“You must find a boy your own age, someone mild and beautiful to be your lover. Someone who will tremble for your touch, offer you a marguerite by its long stem with his eyes lowered, someone whose fingers are a poem.” White Oleander So I'm back to realizing I've never dated the kind of boy I always dream about. I want someone soft and delicate, poetic and thoughtful, and just as small as I am. I want someone with deep green eyes that take in the world around them. Someone with tender, small lips that speak only of important and intelligent things. Someone who speaks when it matters, and who says all the right things. Someone who's voice is like music, colourful and expressive. I know he's out there somewhere, but he's not the one I'm with. Make-over shows make me cry

Stop touching me. Recoiling from your skin is not a sign to hold me tighter. You said you were good with hints. Is this one obvious enough for you?! Body language speaks, and my dear, you must be deaf. Getoffofmenow before I throw up. bromptonXblend, you fascinate me.

You never really appreciate your home until you're away from it for a week. I went to visit my Gramma in BC for a week, and it was awesome. It's so beautiful there, and so un-humid! The highest it went up to was 29 degrees Celsius, and it honestly felt like maybe 22 degrees here. I wish my province lacked humidity =[ Oh well. I swam in the Pacific Ocean! It was so cold, it turned my skin red lol. But anyway, I'm happy to be home. For some reason, I'm on a cleaning spree. My room has never been this clean and organized! And pretty soon I'm going to go clean the bathroom... So now I have a boyfriend and a bunny, when I only originally planned to get one or the other. My boyfriend's hair is 3 times longer than mine. I'm already annoyed by both of them lol. Oh goodness... Gates' party was awesome. Gotta love inappropriate gifts and thunderstorms.

It's 5:21 and all I can think about is why it's raining so Goddamn much lately. I'm wondering why time goes by so much faster in the summer, and all I can do is wish for that October feeling. Crisp and alive, when the leaves, and my heart, are on fire. Their crunching against the hard ground is the only thing that really makes sense. I'm thinking about why can't it be sunset all the time just to take my mind off you. 5:25 Will every minute that passes bring me closer to you, or bring me more disappointment? 5:27 I feel like I should go eat something, but as soon as that registers in my brain, I realize that all I want to be tasting is you. 5:28 I'm wondering if you were ever real, or did my pathetic brain merely invent you to keep it company? I miss you, and that's the hardest and most brutally honest thing I've ever admitted, even in my head. Maybe you're nowhere now, hurling through transitory like a never-ending raindrop, and I'm just praying that one day we'll collide again. 5:31

Oh my good gracious, Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Warped Tour is in 2 days!! I feel like a big bottle of carbonated beverage that Fabio just shook up. Speaking of Fabio, he wrote "romance" novels. Lmao, my sister owns one about him being a pirate. I started reading it, and it was just awful. So I actually really like my family. I kind of was distant from my dad, because I blamed him ( and still kind of do) for the family being split in two. But we really bonded over shitty music on the way back to my house last week. I really should learn to appreciate what I have more often. Actually, more people should. It drives me crazy when people say they hate their parents, because usually, they don't. I think it's pretty hard to hate your parents, to be honest. Unless of course they did unspeakable things to their children, but that kind of goes without saying. I think some of my friends do it just for attention, or for a certain image. I don't know; our generation is too fixated on image and we're all a bunch of attention-seeking whores. Sad, but mostly true. Anyway, I love my parents, even if I don't always like them. And I'm very grateful I have the mother I do, because she's excellent, even if she doesn't always like the music I listen to. Hurray for people, and hurray for life. I'm such a lame-ass sometimes lol.

