonny, but I'm saving that gem for my first born. Lol, my white cat is lying on my bed, staring at my plush Hello Kitty. It's cute. Anywho, PATD, MCS and THS in 3 days!!! I'm SO FUCKING excited! There's also some band named Phantom Planet or something, but the only song of their's I've heard is the theme song to the O.C. And since the O.C. is pretty lame, I can't see the band being too good either. But I guess we'll find out. Mom's done school, so the music is on =] I quit Wendy's before I went to New York (the naked cowboy in Times Square grabbed my ass! lol) and I'm sort of half-job-hunting. I dislike science class: everyone is stupid and talks way too obnoxiously, none of my friends are in it, and my teacher forgot my name. Lol, he looks like Dwight from The Office. That simple fact gets me through every excruciating class. Oh well, only a month a half left of school. Huzzah!

So I'm pretty much completely bored right now. My brother and I just got back from my beloved old town, and now I can't find a single thing to do. I wanted to unpack while listening and singing along to music, but as soon as I put on the Panic! At The Disco cd, my mom walked in and asked me to turn it off. Fuck, I can't wait until she's done school. Honest to God, it's irritating. And yes, I'm being unreasonable and the direct opposite of understanding, but I'm tired of trying to understand everyone. People are exhausting, and I feel just like Holden Caulfield. I wonder what actually happened to him in the end, if he ever found love or not. Probably not, and I'll end up just like him. The magic 8-ball even told me so. Anyways, now I'm listening to the cd through headphones and trying to ignore the static. My mom just walked in and asked me to turn it down. I guess she thought she was being funny. Right. PATD was on SNL last night, and I turned on the TV just as it was finishing. But I wasn't mad because I got to look at Ryan Ross for about a minute, and he looked amazing. I found a guy in my town that looks almost identical to him, which I find pretty awesome. He's the best friend of one of my friends. I get to see them play next month! I'm so excited, I think I may burst. But I'll try not to, because that would just create an even bigger mess, and I already need to clean my room. It's starting to feel really small, and I feel all too enclosed. I can't wait to get a bunny. I've officially decided that I'm on a dating strike. Sorry boys, go find a less confused girl.

It's really irritating how there are only a few decent guys left. And chances are, I've already dated them, they irritated me, and we broke up. So yeah, I doubt I'll be dating anyone anytime soon. See the thing is, when I first meet guys, they seem really sweet and perfect and different, but then when I actually get to know them, they turn out like all the rest. It's quite exhausting, and it seems to be a waste of time. So for now, I'll just be single, and the next time I meet someone who seems "different", I'll just wait and see for a bit. Maybe I need to take things slower? I have no idea. I feel like being mad, but I have no energy. I wish I lived in Las Vegas when Ryan Ross was growing up so I could have known him. He seems like a gentleman, but whatever, maybe I'm just grazing the surface like I always do. Anyways, maybe I'll go to bed and lose myself in a pretty dream where nothing exists. Pleasant, no?

So basically, there's no way around it: I kind of, sort of, just a little bit MISS MY DAD I have no idea how this happened or why, but yesterday or the day before, I remember thinking something was missing. And then I realized it: I missed my daddy. I really shouldn't. I mean, it's his fault I'm here, and not in my blessed old town. But whatever, I really need to let that go. As Christa says, I have "Daddy Issues." Just lovely. Anyways, on to the journal entry name, there's 511 days left until I get my braces off! Whoo :] I was cleaning tables last night, and this one large guy in a red shirt says to me "Just wondering, do you ever smile." and I was thinking, 'What the hell.' Because I was just laughing with them when I took their order. So I just said, "Yeah I do, when I'm not so exhausted." And then I turned around and went back to the cash, because he was creeping me out. Man I can't wait to quit. Then I won't have to work until 1 am. But at least I get paid.

I finally finished my effing painting for art class. It took me over 30 hours, and I'm exhausted. But I'm done!! And I don't think I'll be taking art class next year. But anyways, today I have to work 4-11, and it's a school night. I hate my job so much. I think I'm going to quit soon and then apply to Value Village. I hate when cute boys are too old for me. It shouldn't count if they look 17, but are actually 20. *sigh* I Hate Sally on Friday I hope!!! I was so upset that their CD wasn't in Sam's or HMV. But oh well, I got Spill Canvas' new album!! I can't wait to actually have time to listen to it. Well, that's all for now. I'm off to school. Ugh, I'd rather go to bed.