one of the guys i pulled at clubland.. when i sobered up i realised that it's him i want. the previous guy found out and now hates me. he's acted pretty horrifically. so we're not really on speaking terms. but the guy i want wants me too. so i'm happy. and he's happy.
finally (:
i love my life because he's in it.
song of today: cash in my pocket - wiley.
i went to clubland last night. and i can't believe how hungover i am (: aha.
i pulled. twice. both guys know the guy who i really want. and i'm not sure what he's gonna do when he finds out. i don't want to loose him. he makes me feel special.
my dad gave me a fiver for itunes today. i bought the new leona lewis one because it's sweet. and with the rest i bought songs by artists i'd never heard of. i love doing that. discovering new music.
my mind keeps thinking of him. and how he's going to react. i hope so much that he won't kick off, and that he'll hug me close and tell me he doesn't care because i'm sorry.
doubt that one will happen though. we shall see.
song of today: glass of water - coldplay.
these things make my life worth living;
my family, my friends, him, travelling, music and lyrics that make me smile, comedy and fashion, the feeling of freedom and success, cups of tea and long chats, unique people, texts out of the blue, when you get a hug from someone you haven't seen for ages, the winter + the summer, homemade gifts, gigs and the photographs that follow, memories, LIFE.
these things keep me going. i love my life right now. i've had a really good day and i can't wait for this weekend to kick in. i just hope this lasts. because i've had it a little rough. i think i've finally found a guy who cares. "when i saw you at school, i realized that i've been sat in front of the most beautiful girl i've ever known, all along." i feel so comfortable around him. i love his hugs and his smiles and his sarcasm. the way i just sit and play with his hands for hours whilst he talks to me, knowing i'm not listening. the way he takes the piss out of the things i know he loves about me. and the way i do the same for him. the way he always lets me choose the film and he keeps on smiling as long as he's with me. this is happiness.
1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY? getting better - darren styles. (that works)
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? sexy back - justin timberlake. (o yeaaa!)
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? young love - mystery jets. (sweet. and true)
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? get in line - air traffic.
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? make this go on forever - snow patrol.
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? you'll find a way - santogold. (that's pretty fitting)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? god put a smile upon your face - coldplay.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? the one - the colorful quiet. (there isn't a one. yet.(
WHAT IS 2+2? time to pretend - MGMT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? 2 bodies 1 heart - noah and the whale. (that works so well)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? miss you - feeder.
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? everything i am - kanye west. (very true. and kinda freaky it works so well)
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? dream song - scott matthews.
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? don't think you're the first - the coral.
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? no you didn't. no you don't - the courteeners. (lol so right)
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? happy faces - the maccabees.
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? all sparks - editors.
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? the dress looks nice on you - sufjan stevens. (fashion i guess?)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? back against the wall - cage the elephant.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? hold your colour - pendulum.
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? faces going places - jose vanders.
HOW WILL YOU DIE? knives out - radiohead. (i hope not)
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET? time goes by - air traffic.
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH? my rollercoaster - kimya dawson.
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY? can you tell - ra ra riot.
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED? shut up and let me go - the ting tings. (lol take that as a no then)
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST? you - radiohead.
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU? roses - cherry ghost.
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE? shit song - kate nash.
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW? say it ain't so - the thrills.
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS? skinny love - bon iver.
song of today: dangerous - akon.
new times. christmas time. i don't know the time.
my mum told me i had to try and forget about the friends that use me. that's so much harder than i ever thought it would be. went to see hsm3 with my mate this week. an actual friend (: we ate jaffa cakes and drank ribena and laughed all night.
we're making it a regular wednesday thing. i love her.
CHRISTMAS IS NOT LONG AWAY NOW.
i love christmas. i'm going away. i like being away. because nothing ever seems to go wrong when it's christmas AND when you're away. how idyllic. someone described me as idyllic the other day. i was happy. i like that person. he makes me smile just looking at him, just because he's so sweet. in a really lovely friend kind of guy way. i realised before that i get on with guys better than girls. what does that mean? that i'm a bitch or a slag. lol. that's what some girls think. but i just feel more comfortable around guys - they're much less bitchy. and you always get a bit of friendly banter. and that's nice.
i think i like my life again.
song of today: UFO -sneaky sound system.
it comes to something when you start crying in your soup.
what's the use in friends? that's all i want to know. they're supposed to be there for you no matter what, to keep you smiling when you're down and to keep you feeling good about yourself. i thought we were getting back on track, and you go blow me out for your boyfriend. friends aren't supposed to do that. it's not as if i've spent any time with you recently, it's not as if i asked you to re-arrange your entire day around me. no that was you. and now i'm left alone seeing kanye west. sounds fucking great doesn't it.
i'm so lonely.
song of today: use somebody - kings of leon.
i've definitely hit the wall.
school work is so difficult, and i'm scared of failing. i hate failure and i hate rejection.
that brings me nicely onto the love situation. actually lack of love situation lol. it's beginning to get to the point where i'm about to give up. i can't get over him.
i went to my mates birthday meal and ended up sitting next to the girl he's now with. the girl who split us up. it would have been ok, but she was really nice, and funny, and pretty. and it made me realize why he chose her over me.
i feel so low.
song of today: long live the queen - frank turner.
x