I'm on my sister's computer because unfortunately it is the only one that is connected to the internet. Hence why I'm listening to Blue October. I'm not saying they suck or anything, I just normally wouldn't listen to them. But anyway, if there is one thing I can't stand, it's when people use poor grammar and writ lyke dis. Ho man, I want to shove a dictionary down the throats of people who say "dis", "dat", or write "r u thereee". Oh my good gracious, I can't stand when people add extra letters to words that they don't pronounce. I can understand it when they add extra O's to "so", because you actually pronounce the extra length in order to exaggerate something. But most times, it's just wrong. So that's my small rant for tonight. Today was uneventful; I went to work with my dad and read White Oleander all day. It's an amazing book with so much emotion and imagery. I don't understand why we can't read books like that in class. Oh well. Hope everyone had a good Canada Day, and hope all you Americans have a good Fourth of July tomorrow.

This made my heart smile: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoteYUAUj1k&feature=related Sushi was good, Matt was being weird at the restaurant, then I called him later and we talked for 2 hours. Who knows? I love The Rocket Summer.

I don't think anything is more stressful in one's high school career than exam week. As a student, we are expected to recall every little detail of every class and answer in-depth questions about it. I like how they used to handle exams at my mom's high school: if you were getting over a 70% in a class, you didn't have to take an exam. I would love that. It would be such an incentive to try really hard to begin with. But oh well, three down, one to go. The English exam kicked my ass today, but hopefully not by much. Tomorrow, after my science exam, my friends and I are going out for sushi. I'm excited. Avocado and cucumber rolls are incredible. One thing that really irritates me is when I tell people I like sushi, and they say something like, "Ew, sushi's disgusting." I then proceed to ask them if they have ever tried it, and every time the other person has said something like "No, but it's raw fish. Raw fish is gross." That seriously irritates me, because if that person was a little more knowledgeable, they'd see that not all sushi is comprised of raw fish. I'm a vegetarian, one who doesn't eat any sort of animal, and I love sushi. But oh well, I should learn to be more patient with people. Matt and I made up, but then we hung out and he was patronizing me again, so now I don't know how things are. It feels weird when I see him. I know I'd miss him if I stopped talking to him though. I really want to go to the pride parade. And I really want to sleep. After studying, though.

My lanta, I'm wearing the most comfortable bra in the entire world. La Senza, I love you. Anyway, Friday was incredible. Christa, Jake and I went over to Christa's after school and watched Tila Tequila and Iron Chef (Chocolate Battle!!!), then we hung out on her bed and called Matt. He was being a douche on the phone, basically saying homosexuality was 'wrong.' So that put me in a bad mood. I've decided that I'm never going to date him again - I broke up with him for a reason. Had I known he was against gays, I may have not dated him in the first place, because gay rights is something I'm very passionate about. But anyways, hanging out with Jake was really fun, so I'm definitely happy he could come. Matt eventually made his way ti the mall, and we went to see The Strangers. Matt walked out halfway because he got scared, meanwhile, Jake and I were laughing the whole way through it. We were joking about Richard Simmons popping out from behind a door or something. Tomorrow is beach day but I'm skipping it because I need to be there for my drama group. I just heard the song Gay Bar by Electric Six, and I laughed my ass off. The video is so funny. So I have nothing really important to say right now, so yeah. Time to work on my foods project.

So I was right about the Matt asking me out thing. Turns out, Chinese food was code for him giving me a black dwarf bunny. When he gave it to me, he said he thought I was rad...which goes waaaay back to before we started dating when I said that saying I love you was over rated, so if I ever really loved someone, I would tell they them I thought they were rad. So he used my own line against me. He doesn't love me though. I know it, I'm not the lovable kind of girl. It's just not something that will ever work out for me, and I'm cool with that. But I feel bad, because I'm stringing him along apparently. I'm just confused. When someone does that big of a gesture for you, you almost feel like you have to date them because you owe them. And it's a ridiculous feeling. I'm ridiculous (Girl, the back o' yo' head is ridicalous!). Anyways, I know I said once I get a bunny I'll start dating, but I don't feel like it. Maybe I'll wait until my braces are off. Lmao, I can wait over a year. Oh, by the way, my bunny is named Puddles, and he's adorable. He now eats out of my hand. I wish Jake lived in town. Honest to God, that kid could keep me entertained for hours. I'm gonna marry that boy in Vegas one day.